Birthday Mania

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When March ends, I am mostly glad. For that month somehow never suits me. And secondly, the next month is the month of birthdays. Sibling birthday and then obviously mine. April didn’t really started on a great note. A past came calling, rushing in the memories I left back. It made me realize, I mattered but then if I take that step again, I would have been destroyed. So, first time in my life, I took a decision with the head and resisted my heart. And I was proud I did so. But, then a slight isolated me happened. It wasn’t needed but made me realize who cares, so was nice.

Before I knew, birthday week started with bro’s birthday. Baked the cake successfully and was super happy. And before I knew, my birthday bells were ringing. First birthday, that I was so not excited about. After all me was getting old and didn’t really wanted to celebrate. But, then some friends are just too special to make you smile the umpteenth time. Calls started since midnight, and so many as I never expected. Wishes were flooding on talks, on texts, on social platforms, I was just made very very special. And special friends, made sure I know how much I was loved, even if not expressed. I was floored, for people who I expected to be there, were there. I thank my stars, inspite of it all, I do have friends, for whom I matter. And best is, blogging has given me some precious pals too.

First time, I never blogged for my birthday. Infact, April was complete no writing month. First time, I didn’t wanted a cake too. But still managed to bake a very delicious cake which is now my favorite too ūüôā Here , is a picture, for people interested ūüôā

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Last minute plans to dine out. Some nice¬†Chinese¬†food, in a breezing weather, made the birthday , just worth it all. Its true, when you don’t plan, your day goes the best and this birthday was one. And since I was a lighter weight me ,( reminds I have to again lose the stress weight I gained..booohoo) the picture ended up nice too.

Post birthday was no less, I again won a book for my writing ( I first won a first prize for my micro writing on 14th Feb 2012 which I missed conveying in previous posts.) And so the prize was a happy birthday gift.

Rest of the month was bit mention-less  as it was little more disciplined, stressful and involved lot of studying , as deadline was approaching. But somehow April was a sane happy month.

An echo from the past
Ringed at the first step
Scaring the wounds
I gained in roundabouts

A soft voice reached behind
Emulating the memories I hid
To extend the hand once again
So the crushing laugh is heard.

Strength I gained to thrash
What was no longer mine
And opened wings in arenas
That mark the new era.

Some sleepy birthday surprises
Wishes and loads of love
Unplanned , yet the happiest
Moments I live in a day.

Rose smelled early,
As calls made one sleepless
Wishes from loved ones
As I celebrate last of a decade.

Some wins, some losses
Lots of hardships, one aim
Work made one a better being
As some tough times gleamed.

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Written as part of Lady Nimue’s Month of the Year-Season 3

Also Prompted @3WW and Easy Street Prompts

P.S. It was a task posting this post, since I write anonymously. I wrote it in breaks in a day, but then wanted to blog it out so did. Glad I did as it ended out a kinda happy post.

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March (Sigh)

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MARCH……The horrifying month, the one I dread forever was once again standing on my face. It was not as heartbreaking as it was last year, but then it was not really good in itself. So, if I think of it this year, not much memories stand. ¬†Yes, there were few eventful ¬†things to make me smile and some to make me pissed. First time in my few years of baking did a cake I baked exploded (literally). Imagine my pissed off mood. ¬†Now when I think of it, perhaps it showed me maybe the person for whose birthday I was taking the pain, could never value me so it did. That is why, inspite of the first step I took, my relationship with that person¬†deteriorates¬† every day and ironically that person will be tied unknowingly to my life always (sigh). Insecurity and competitive streaks often ruins things in life and sadly it did to us. Ironically, the same cake when made for my bro’s birthday next month was a super success. Maybe , some incidents show us some things. Cake for mom’s birthday was a super success too and some happy smiles .

Now to some good moments. The month started somehow positively, with the fit and disciplined self I made myself in the last month, but alas positivism isn’t always strong to survive till the end. If smile is all about writing to me, then this gift reached me in many ways. Small fictions, or small rhymes became an everyday¬†exercise¬†in this month thanks to a community and rejoiced in writing by prompt inspirations. Small moments they were, but smiles and growth was extreme. Hopefully I could go back to that¬†exercise¬†again soon.

Rest, certain deadline was nearing, so was the stress. So, this month was lots about reading, books, writing and keeping up to achieve that one last step to become something. So, basically, this month went sanely, compared to the disturbing, panicked months ahead. But, the faith of people around made me survive somehow.

Disturbing times, abnormal haste,
Hope dangled around in dark pitches
Lavish was the knowledge seen
Expression lacked, I wondered how.

Insecure people, symbols of fate
Tears rolled, at hurt they passed
Life at standstill, yet moving
Faith in the light, I kept still.

Words moved in circles around
I catch their thread once again
As if to heal me, they stayed.
I was on a path of self discovery.

