Best Friends

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Today I just had to spill it out. If not the ink, then the blood of emotions.  Everything on this page today, will smell of only you.  I don’t even want to sound lyrical, for it doesn’t matter what anyone read of it.  After three sleepless nights, three days of innumerable missed calls, three days of silence and three days of hurts, my heart finally gives up. I know I have often done it this year. Even spoiled my birthday somehow, for it hurts. People and their opinions rarely matter to me. But your opinions do. Always did. Even after two years of being extremely close friends ( many more years of being friends) , it really does.

I still remember that long mail when the disturbed me was pacified by you. You wanted to talk. But sharing numbers wasn’t my thing ever. And then time just went. I know you have managed my typo from the touch screen phone the most.  And I think you revived in me the ability of writing mails and mails. Long ones infact. And how I used to go and on whole day with my issues. And all that I needed was a call from you. And sigh. I think I have told you enough, but let me rephrase, the first time I talked to you, I fell in love with that voice. That accented, deep voice, O man. I can never get over that feeling. I am glad that very day you said, I choose who comes in my life and never let them go.  And then the friends forever promise. I often keep it but it was the first time someone wants to keep it with me.

Offcourse, we have had our share of fights.  One of my male bestie just told me that I can’t imagine you fighting with anyone. I actually don’t, I just go silent. And it hurt us both. Also you have reprimanded me too much for my pessimism and negativity. But I think it is all good. Who could handle my suicidal texts with humour? You only I think. And I actually have often ended up laughing. Also, who could keep texting me on important days to make sure all goes well. I think only you know how to make me laugh on my worse phases and moods. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know you get tired of taking care. You also want to be take cared. I have often tired. But then you are just way too nice to disturb me. But maybe sometimes you can try no?

All that was years back. Our friendship have changed too. We are busy and we hardly get time. Now you are more relaxed with me as my worst phase is over. But then I do have my blues. Also, I complain for I just miss ‘us’ being the more free kinds.  A person who has pushed each and every friend in these few years, kept you close. I survived for you were around. Otherwise, breakdowns I had was too much to be even told. I trusted the belief you have in me.  I test you and myself off late. I know I over react too. But then I just want to steal a piece of you which everyone gets. And often you forget I might be understanding but then I am human too. Am I not? I love and I care and also need the friend. I know I am not your best friend but then I also know how you hate when I say I have no best friend. I love it when you do realize you are my closest.

I think apart from you, hardly any know my personal issues. You think I could ever let you go? I push you off. On my birthday week I even decided I am never ever talking to you. You are my addiction. But I just was too disturbed with the accusations. And your thoughts about my issues. I don’t care what is the reality and not. I don’t even care if I ever see you . But yet I care about you and that be all. And yet, I was forced to give up. All because of the love. I weakened. I chose to never talk of those things anymore. I learnt my lesson. Every time we have fought, I learnt something and never talked on that line. A little of me died but I learnt. Now you see the effect?

Seeking to hear your voice once a month isn’t too much? Is it? Who knows where I be next year. Who knows where life takes us all. Utilizing it till the time is at hand isn’t too much. Or is it? A girl who never listen to anyone, does to you. Apart from 1-2 mistakes, you are always first one to know. When I submitted last july. I wanted to just call you. I might just do it post viva. And yet? I never intend to insult you. Never did. I have been as messed up last three days as you could ever imagine. It wasn’t about me. But me doing such things. I just want you to know that you are way too precious, just like how you considered me special.

You are one of those unnamed relationships which are like forever. I love you abound. You are my bestest friend. I want to share everything. Even when I mess my love stories. I want you to hold my hand and take me to the wedding hall someday. I want you to be the god father to my baby girl some day. And yet nothing will change. I will still throw kisses on you. Flirt in our cute harmless ways. And yet love our respective partners the most. You are the hottest and sexiest man I know. You got the moves. And I am glad I know you.  You are just everything in one. A  best friend when in tears, A lover when I am messed,  A mentor when indecisive, An ideal who makes it all easy. I know how much you try to settle things for me. No one will ever do. I just don’t allow. I might one day and that day you might be you even with me. I know it will come. I just respect you way too much.

Till that time, I just want to say ‘Don’t give up on me’. I am way too impossible. I might want you to know, times ahead are harder for me. Let me cry, and then even wipe those tears. Let us rekindle our friendship every other day. Come what may, just stay aside, even if geographical distances and time zones come between us some day. I want to get old and be the same with you. Even when our kids will go off and I am that crippled oldie, I want to call you and just smile. For in old age, all that matter is good friends.  I also want to make you proud of me one day. Have a place in the universe, where you go and say, hey that is my friend.

Space I need at times. But then don’t doubt my emotions? My actions are never deliberate. They are possessiveness at times. Jealousy at others. But then even you have them. Don’t lie that you don’t. I become helpless at times, I trample and fall. For this world is a mess and my fate even more at times. But when you be vigilant and make sure I get up, it is easier. It really is. People have warned me of attachments. Of trusting. And even keeping  close. But then, others also say you care. And that is all that matter right? You know way too much for me to now go back. I might know nothing. But trust me maybe. Someday?

