Self Love

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Wordless silence adorns me
Deep insight of a bereavement
I anticipate nothing anymore
Lips quiver in frozen fears.

Double faces I saw not
Hypocrisy was never me
Innocence lost, Smirks head
Thus is born another cynic.

Serene was my mind
With every fake word
Comforting in danger lines
Unaware of the lie you.

How best were we
Illusions were all you
Some needs, I fulfilled
Some words, You gave.

I die within again
Reminded of promises, just
And thrashed, for inquistiveness
You liked, I distress.

Broken ties, I anticipated
Shhh, said the love
I wondered, of perfectness
Today laughs, my experience.

Skeptically, I watch vacuum
Heart whispers some lullaby
Reminds of all scars
Given when I skipped.

Another lesson, I presume
Another hurt, I pain
Another warning, I take
Another balm, I want .

Fearless I , just walk
Thorns will prick hurt
Promise another change, maybe
Embracing only, self love.

Till life, smiles again
I blow magical words
I hear, some rhymes
And hope, for love.

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Also Prompted @Inspiration Monday, 3WW, Theme Thursday and Sunday Scribblings.

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Lost Soul

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Trials and tribulations
Tears and Sorrows
I sat alone
In world mighty.

All I see
Is empty hands
With faltering steps
Seeking the undesired
In a bowl.

Passions lay tired
In the embrace
Of the unknown
I  seek light.

Derelict I see
In the mirror
An image unreal
Losing the sanity.

Cut and paste
Tests and errors
Life at standstill
Awaiting a masterpiece.

Medicate the self
To wipe dust
From destiny lines
Says the mind.

I apologize again
To the almighty
For sins lost
Seeking a miracle.

Less in hand
Wishes are large
Dreams I had
When I started.

Bow to thy
I once again
If not anything
Then grant smiles.

Also prompted @3WW, Inspiration MondayTheme Thursday, Sunday Scribblings and Poetry Pantry.

Best Friends

oh_tears_by_queenenigma09-d2xg59c

Today I just had to spill it out. If not the ink, then the blood of emotions.  Everything on this page today, will smell of only you.  I don’t even want to sound lyrical, for it doesn’t matter what anyone read of it.  After three sleepless nights, three days of innumerable missed calls, three days of silence and three days of hurts, my heart finally gives up. I know I have often done it this year. Even spoiled my birthday somehow, for it hurts. People and their opinions rarely matter to me. But your opinions do. Always did. Even after two years of being extremely close friends ( many more years of being friends) , it really does.

I still remember that long mail when the disturbed me was pacified by you. You wanted to talk. But sharing numbers wasn’t my thing ever. And then time just went. I know you have managed my typo from the touch screen phone the most.  And I think you revived in me the ability of writing mails and mails. Long ones infact. And how I used to go and on whole day with my issues. And all that I needed was a call from you. And sigh. I think I have told you enough, but let me rephrase, the first time I talked to you, I fell in love with that voice. That accented, deep voice, O man. I can never get over that feeling. I am glad that very day you said, I choose who comes in my life and never let them go.  And then the friends forever promise. I often keep it but it was the first time someone wants to keep it with me.

Offcourse, we have had our share of fights.  One of my male bestie just told me that I can’t imagine you fighting with anyone. I actually don’t, I just go silent. And it hurt us both. Also you have reprimanded me too much for my pessimism and negativity. But I think it is all good. Who could handle my suicidal texts with humour? You only I think. And I actually have often ended up laughing. Also, who could keep texting me on important days to make sure all goes well. I think only you know how to make me laugh on my worse phases and moods. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know you get tired of taking care. You also want to be take cared. I have often tired. But then you are just way too nice to disturb me. But maybe sometimes you can try no?

All that was years back. Our friendship have changed too. We are busy and we hardly get time. Now you are more relaxed with me as my worst phase is over. But then I do have my blues. Also, I complain for I just miss ‘us’ being the more free kinds.  A person who has pushed each and every friend in these few years, kept you close. I survived for you were around. Otherwise, breakdowns I had was too much to be even told. I trusted the belief you have in me.  I test you and myself off late. I know I over react too. But then I just want to steal a piece of you which everyone gets. And often you forget I might be understanding but then I am human too. Am I not? I love and I care and also need the friend. I know I am not your best friend but then I also know how you hate when I say I have no best friend. I love it when you do realize you are my closest.

