Empty Existence

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Tears in my eyes have a tale after long
Confessions I choose to make
To remove the stress that resides
From the life I now detest.

Relieving the moment that made sense
Of transformations I underwent alone
And cheerful laughter having no outlet
With deadly silences the new persona.

Golden spoon is your story
Often they said in jest
Smoothness was my destiny
Until a black hole settled.

Teased, bullied and often laughed
Yet I found happiness in people
For few understood the shine
And the honesty that was rare.

Lot of hands held me in tears
Sharing more than just smiles
For I had the oomph they desired
And in rare ones I found truths.

Then a tough call happened along
Isolation bounced forth alone
Priorities were to be chosen
And decisions to be made.

Society I kept afar in a jar
For close I kept some wrongs
I smiled and laughed for attention
Till I knew where the road passed.

I awoke at the right time
Yet the hands were again empty
For in that struggle to lose
I left all in a faraway land.

Some fake moments I gathered 
For they gave me smiles in hurt
I didn’t mind the ridicule befalling
Following storms of the devil.

A cut was once again made
This time it left a wound
With path breaking moments
And some mental collapses.

Life moved once again
With options to relive
Procrastinating the wait 
 I sat and settled ‘alone’ reality.

People again tried to surround
But confronted my silence
For I was there as another
And not someone loved.

Distances had a difficult effect
From being the ever-present being
I was someone with its own esteem
Lonely, but I chose to not lose.

I whimper in my bearing everyday
With a bruised soul that pains
For losing people dear and near
And left with empty existence.

Also Prompted @Theme Thursday, Two Shoe Tuesday  and Pondering with a Purpose

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A Chef-d’oeuvre

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Scent of the papyrus lured me
Scattered were some letters
Waiting to be weaved once
Into a masterpiece unsung.

A ticket to fame shout head
Flare high the Imaginations
I sit alone in a blank might
Making no sense of empty sheets.

Naked truth are all mine I speak
In the marathon of life
I lost opportunities to think
Not loved my beloved dreams.

Fool you are to feel to write
Says the annoyed head in wonder
I smirk at his foolish thoughts
For head never rhymed for me.

Let me cry for all miseries
In the embroidery I made
Filled puzzles full of convulsions
Unleashed I, with empty alphabets.

Characters make no history
Write O fool, utter head
I scribble not some art
For words are in combat

Cheated them, in hallucinations
To equate  wealth as happiness
In rush to earn and fly high
I blocked all literary quests.

Hiding in all those lies of artificiality
Left alone, with scribbles and some vacuum
Head laughs over the helplessness
I refuse to hear him, one last time.

Hiding my face in some dew
I let out a shout of pain
For the heart could not partake
And like a blast it all came.

I wrote one line of extreme distress
Then one after another came rhythms
Setting me free of all worries
A chef-d’oeuvre was in these hands.

Also prompted @Theme  Thursday, Inspiration Monday, Sunday Scribblings, Poets United, Two Shoes Tuesday, OSI and The Sunday Whirl.

Celebrating December

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The December post have been long pending. And I even missed out on the contest deadline but then everything needs closure so this had to be written. How do I describe December- quite eventful I must say. It was a month of travelling, a train journey after ages. It was a month of lot of photography and sight seeing. It was the month of the wedding of my ex- roommate. So a lot of happy happy days in the initial days. Then, it was also the month when sibling and family went back home. So, the nephew crossed seven seas and said his goodbye for a year. The house became very very empty. Also, the year ended on a not so good note with me falling extremely ill. Hence, the new year was welcomed in bed. But, then I was glad it ended.

So, coming to the good parts- the wedding. It was roomie’s wedding so I HAD to go. It was only few months back that she told me that she was seeing a guy for three years and didn’t tell as wanted to tell her mom the first (cute no?) . Well, since weren’t roomie anymore there was no way I had an inkling too. But, then the guy came as no surprise. Back in grad days we used to forever want them together and they pushed off the idea. But then sometimes destiny had other plans. Though I had not talked to him much after a tiff we once had ( It was just overboard sarcastic teasing…and now I guess we can laugh about it).  But, I think she choose the right guy and what was amazing is the families agreed and things took a jet plan speed to heaven. So, finally my best room-mate ( and the only one) found her hero.

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The gift shopping, the packing and all the preparations were fun.  The train journey was fun too. Though, too much food and more of sitting isn’t always good. There was some eye candy to look too but then when your parents travel with you, not much fun 😉 Anyways, music kept company and before I knew the destination arrived. Some sight seeings, loads of food, some music and dance, loaads of pictures, sleepless nights and the wedding was all this trip was about. Though, a lazy day happened when I cursed I should have stayed at her place, as I stayed at a very far off place. But, the day of the wedding just took care of everything. The music function where we made her dance was the fun quotient too. And she looked gorgeous on her D-Day. What was most fun was that I knew lot of people on both sides. So, the whole night of wedding till the goodbye was just too much smiles. The groom and me met after many a years but the fun tease and smile stayed. I remember while one of the function when her sister was talking to him in respect and I by mistake addressed him same way he went like when did you start giving me so much respect . The memories are fun. Also, his forever flirting friend made us all wait before the ceremonies started for he danced rather too much in the drunk state. But, it was fun to meet people and just chill. Though, it was heart breaking to see her mom break down as she having been the most responsible one. But , then that is life.