I think that is all I guess. So how do we conclude? I love you beyond words, sweetheart. And my treats and coffee are pending and I will not leave without having then. Even if  it takes me decades to take it. Also, it is not easy to get rid of me. If you are stubborn about keeping some people close. Even I am. Even more if other person is the kindest and warmest human being. Someone who leaves me in awe at his sensitivity.

So forgive me, maybe? Not just this time but always?

You and me walking the opposite roads
Seeking a place in the universe
Filling hate with just purity
Of love, only we know, and cherish.

Undefined I keep ‘us’, and closed
In the palm of my hands and heart
I desire nothing, and give it all
All I want is your gift of friendship.

My creativity falls short when it’s you
You are not the muse, yet beyond
You are not just special, but beyond
Let us keep it simple, and call it heart beats.

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P.S. : I am glad you called as I was about to publish this post. I know you don’t want it published but still read no? And tell me if you hate it. Thank you for the smiles. Also, yes we can be back to being normal.  I never realized I went overboard. I am really sorry. Never again. But I will be messed more at times, just understand no? Also, I will never be bored of you. Even you don’t be no, please? :*

Also prompted @ 3WW, OSI, Inspiration Monday, Poets United, The Sunday WhirlCarry on Tuesday, Trifecta, Theme Thursday, and Sunday Scribblings

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Quiet Love

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Silence speaks to me tonight, like I know not
For moments of laughter, and tears I know not
It whispers all through, in to the ears that hear
It speaks of all the moments, lost forever in haste.

It blows to my side, alphabets only I can recognize
It flew through the dry leaves, in whistles of magic
As the bird preach me alone, of romance in the darkness
The sadness of the road, today has a tale to tell.

A lanky persona falls in memory as I think of the moment
The one closest to winds breeze, of beats conversing alone
A moon whispered some intoxication into those eyes of thy
Uniting the sky to sing a poem, of love that was felt.

Looking through the stars, and trifling through the sand
We teased each other, through the lesson of friendship
A chemistry as of the angels, spoke through our stares
Before we knew, a tree shielded us, in that cold winter night.

Come with me, I said, as I took him through quiet lanes
With not a soul to be seen, I introduced him to senses
To read, what no one ever could, even when mind is crowded
He did it all, as he showered gratitude, with that one kiss.

No royal blood, we belonged to, nor of the uniting flames
Separation was our game, someday lost will we will, in woods
He was the popular one, I was the naive one
One day, we were the sparkling bond, emitting jealousy, to others.

His charm spoke, as I recorded it all in memory, in breaths
We conversed, of words and books, of music and movies
We spoke to realize, we were one in thoughts, with difference
Ultimatum gave our heart, in those times, when fingers intermingled.

Mysterious were his eyes, when they talked of hope, seeing none
I sought to just touch, the soul, hardened to the world ways
One day, It melted like wax, to fall on my feet, and thus begun
Destruction we called it, for there was no way, to return alone.

Once laying him in the grass, I read him the abstract dedication
Poetry heals I said, tears were all he could give, in embrace
To the stars, we sent our story, enveloped in our pains
Promising a visit, every time the pain was way too harsh.

We conversed, today, after all these decades of misery
In silent breaths, of what I could not undergo all alone
Of lives hidden in the moon, and those tiny stars of his
In the breeze I again felt his touch, speaking of his quiet love.

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Also Prompted @3WW, OSI, Sunday Scribblings, Carry on Tuesday, Theme Thursday, Inspiration Monday, Trifecta, Poets United, One Minute Writer, and The Sunday Whirl

Words that Spoke

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I seek inspiration infinite
Berating the black character
Farewell to words I gave once
In the blankness that trapped.

Seasoned is the ink that flows
From the pen lying on desk
They for once take it upon
To rebuke me for all accusations.

The breeze flowing in from panel
Turn those crisp curtains hazy
I hear some mystic happening
Then the letters speak fast.

‘O insensitive human, rise
From the slumber you are
Read me, not just in books
But all around in space.

Bare your heart, and the soul
Let your body dance to music
That comes from the sparrow
Move your curves, flexibly.

Do not argue with me for once
Just feel me in your breath
Lick away the dirt that settles
When all you do is the right.

Be the wrong, be the nude
Passions runs deep within
Why not walk only for desires
Give squint look, to who disagrees.

Late you feel is your fate
But then life is still moving
Click some happiness around
Take the pain all in for smiles.

That tattoo on your body talks sense
Of the time when you lived on terms
You dictated to even the strangers
Now even the waters scares you.

Dive deep into the ocean
Intoxicate your self with vial
Let all that you hide within
Come out, even the hunger.

I am thirsty, like always
For you do injustice, to me
All that you scribble on paper
Is all that is demanded not felt.

Come on, O my dear homo sapien
I need creation from the depth
Soiled in blood, and in lust
Of  hurt, and sorrows .

I want you, traps I detest
Release from your own miseries
So once do not think, at all
Just write, in ink of love”.

Letters danced once again,
As I moved naked on sheets
With words that were mine
Dipped in love of thy.