Hard-work and failure, together I see.
Trying not to cry, I push aside myself
For I had to succeed once, for them
To prove, I am worth what no one perceive.

Letting go, all the hurt, focus returns
To the scribbling within the brain
Work to survive , with the best results,
I resolve to do it, with all my falls.

Life hurts, I fall umpteenth
Yet, the last test I give
Where the naivety tries the best
Before the wordiness pollutes.

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Written as Part of the Lady Nimue’s Month of ¬†the Year Challenge-Season 3

Also Prompted @3WW, OSI, Sunday Scribblings, Theme Thursday, Inspiration Monday, DVerse Poets Pub, Trifecta

Tender Febraury

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The soft ray of light coming across that window pane gives a smile. Holding on to that cup of coffee, I feel a ¬†warm happiness within. The season change spelled a time change. It ¬†was having it’s effect as the new month arrived. The one, people associated with love. For me, it was about friends and some moments of laughs with their¬†sun-shines. ¬†Memories of this month were always filled with affection. Be it decades back, or sometimes just years back. ¬†Unions of love, of smiles, of laughs, of new born, of jolly. ¬†Yearnings of the time that went by, and dreams of someday when laughter acquires different meanings. ¬†A desire, a lost affair, a clinging, a loss and in between it all, I decide to give it all away, to move on. ¬†Resurrection of the lost form, resolve to work like it all ends today, to finalize what I undertook.

Smiling at the rose petals that fall,
I ask the ray what you give and take,
I realize that lost I have many times,
But in all this, I was missing on me.

“I miss you” are words that come to me,
As I surf through old memories, and pictures,
Of the smile, and the carelessness inscribed,
Of the innocence, that didn’t worry of hurts.

Life took its turn, as maturity started creeping,
I am still lost in search of identity I make,
Yet, missed is the person, who stood for happiness,
Even when all that people saw was despair.

Time changed, season changed, and I stood still,
Then the wind blew,  taking me to a different land,
Where golden spoon gave way to just one’s own hand,
And I cultivate land not knowing what to find now.

Creativity smiled, and gave me the pen,
I still relish it like a dream eternal,
But life seeks more from the person within,
And await a day when sadness creeps away.

Month of resolves, and of love all around,
It left me with lot of light mindedness,
And missions to be accomplished, alone
Delightfully I resolved to see the year ahead.

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Written as part of the Month of The Year Writing Prompt-2012-Season 3.

Also Prompted @ DVerse, OSI, The Sunday Whirl, Easy Street Prompts, Poets United

January Beginnings

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As the new year whispered in my ears about eleven months back, I smiled and thanked it with the utmost care. After all, the year that went by was by far the worse year filled with downhill roads I climbed inspite of no desires. Today, as the year ends and like the last¬†December¬† I sit down to pen my thoughts for this year. I wonder what exactly did this year gave. Nothing special compared to what all I expected. Yet, nothing worse happened, which makes me all glad. ¬†It had its bad moments , and yet there were some beautiful smiles. So , by being part of ¬†Lady Nimue’s Month of the Year Writing Prompt, I decide to de-fragment the year that went with some thuds, and loads of hurts , and yet gave me patience ¬†to not leave herculean ¬†tasks midway.

January brought hope. It brought snuggling in the blanket. Also, it brought some promises. Tasks I took first step towards. Healthy food habits and some weight loss ( which was useless as stress of later year made me gain double). Some positive mindset and some determination to make a new beginning this year and finding a new nest in a different location.

A year which has memories, I hardly bury away. Beautiful when I lived.  First year, in ages, I forgot to remember, the date and him. What transpired between you and me, still hold precious within. But the head finally said, it should stay in recesses I know not about.

Too much stress, bundled away in meditation, made me know the solution to health -mental and physical. I fainted in thoughts of the deadline I was preparing for years and clenched on to the strength I was losing. All work , no play rule came into life as I prepared for what this year was to be about. Prodding my mind, to work fast, to finalize a near perfect work, is all aimed. Looking in the mirror, at the face last¬†December¬†left me, I wonder, “Don’t I know you?” Only to start regaining what I was losing, even if I fail.

January hopes, sprinkled away
In the winter snow outside
Meditating for better tomorrow
Amidst health diets and hot showers.

Some tasks to be fulfilled, in hardships
The year promised, with isolated dependence
I smiled, in worrisome beings
For what I see, even in broken dreams.

Spirit high, in positive thoughts of tomorrow
Of written words and dreams of the read scribbles
Hopes and dreams, of miracles I lost
In years that went past.

Prayers of dreams, hopes of love
Friends, and enemies, rolled in one
In the year , carrying the number,
Of the birth, as I lost and yet wished.

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Written as part of the Month-of-the-Year-Writing-Prompt-2012-season-3

Also Prompted @3WW, Theme Thursday, JP at Olive Garden, Sunday Scribblings, Inspiration Monday,  OSI