Circle of Life

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Tears float around
Water lay still
Wonder of future
As past knocks.

I see clouds
Of us alone
Years have passed
Something still stays.

I feel nothing
You try evoking
‘What if’ bothers
I turn back.

I cherish memories
I stay still
Date you seek
I keep promise.

Love was true
World turned since
To keep sanity
Distance I love.

Souls are winded
I loved once
Time is different
Hurt no less

Fate is playing
I at peace
Circle of life
Gives the justice.

Written as part of the OctPoWriMo writing prompt Day 22: A Picture Paints a Thousand Poems

35a81-journal

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Best Friends

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Today I just had to spill it out. If not the ink, then the blood of emotions.  Everything on this page today, will smell of only you.  I don’t even want to sound lyrical, for it doesn’t matter what anyone read of it.  After three sleepless nights, three days of innumerable missed calls, three days of silence and three days of hurts, my heart finally gives up. I know I have often done it this year. Even spoiled my birthday somehow, for it hurts. People and their opinions rarely matter to me. But your opinions do. Always did. Even after two years of being extremely close friends ( many more years of being friends) , it really does.

I still remember that long mail when the disturbed me was pacified by you. You wanted to talk. But sharing numbers wasn’t my thing ever. And then time just went. I know you have managed my typo from the touch screen phone the most.  And I think you revived in me the ability of writing mails and mails. Long ones infact. And how I used to go and on whole day with my issues. And all that I needed was a call from you. And sigh. I think I have told you enough, but let me rephrase, the first time I talked to you, I fell in love with that voice. That accented, deep voice, O man. I can never get over that feeling. I am glad that very day you said, I choose who comes in my life and never let them go.  And then the friends forever promise. I often keep it but it was the first time someone wants to keep it with me.

Offcourse, we have had our share of fights.  One of my male bestie just told me that I can’t imagine you fighting with anyone. I actually don’t, I just go silent. And it hurt us both. Also you have reprimanded me too much for my pessimism and negativity. But I think it is all good. Who could handle my suicidal texts with humour? You only I think. And I actually have often ended up laughing. Also, who could keep texting me on important days to make sure all goes well. I think only you know how to make me laugh on my worse phases and moods. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know you get tired of taking care. You also want to be take cared. I have often tired. But then you are just way too nice to disturb me. But maybe sometimes you can try no?

All that was years back. Our friendship have changed too. We are busy and we hardly get time. Now you are more relaxed with me as my worst phase is over. But then I do have my blues. Also, I complain for I just miss ‘us’ being the more free kinds.  A person who has pushed each and every friend in these few years, kept you close. I survived for you were around. Otherwise, breakdowns I had was too much to be even told. I trusted the belief you have in me.  I test you and myself off late. I know I over react too. But then I just want to steal a piece of you which everyone gets. And often you forget I might be understanding but then I am human too. Am I not? I love and I care and also need the friend. I know I am not your best friend but then I also know how you hate when I say I have no best friend. I love it when you do realize you are my closest.

I think apart from you, hardly any know my personal issues. You think I could ever let you go? I push you off. On my birthday week I even decided I am never ever talking to you. You are my addiction. But I just was too disturbed with the accusations. And your thoughts about my issues. I don’t care what is the reality and not. I don’t even care if I ever see you . But yet I care about you and that be all. And yet, I was forced to give up. All because of the love. I weakened. I chose to never talk of those things anymore. I learnt my lesson. Every time we have fought, I learnt something and never talked on that line. A little of me died but I learnt. Now you see the effect?

Seeking to hear your voice once a month isn’t too much? Is it? Who knows where I be next year. Who knows where life takes us all. Utilizing it till the time is at hand isn’t too much. Or is it? A girl who never listen to anyone, does to you. Apart from 1-2 mistakes, you are always first one to know. When I submitted last july. I wanted to just call you. I might just do it post viva. And yet? I never intend to insult you. Never did. I have been as messed up last three days as you could ever imagine. It wasn’t about me. But me doing such things. I just want you to know that you are way too precious, just like how you considered me special.

