Lonely Winters

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When one has accomplished one goal and there is no route to other goals, a kind of emptiness sweeps within. You know you are a bundle of dreams, expectations and desires and yet you are seen as one useless person for you are just waiting. And that sucks like nothing. October and November did that to me. I could still not get out of my city for a vacation and hence the stress quotient wasn’t relieved much and on top of it, illness crept in badly with almost everyone falling ill. So, the month was about medicines, sleeps, arguments, bad moods and what not.

Also, some realizations happened. Some relationships are of sort where  love is too much when apart, and too many disagreements when together.  Nevertheless, too much love kills for there are too many expectations.  But then, we manage for we have to. Again these months were isolated ones, when the social and friend circle were not present any near. So, a really dark winter in a way.

However, October did give one nice occasion to celebrate. A festival we made into a mini celebration for the family. Apart from loads of cooking, self pampering and shopping, we made it a fun day for our cute baby. Since, the baby’s first birthday was a video call one , we decided to bake a cake and celebrate one in our own ways. I managed to bake a cake apart from all other things and one tiny smash cup cake for him. And all of it did get done on time. Nice clothes, loads of photography, much more foods and load and load of smiles the day brought. Baby looked the cutest with his dangling long hair ( which got cut the next day and in a day he transformed from a baby to a big boy). The traditional attire look was best on our angel too but best was him carrying his cup cake in whole house and soiling around even if he hardly ate.  But, the cake was a hit and for the first time my sibling actually said you did bake one awesome cake. Totally worth it all.

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Naked truths stood upfront,
Vacant lies the within
Tears roll across again
To fight inner recesses.

I fall, I detest it
Hidden are all goals
Focused ideas are empty
I am everything but me.

Jar of wishes is ajar
I desire to pick a jelly
Blooming with all love
Yet, that step seems far.

Idle looks my present
To all who sees carelessness
Turmoil I carry across
No one but the mind knows.

Load of expectations kills
Aware I, of all responsibility
The child within wants to play
One last time, like the end.

I reside all alone
In the middle of nowhere
To find a purpose or light
Where lies the path of sight.

An angel exists as a cure
Pairing smiles,  to sad tears
Giving sparks of happiness
And  I smile a bit.

Separation from you was hardest
When sickness found its way
I can never forget your excitement
When I smiled to your jigs.

For that moment I promise to cheer
Once and for all things dear
And say hello to rays
For my little sunshine there.

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Written as part of Lady Nimue’s Month of the Year Writing Prompt-Season 3.

Also Prompted @ 3WW, OSI, The Sunday Whirl, Inspiration Monday, Trifecta and Two Shoes Tuesday.

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Winter Love

Its been years gone
But memories are fresh
Of the day you said bye
To the singleton life.

The month was indeed heavy
Festive was the air around
As October end would come
To give a new phase to you.

Smiles and tears were mixed
Nostalgic moments we shared
But happiness had no bar
As you indeed found the prince.

The best wedding I ever saw
And lived every moments in it
Heart was happy as you went
And tears didn’t really stop.

Little angel color your world
And I smell happiness around
Glad is me for the friendship
That stayed even post changes.

I met someone on the same day
Year later, I wish I shouldn’t
And I cried to wipe  memories
This year renewal, I pray to.

I was harsh to being loved
Life left me no choices now
Selfish I was to be seek sanity
I cry for forgiveness from you.

Hated me some, loved some
Winter was indeed coming
To bring some peace back
I pray happiness for forever.

First winters they were to me
When I fell in complete love
With this one beautiful season
As the cold breeze came along.

Cold often made me wary
November was no less still
I was bitter and scorned
Pulling my brain into dark.

Demolishing the own spirit
To love and live completely
Regretting decision I made
Regressing in past nostalgia.

An Angel I bombarded always
With my digressing live stories
Patiently he contained anger
For the care he forever felt.

One night stress of the bond
Overcame both of us together
And made me aware, he again
Stopping happiness I was .

Hated him I did in the anger
Wanting to have a cold war
Then the cooled me realized
The truth in the words said.

Taking break from life I lived
Time made me  analyze myself
Removing  all the hatreds I had
Bitter and negatives I erased all.

Transformation I was taking
As the last month arrived now
Smiling more, Loving what I did
Firmly I set eyes to goals of joys.

I thank you O my dearest friend
You are the rare blessing I got
From the misery of this ‘bad’year
I resolved to love myself again .

Resolving to smile all  the times
Feeling the beauty around me
I aim to spread happiness always
As live I to reach laurels pretty.

P.S. : This also happen to be my 100th post.  I dedicate this to the friend who made me a better human by his scoldings, advises and words inspite of all his busy life. You heard all my boring talks and was there for me always and ever. I am sorry from the heart for whenever I hurt you. You are the greatest friend anyone can have and I wish this friendship remains forever. I am sure the wordings would have made you know who YOU are. I love you, my guardian angel 🙂

Written as part of The Month of the Year Challenge-Season 2.

Also Prompted @3WW, OSI and Sunday Scribblings