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Also Prompted @Inspiration Monday, Sunday Scribblings, Theme Thursday, 3WW, OSI , One Minute Writer, NaPoWriMo and Poets United,

A Chef-d’oeuvre

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Scent of the papyrus lured me
Scattered were some letters
Waiting to be weaved once
Into a masterpiece unsung.

A ticket to fame shout head
Flare high the Imaginations
I sit alone in a blank might
Making no sense of empty sheets.

Naked truth are all mine I speak
In the marathon of life
I lost opportunities to think
Not loved my beloved dreams.

Fool you are to feel to write
Says the annoyed head in wonder
I smirk at his foolish thoughts
For head never rhymed for me.

Let me cry for all miseries
In the embroidery I made
Filled puzzles full of convulsions
Unleashed I, with empty alphabets.

Characters make no history
Write O fool, utter head
I scribble not some art
For words are in combat

Cheated them, in hallucinations
To equate  wealth as happiness
In rush to earn and fly high
I blocked all literary quests.

Hiding in all those lies of artificiality
Left alone, with scribbles and some vacuum
Head laughs over the helplessness
I refuse to hear him, one last time.

Hiding my face in some dew
I let out a shout of pain
For the heart could not partake
And like a blast it all came.

I wrote one line of extreme distress
Then one after another came rhythms
Setting me free of all worries
A chef-d’oeuvre was in these hands.

Also prompted @Theme  Thursday, Inspiration Monday, Sunday Scribblings, Poets United, Two Shoes Tuesday, OSI and The Sunday Whirl.

Love Re-defined

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Fairy-tales often lure our hopeless crazy hearts. Be it Cinderella, Rapunzel or even Snow white. We often wait for that knight in shining armor who often loses his right path and never reaches us. However, we forget that real life can be much more crazy, fun and lovable if we just get out of the dreams and watch it with open mind and eyes. Just watch that kid running across the road not knowing if there are rules to follow. Or watch that lazy dog lying anywhere waiting for you to adjust because he will just not move.  Also, watch those clouds that just decide to make you smile on a high temperament day and make way for breeze to disturb your hairstyle. Love is there in all those forms and then we wait for non existent phenomenons.

Seen that half moon in that orange sky when it is about to just disappear. And have you ever run to click a picture to keep that moment? Try it and I know its crazy when all the people look at you with open eyes. And you will also feel moon will rise again but the moment wouldn’t. Try giving a smile to that infant in the park and see how it brightens your day. Or just write cluelessly like me in your diary and then read after days for some laughter. Guess what? words and me are having a slight tiff so I am just writing non sense to make them calm so they fall in love with my pen again. So bear with me tonight.

Cumbersome might seem this life at times and trust me I am one morbid character, but have some optimistic thought or maybe believe in some crazy fictional reality and the pressure might ease without you knowing.  I can go on a rampage with words at times and there are days when I plan to go all things sweet and nice and thud my mind goes blank and then I force them out. What am I spilling out is something even I have no idea about.  That made me remember that it is three years since I started blogging in my last blog. And since I exported all posts here, so “Happy Birthday Blog”. So, let me try if I can write bit of mush and poetry today.  After all, if you dwell in my past writes, you will find it is these things which makes this blog all readable and nice . So here I go. Forgive me if it doesn’t smell  of my touch for I am in a slight writers block :-

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He: You actually look nice today.
She: All that is sugar and sweet right?

He: Eh? How about spicey and hot?
She: Meeeen

He: Womeeeen
She: How many?

He: Did I ask the same when you went meeeeeeeeen.
She: Well, women are basically more committed kinds.

He: That is so sexist.
She: Truth it be.

He: The twisted girl truth.
She: “Raised Eyebrow”

He: I love that look of yours
She: “Stare look”

He: Jaan hi le lo tum ( You Take my life only)
She: Ya Ya

He: Mwaaaah
She: “Smiles”

He: Haasi to fassi ( If she laughs, she is yours)
She: Hahahhaha what about your list, Mr casanova ?

He: What list idiot? My list start and ends with you no?
She : Awwww

He: Looouve
She: Yooooou

“Both embrace”

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Everlasting love
Smiling eyes
Dreamy thoughts
All mine.

Tears speak
Hands wipe
Scared steps
All mine.

Fairytales lives
Dream houses
Chocolate kisses
All mine.

Scary fights
Distressed I
 Endless argues
All mine.

Unexpected surprise
Single rose
Burned toasts
All mine.

Phobic alone
Future plans
Confused lanes
All mine.

Starry night
Shining moon
Sparling solitaire
All mine.

Knots tied
One lifetime
Soulmate we
You and I.

Also , Happy Valentine’s Day to believers and non-believers. I am sure in some ways we all believe in love. Love for our parents, our sibling, our cute dog, that adorable infant or maybe that lively surrounding. If none of this, then maybe we love music, words, books or maybe love love. For, I am those hopeless lovers who love LOVE 🙂

So, spread love and enjoy 🙂

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Also prompted @3ww, Poets United, Trifecta and ABC Wednesday ( E for Everlasting)