You are one of those unnamed relationships which are like forever. I love you abound. You are my bestest friend. I want to share everything. Even when I mess my love stories. I want you to hold my hand and take me to the wedding hall someday. I want you to be the god father to my baby girl some day. And yet nothing will change. I will still throw kisses on you. Flirt in our cute harmless ways. And yet love our respective partners the most. You are the hottest and sexiest man I know. You got the moves. And I am glad I know you.  You are just everything in one. A  best friend when in tears, A lover when I am messed,  A mentor when indecisive, An ideal who makes it all easy. I know how much you try to settle things for me. No one will ever do. I just don’t allow. I might one day and that day you might be you even with me. I know it will come. I just respect you way too much.

Till that time, I just want to say ‘Don’t give up on me’. I am way too impossible. I might want you to know, times ahead are harder for me. Let me cry, and then even wipe those tears. Let us rekindle our friendship every other day. Come what may, just stay aside, even if geographical distances and time zones come between us some day. I want to get old and be the same with you. Even when our kids will go off and I am that crippled oldie, I want to call you and just smile. For in old age, all that matter is good friends.  I also want to make you proud of me one day. Have a place in the universe, where you go and say, hey that is my friend.

Space I need at times. But then don’t doubt my emotions? My actions are never deliberate. They are possessiveness at times. Jealousy at others. But then even you have them. Don’t lie that you don’t. I become helpless at times, I trample and fall. For this world is a mess and my fate even more at times. But when you be vigilant and make sure I get up, it is easier. It really is. People have warned me of attachments. Of trusting. And even keeping  close. But then, others also say you care. And that is all that matter right? You know way too much for me to now go back. I might know nothing. But trust me maybe. Someday?

I think that is all I guess. So how do we conclude? I love you beyond words, sweetheart. And my treats and coffee are pending and I will not leave without having then. Even if  it takes me decades to take it. Also, it is not easy to get rid of me. If you are stubborn about keeping some people close. Even I am. Even more if other person is the kindest and warmest human being. Someone who leaves me in awe at his sensitivity.

So forgive me, maybe? Not just this time but always?

You and me walking the opposite roads
Seeking a place in the universe
Filling hate with just purity
Of love, only we know, and cherish.

Undefined I keep ‘us’, and closed
In the palm of my hands and heart
I desire nothing, and give it all
All I want is your gift of friendship.

My creativity falls short when it’s you
You are not the muse, yet beyond
You are not just special, but beyond
Let us keep it simple, and call it heart beats.

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P.S. : I am glad you called as I was about to publish this post. I know you don’t want it published but still read no? And tell me if you hate it. Thank you for the smiles. Also, yes we can be back to being normal.  I never realized I went overboard. I am really sorry. Never again. But I will be messed more at times, just understand no? Also, I will never be bored of you. Even you don’t be no, please? :*

Also prompted @ 3WW, OSI, Inspiration Monday, Poets United, The Sunday WhirlCarry on Tuesday, Trifecta, Theme Thursday, and Sunday Scribblings

The Promised Coffee

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Present 

A promise was all that it seemed.  For it was with someone non existent in the present. Yet, it was all that was hers. Rekindled memories appeared with the thought of keeping the promise. It was like a long forgotten kiss felt on the sour lips. The fresh smoke out of the bag hidden somewhere in the past, was inciting her. Somehow it was the date that didn’t let her sleep. It was her favorite month, once again. A fool’s delight was the date tonight. Yet, something told her that he might not take it a miss. What if he skips the deal and later pronounces with those shameless words, ‘O darling. That was a April Fool’s joke’. But she is known to keep her word. And he never did. So she took the chance, for a promised word, they made a decade back.

Ten years back 

A phone call it was all.  Somehow she initiated the conversation by a simple forwarded text she sent him.  But, then somehow they wanted a talk. It has been years since life happened.

*EXCLUSIVE* Selena Gomez Has A Big Smile on Her Face

He: Hello.
She: Hi. I wasn’t expecting a phone call.

He: And I was thinking of some coffee.
She: Eh? Sorry?

He: The apology for not meeting and remember I have to return that book.
She: And those change too.

He: O ya *Chuckles*
She: Since when did you start needing excuses?

He: Since you stopped meeting.
*Silence*

She: Anyways, so what is new?
He: Will tell you when we meet.

She: Eh? I thought that was a joke.
He: Nope. O comeon just a coffee. Tomorrow?

She: O Ya Ya. Let us make a deal. Coffee on you. Years on me.
He: Eh?

She: 10 years later. Same date. Same city. Coffee. You and me.
He: Hmmm. And I will still be nothing.

She: My career hasn’t even started. Deal?
He: Deal. 1st April 2013. We meet again.

