Insane Thoughts

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My mind is locked somewhere. In the lull of sluggishness. I desperately seek to find a way out of this maze. And yet all I see is blackness. A void it might be somewhere. But it is not. Words have been my refuge for quite a while. But now they aren’t as poetic as I thought them to be. It isn’t like words left me. They find me in corners of work. They find me behind those crumbled notes. They find me in the smiles of my pupils. They even find me hidden behind ideas I pen for the world. But then they don’t help be my recluse. In rhymes and fictions. In being my catharsis. It is as if some dust settled on top of my creative cerebrum. I shout, I find. But I am way too mechanical to shake them up. I miss that part of me. That part which relish a rainy night amidst some romance of the words. That part of me that couldn’t sleep without making love to those books which were sprinkled with dreams. I have made quite much of a sense with my life. And in between lost quite bit of love I showered to my heart through my insane pieces. Maybe. Maybe not.

Insanity often defines me. And is insanity really that bad? If I wasn’t insane, I wouldn’t be that passionate about my life. I wouldn’t be doing what I do then. I would have been struggling to survive if I wasn’t in love with my mundane tasks. Now I am at peace and yet that is all to it. I live life a day at a time. I relish my daily dose of music and weekly dose of movies. I pamper myself to be lazy on slow days. I am doing what I should and slowly learning to grow. I share a drink or two with my laughters. I afford whatever I wanted to once. I splurge. I earn. I live fully. But then am I not forgetting some other major parts of me? Or has technology taken over us so much that we don’t let our brains have time for reading sonnets and writing poetry?

Whatever it be, it’s good that I am writing today. Might not be very much. But I am. And its not some professional paper with a deadline. It’s an unedited flow of words directly from the heart. And maybe the brain. We all should let ourselves be unedited sometimes. Even our pictures can be so at times. Rawness isn’t that bad. Its real. Its beautiful. Its you. And its me.

One should be sharing love in this insane world of yours. Even with strangers. For they can inspire music in us at times. They can be our muse at times. Or maybe a momental inspiration. And you, scared people, go tell your loved ones of your love. It will be worth it. Hell, tell that to your crush too. Who knows they might be struggling with the thought that they are unloved in this world. And that one word will be enough for them to live another day.

Be mad. Be crazy. Be insane. Be loving. Be you.

P.S. : I just realised this is my first post this year. Hope 2017 treating everyone good. Been  truly fantastic for me 🙂

Happy 200th

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Hello everyone,

I know I have been missing for too long. Life has been just so busy that I forgot to write. Months back when I wrote my last post, I decided my next post will be extra special, and in that need for perfection, I forgot to share tidbits that make it all special and hence life engulfed me more.

I wanted this 200th post to be a guest post, but my friends are equally like me and life became too happening for them too. In the process, I missed important milestones of my blog. I completed four years of this blog ( which was initially started on blogger) on valentine’s day and missed the special post. I had an awesome yet silent birthday this year and I even missed that. But most important, I lost the fervor to write, world literally pulled me in me so much that all I read is work and all I write is work.

But then that doesn’t mean I didn’t do much. This year has been thankfully pretty happy. I knew it will be and it was. I miss writing nonsensical poems on my phone now, but then maybe its good. For mostly I used to write when I am sad, and I haven’t really written much sad poems this year. I even hardly go to my poetry club meets. But I am glad I am part of it, as it filled my vacuum last year and gave me awesome friends. Some friends who helped me sail this year too, when I needed.

Now, I meet people more though. I tweet few lines when little inspired. I post on instagram and love it. Maybe I like keeping my love for photographs. But I miss reading you all and writing here.

Life has a schedule now. Which says even if you sleep late, better get up early. And when home, you have so much to do that you should not think of all that upsets you. Meet people that make you smile and be glad they are there when you need them. This birthday, most special people of my life had long phone conversations unlike just short ones and I loved it more than anything else. I got my favorite cake and people told me they love me and I smiled. I have friends I can ping when messed up and friends I can meet to explore food. I have ones who give me poetry meetups and one’s who can see my face and read my mood. Lot of love all around and yet something missing. But I am glad for everything has a time. Maybe it will be time to love again too someday.

I enjoyed my work stint which was for one semester. I got my first salary and life moved.  Past three months taught me much more than I can ever imagine. It gave me confidence, it gave me identity. From the anxious, giddy girl who fiddles and whose words used to freeze in front of the crowd I became someone many loved and learnt a lot. From that nervous, messed up speaker on my first day of work (in-spite of all the preparations), I turned into someone who gave an impromptu farewell speech without faltering down. Next semester will be something new, but now I know I will not sit in vacuum. I just pray I get that dream permanent stint soon too. For hope is showing and wish it ends as a positive success. All along I always thought the profession that chose me isn’t for me, but last few months told me I was wrong, for I love what I do. I get smiles too in the process and I am glad.

All I miss is writing and being inspired. I miss reading fiction. I miss all things literature. But maybe, this was it. Or maybe not. Maybe someday I will be inspired enough again. Till then pray for all things good for me. And even love and happiness.