I think apart from you, hardly any know my personal issues. You think I could ever let you go? I push you off. On my birthday week I even decided I am never ever talking to you. You are my addiction. But I just was too disturbed with the accusations. And your thoughts about my issues. I don’t care what is the reality and not. I don’t even care if I ever see you . But yet I care about you and that be all. And yet, I was forced to give up. All because of the love. I weakened. I chose to never talk of those things anymore. I learnt my lesson. Every time we have fought, I learnt something and never talked on that line. A little of me died but I learnt. Now you see the effect?

Seeking to hear your voice once a month isn’t too much? Is it? Who knows where I be next year. Who knows where life takes us all. Utilizing it till the time is at hand isn’t too much. Or is it? A girl who never listen to anyone, does to you. Apart from 1-2 mistakes, you are always first one to know. When I submitted last july. I wanted to just call you. I might just do it post viva. And yet? I never intend to insult you. Never did. I have been as messed up last three days as you could ever imagine. It wasn’t about me. But me doing such things. I just want you to know that you are way too precious, just like how you considered me special.

You are one of those unnamed relationships which are like forever. I love you abound. You are my bestest friend. I want to share everything. Even when I mess my love stories. I want you to hold my hand and take me to the wedding hall someday. I want you to be the god father to my baby girl some day. And yet nothing will change. I will still throw kisses on you. Flirt in our cute harmless ways. And yet love our respective partners the most. You are the hottest and sexiest man I know. You got the moves. And I am glad I know you.  You are just everything in one. A  best friend when in tears, A lover when I am messed,  A mentor when indecisive, An ideal who makes it all easy. I know how much you try to settle things for me. No one will ever do. I just don’t allow. I might one day and that day you might be you even with me. I know it will come. I just respect you way too much.

Till that time, I just want to say ‘Don’t give up on me’. I am way too impossible. I might want you to know, times ahead are harder for me. Let me cry, and then even wipe those tears. Let us rekindle our friendship every other day. Come what may, just stay aside, even if geographical distances and time zones come between us some day. I want to get old and be the same with you. Even when our kids will go off and I am that crippled oldie, I want to call you and just smile. For in old age, all that matter is good friends.  I also want to make you proud of me one day. Have a place in the universe, where you go and say, hey that is my friend.

Space I need at times. But then don’t doubt my emotions? My actions are never deliberate. They are possessiveness at times. Jealousy at others. But then even you have them. Don’t lie that you don’t. I become helpless at times, I trample and fall. For this world is a mess and my fate even more at times. But when you be vigilant and make sure I get up, it is easier. It really is. People have warned me of attachments. Of trusting. And even keeping  close. But then, others also say you care. And that is all that matter right? You know way too much for me to now go back. I might know nothing. But trust me maybe. Someday?

I think that is all I guess. So how do we conclude? I love you beyond words, sweetheart. And my treats and coffee are pending and I will not leave without having then. Even if  it takes me decades to take it. Also, it is not easy to get rid of me. If you are stubborn about keeping some people close. Even I am. Even more if other person is the kindest and warmest human being. Someone who leaves me in awe at his sensitivity.

So forgive me, maybe? Not just this time but always?

You and me walking the opposite roads
Seeking a place in the universe
Filling hate with just purity
Of love, only we know, and cherish.

Undefined I keep ‘us’, and closed
In the palm of my hands and heart
I desire nothing, and give it all
All I want is your gift of friendship.

My creativity falls short when it’s you
You are not the muse, yet beyond
You are not just special, but beyond
Let us keep it simple, and call it heart beats.

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P.S. : I am glad you called as I was about to publish this post. I know you don’t want it published but still read no? And tell me if you hate it. Thank you for the smiles. Also, yes we can be back to being normal.  I never realized I went overboard. I am really sorry. Never again. But I will be messed more at times, just understand no? Also, I will never be bored of you. Even you don’t be no, please? :*

Also prompted @ 3WW, OSI, Inspiration Monday, Poets United, The Sunday WhirlCarry on Tuesday, Trifecta, Theme Thursday, and Sunday Scribblings

Quiet Love

let_yourself_be_loved_by_mikeshkaos-d38ooti

Silence speaks to me tonight, like I know not
For moments of laughter, and tears I know not
It whispers all through, in to the ears that hear
It speaks of all the moments, lost forever in haste.