Anyways, post return was all about more sleeping in a way. We also realized how the week we were away had the nephew going crazy knocking all doors to search for us. Gosh, and before we knew his days with us was over. Goodbyes are tough and was a lot tough for us. He came as a breeze of smiles in a house where parents had almost silent lives post retirement. So, a dismal environment entered the house with half the family left in the house. But, then the nephew had been here for four months which meant lot of memories. However, the first video call post going was toughest for him as he wanted to just jump inside the camera to embrace us. Sigh. And with his going, I fell more sick. A week of extreme fever and what not. It was like bed ridden me. I was on almost no food for a week. But somehow new year was celebrated in sickness but not too bad with everyone cuddled in blanket and watching a movie on the laptop. Though, medicines went for a month, I no longer want sickness in this year. I could say I am sick of sickness 😛

Anyways 2012 went and there were some hopes in the professional front too as  it was leaving. So, hopefully 2013 brings some good developments in my life of waits.

Some walks and some journeys
Some excitement and smiles
As I take a step to move
To refresh the tired soul.

Tired legs continue to walk
As the pictures tell stories
In a city that speaks history
I arrive to create memories.

Waffled is the mind over clothes
And the jewels are all scattered
With some kohl and gloss I line
I am raring to go one extra mile.

Smiles I give to thy friendship
And dance with all my might
For informal was the house around
Having shared mighty roof once.

Expectations were raring to go
And the laziness created arguments
Some cries and some anger around
Yet the day just passed with hope.

The unions of two souls I saw
In holy matrimony I witnessed
Whole night of fun it gave
And removed all the tiredness.

Old friends, new made around
Some harmless flirting mates
Mixed with luscious food
Made it all the more real.

Good byes made it all tough
Re-bonding had somehow happened
Glad was the heart as witness
To love that what sprinkled.

Some sad partings the year saw
But lot more memories it gave
Even a weak body disputed
Be glad the year is now gone

And I welcomed a new year
With all smiles I gathered
Hopes for all dreams I see
I wish it gives what I desire.

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Written as part of Lady Nimue’s Month of the Year Contest -Season 3

Also Prompted @ 3WW, OSI and  Two Shoes Tuesday

P.S.:  Finally, 2012 has been summarized as a whole, so now back to poetry, fictions and the same old blog. But, it was fun to random talk too so I might end up doing that too once a while 🙂

Lonely Winters

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When one has accomplished one goal and there is no route to other goals, a kind of emptiness sweeps within. You know you are a bundle of dreams, expectations and desires and yet you are seen as one useless person for you are just waiting. And that sucks like nothing. October and November did that to me. I could still not get out of my city for a vacation and hence the stress quotient wasn’t relieved much and on top of it, illness crept in badly with almost everyone falling ill. So, the month was about medicines, sleeps, arguments, bad moods and what not.

Also, some realizations happened. Some relationships are of sort where  love is too much when apart, and too many disagreements when together.  Nevertheless, too much love kills for there are too many expectations.  But then, we manage for we have to. Again these months were isolated ones, when the social and friend circle were not present any near. So, a really dark winter in a way.

However, October did give one nice occasion to celebrate. A festival we made into a mini celebration for the family. Apart from loads of cooking, self pampering and shopping, we made it a fun day for our cute baby. Since, the baby’s first birthday was a video call one , we decided to bake a cake and celebrate one in our own ways. I managed to bake a cake apart from all other things and one tiny smash cup cake for him. And all of it did get done on time. Nice clothes, loads of photography, much more foods and load and load of smiles the day brought. Baby looked the cutest with his dangling long hair ( which got cut the next day and in a day he transformed from a baby to a big boy). The traditional attire look was best on our angel too but best was him carrying his cup cake in whole house and soiling around even if he hardly ate.  But, the cake was a hit and for the first time my sibling actually said you did bake one awesome cake. Totally worth it all.

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Naked truths stood upfront,
Vacant lies the within
Tears roll across again
To fight inner recesses.

I fall, I detest it
Hidden are all goals
Focused ideas are empty
I am everything but me.

Jar of wishes is ajar
I desire to pick a jelly
Blooming with all love
Yet, that step seems far.

Idle looks my present
To all who sees carelessness
Turmoil I carry across
No one but the mind knows.

Load of expectations kills
Aware I, of all responsibility
The child within wants to play
One last time, like the end.

I reside all alone
In the middle of nowhere
To find a purpose or light
Where lies the path of sight.

An angel exists as a cure
Pairing smiles,  to sad tears
Giving sparks of happiness
And  I smile a bit.

Separation from you was hardest
When sickness found its way
I can never forget your excitement
When I smiled to your jigs.

For that moment I promise to cheer
Once and for all things dear
And say hello to rays
For my little sunshine there.

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Written as part of Lady Nimue’s Month of the Year Writing Prompt-Season 3.

Also Prompted @ 3WW, OSI, The Sunday Whirl, Inspiration Monday, Trifecta and Two Shoes Tuesday.