I seek to sprinkle some love
In the rough blankets of life
Spreading magic of smiles around
For that is all I know.

Cheers till then,
Hopefully we meet soon again.

Day sacred valentine card

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Randomness

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O how I miss writing. This december something has been missing and today I realised it was month of the year challenge. It was that challenge that made me introspect for past two years. Also, it made me directly talk to my readers and not just give them my creative pieces. I had somehow started liking that random thoughts kind of writing. It made me feel lose and just come face to face with the year that was. The challenge might happen in January according to my friend. But then I might be little bit busy to do justice to it.

But what I miss most is the compulsion to write for I wanted to. Professional things have kept me little bit busy and hence I have been so off social media and stuff that I just don’t write. Also, due to space constraints on the phone haven’t been able to use wordpress there. Sigh I miss it all. Also, I miss my poetry club which I haven’t attended for long.

Somehow I have come to term with facts that if friends don’t value you much, you should not be the first to do the efforts always. And alas, it made me sans friends. I know there are still few I can rely on. Just miss that always in touch kind of friends. Guess its life. But then maybe once the work thing starts I might be too busy to realize that. I have just stop being the caring and all giving kind of friend. People want me to give them all the priority and love and when I expect, well my priority in their life is last. So now I just don’t try. With some very special friends I still try because they do try and only I went busy but with others after many tries I have realized just not worth making fool of myself by showing them to be special and in the end become a buffoon. Sigh I just can’t understand people. I need new people in my life. Till then, family and work keeps me busy.

I met my ex-roomie after long and it was so nice. She is one girl I have always been glad to know. And its awesome I can say that for long because marriage hasn’t changed her but made it more fun as I have been friends with her hubby too before they got married. I plan to meet her more now on. Need to treasure those who value you.  She is one who has always encouraged my poetry and I love her for that.

Otherwise life is a mess. Just nothing working out. Times are tiring. And the hopeless romantic in me misses having a muse. Its funny how as we grow up we become calculated on who to have crush on too for its no longer about flings. But more than crush, I miss that one best friend I can call always as  luckily most of my crushes have been my best friends. Even ex for that matter.

Too many random thoughts this post has for my mind has just too much for the sheer lack of writing. Guess should write more so I feel more sane.

Hope you all doing good.

Hope the self afflicted kind of writer’s block ends soon and I give you all something wonderful to read.

Till then,

Love and spread love 🙂

P.S. Its winters and I love the season 🙂

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I Find You…

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Days like today, I wonder
Where do the words hide
When the heart seek them
On the paper, this blank.

The mighty sword, called pen
Is struggling to spill ink
Spin a wheel, to weave
Maybe a rhyme, or verse.

Often, when the heart smiles
I find you hidden in eyes
Telling a tale of happiness
Wordlessly they, say it aloud.

I find recluse in magic
When tears refuse to stop
Staring at the blank leaf
I find inspiration, to scribe.

To nature, you are closest
Moon smiles, and stars dance
As the rain, sings sonnets
To tell your hiding place.

When these fingers are intertwined
With the ‘one’ I love
I also find you around
As impromptu tales are written.

There are many other places
You hide stubbornly, in need
But I still wish everyday
For your stay, till doomsday.

Written for the OctPoWriMo writing prompt Day 2-Hiding Places

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Words that Spoke

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I seek inspiration infinite
Berating the black character
Farewell to words I gave once
In the blankness that trapped.

Seasoned is the ink that flows
From the pen lying on desk
They for once take it upon
To rebuke me for all accusations.

The breeze flowing in from panel
Turn those crisp curtains hazy
I hear some mystic happening
Then the letters speak fast.

‘O insensitive human, rise
From the slumber you are
Read me, not just in books
But all around in space.

Bare your heart, and the soul
Let your body dance to music
That comes from the sparrow
Move your curves, flexibly.

Do not argue with me for once
Just feel me in your breath
Lick away the dirt that settles
When all you do is the right.

Be the wrong, be the nude
Passions runs deep within
Why not walk only for desires
Give squint look, to who disagrees.

Late you feel is your fate
But then life is still moving
Click some happiness around
Take the pain all in for smiles.

That tattoo on your body talks sense
Of the time when you lived on terms
You dictated to even the strangers
Now even the waters scares you.

Dive deep into the ocean
Intoxicate your self with vial
Let all that you hide within
Come out, even the hunger.

I am thirsty, like always
For you do injustice, to me
All that you scribble on paper
Is all that is demanded not felt.

Come on, O my dear homo sapien
I need creation from the depth
Soiled in blood, and in lust
Of  hurt, and sorrows .

I want you, traps I detest
Release from your own miseries
So once do not think, at all
Just write, in ink of love”.

Letters danced once again,
As I moved naked on sheets
With words that were mine
Dipped in love of thy.

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Also Prompted @Inspiration Monday, Sunday Scribblings, Theme Thursday, 3WW, OSI , One Minute Writer, NaPoWriMo and Poets United,