It blows to my side, alphabets only I can recognize
It flew through the dry leaves, in whistles of magic
As the bird preach me alone, of romance in the darkness
The sadness of the road, today has a tale to tell.

A lanky persona falls in memory as I think of the moment
The one closest to winds breeze, of beats conversing alone
A moon whispered some intoxication into those eyes of thy
Uniting the sky to sing a poem, of love that was felt.

Looking through the stars, and trifling through the sand
We teased each other, through the lesson of friendship
A chemistry as of the angels, spoke through our stares
Before we knew, a tree shielded us, in that cold winter night.

Come with me, I said, as I took him through quiet lanes
With not a soul to be seen, I introduced him to senses
To read, what no one ever could, even when mind is crowded
He did it all, as he showered gratitude, with that one kiss.

No royal blood, we belonged to, nor of the uniting flames
Separation was our game, someday lost will we will, in woods
He was the popular one, I was the naive one
One day, we were the sparkling bond, emitting jealousy, to others.

His charm spoke, as I recorded it all in memory, in breaths
We conversed, of words and books, of music and movies
We spoke to realize, we were one in thoughts, with difference
Ultimatum gave our heart, in those times, when fingers intermingled.

Mysterious were his eyes, when they talked of hope, seeing none
I sought to just touch, the soul, hardened to the world ways
One day, It melted like wax, to fall on my feet, and thus begun
Destruction we called it, for there was no way, to return alone.

Once laying him in the grass, I read him the abstract dedication
Poetry heals I said, tears were all he could give, in embrace
To the stars, we sent our story, enveloped in our pains
Promising a visit, every time the pain was way too harsh.

We conversed, today, after all these decades of misery
In silent breaths, of what I could not undergo all alone
Of lives hidden in the moon, and those tiny stars of his
In the breeze I again felt his touch, speaking of his quiet love.

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Also Prompted @3WW, OSI, Sunday Scribblings, Carry on Tuesday, Theme Thursday, Inspiration Monday, Trifecta, Poets United, One Minute Writer, and The Sunday Whirl

Desires

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A feeling of ecstasy overpowered the existence
With just a peck of passion,  secrets unrelieved
Craving your touch, was my self, with every breath
Intoxicated in realms of unreal, I desired you.

I often said what lies  within was mere putrid
For it exhumed a bruised heart and a charred soul
Still, you sought to just entangle my fingers
Seeking to embalm me with the love, hidden afar.

It was a while that my flesh shuddered with thoughts
In which you played magic, with power of your feelings
Intensity, heard in your voice, spoke of all hidden
I rushed far, into resistant embrace, with every smell.

A speck of darkness was fading away, as dawn enlightens
In closed cubicle, I saw glowing smiles, of pure trust
I held it close, to speak of all the fears I knew not
For a confidante you were, before the steps moved ahead.

We whispered dreams and fantasies, life and death
Today, we chose to imprison the words, closely
Among the shine of giggles, and pure laughter
I took a leave, as moon appeared, only to reappear.

Fragrances of fresh henna awoke you from the fresh mist
As I stepped, with empty feet, and wet hair strands
To make love, with passion, found in unwritten leaves.
The eyes were there to entice, into a dream world today.

A spring it was, in our heart, as I moved in tandem with you
The colors in that chamber spoke of only deep romance
Orchids gelled with those red roses, as yellow marigold smiled
I asked you of their presence, you said they climbed for your glimpse.

A blush overwhelmed me, demure I became in love showers
You carried me towards a breeze of air that welcomed us,
Some rain drops, some glistened rays greeted us early
As I melted away like a liquid, in the sparks of your flesh.

Rare was the assortment, of lust and love, of purity and sin
Scared were my eyes, as you felt my lips, whispering a tale
I seek to love just the soul, move away if you must, of devils
I succumbed within you deep, with pains of desire, of eternal love.

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Written for NaPoWriMo-Day 28

Also prompted@ 3WW, OSITheme Thursday, Trifecta, Inspiration Monday, Sunday Scribblings, The Poetry Pantry, A-Z Blogging Challenge( Y for Yellow)