She: You never asked where and what time?
He: Our place. I am sure it will still exist. And for breakfast?

She: Promise. And then we will talk.
He: But tomorrow?

She: I am just not yet ready.
*Silence*

She: Talk to you later. See you.
He: See you.

It has been five years since she saw him last. Yet, she wasn’t ready. Will life be any different ten years later. She wondered.

Present

Basking in the glory of the present, she realized how he still manages to make her feel miserable. How she was still a vacuum unknown. Everything used to be magical in his presence. Then, she reveled in grief and pain too long.  She never really raised a finger over the wrongs once. And today, something was not really right even in the perfect surrounding. . Maybe, it was waiting for the closure she will be giving herself tonight. She should have done that decade back. But then she wouldn’t not have given herself that seal then. Now she can. After all, tomorrow is another day.

As the sun was out in its glory, she found herself in front of the mirror, trying to look the best. After all, sometimes impressions are all that are yours. So, here she was ready before time and on the way to the place. They called it their place. Sigh. She thought how the memories still pass through you after all these years. Five years of togetherness. Fifteen years apart. Yet, a string strung.

She finally was standing at the edge of that buzzing coffee shop. She still could find a imprint of them stuck to their old corner.

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Feeling the fresh corners of the seat that held them once, she found a comfortable posture to settle down. She was in an anxious mood as to if she did the right thing by being here. What if he didn’t remember. Or what if he choose to forget the promise. Her convoluted mind and confused thoughts were interrupted by a familiar scent and a familiar face. Just some grey hair and a wrinkled lines on a bespectacled face were the new addition. Otherwise, he was still the heart stealer .

He: So you did stop by?
She: Even you did.

He: This city is still my second home. You have gone places.
She: This city will always be my first home. Anyways, how you been?

He: Good. Just a bit old maybe.
She: Still fishing for compliments. Are you?

He: Not at all. Infact, you deserve too many.
She: * chuckles* I am too old for that.

He: Life begins at forty darling. And I must say you have taken quite a good care of your body.
She: So you saying I have finally achieved the perfect figure which I never had back in college. Right?

He:  Transformation from an angel to a diva I say.
She: Stop buttering. We are no longer in college

He: O college. Makes me feel like how long it been. Even the university days were over long back.
She: Fifteen years since we last saw each other.

He: You remember?
She: I do. Though it wasn’t such a great memory.

He: Sigh. I know.
She: So spectacles make you quite serious

He: Now we look bit similar.
She: Hahaha and professional.

He: You do. I am still stuck in the same old routine
She: Sympathy gainer you still are.

He: Not with everyone
She: Ya Ya. So, how is Natasha?

He: * Stares*
She: I know her real name for too long.

He: Sometimes wrong facts are the only option we have.
She: Dishonesty is never right. Only if you were not the coward.

He: I wasn’t. Just the circumstances….
She: O ya. Circumstances make you cheat. Fall in love. Anyways, any kids?

He: Not yet. Actually I am planning to go abroad for a degree.
She: Doctorate isn’t your game darling. And still confused about your life? High time you take control of it.

He: Haha. You still know me quite a bit. I see, You did very well with that part. A writer. You always wrote well.
She: I hardly wrote back then. But then found my calling in it ultimately.

He: Marriage?
She: Who has the time?

He: Don’t do that?
She: Everything isn’t about you, love.

He: You really loved me no? Wish I…
She: Courage is the word. But don’t. For then I would have turned a drop in the ocean. Pain teaches us life. And you never had that around you.

He: You also had the destiny to be so.
She: Yes. Even you did. Just you never saw

He: That is so not…..

Before he could complete the sentence. A horde of fans were surrounding her like devotees. She had no option but to make a move, she finally said:-

” You only wanted artificiality  I only wanted you. But my path was right and yours was wrong. You are still mine in those memories. Fame was bestowed, for I had love. And you have an empty hand. Next time wish with a clean heart “

Tears rolled. He loved, but with conditions. And he finally realized it.. She ultimately found the closure. As she let him go completely.

Love grew in the innocent hearts
Memories were all it left then
They still curse it for the pain
Yet relish it for the desire abound.

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Also Prompted @ 3WW, Inspiration Monday, Sunday Scribblings, NaPoWriMo, Theme Thursday, Carry on Tuesday and A-Z Blogging Challenge ( K for Kiss and L for Love)

Winter Love

Its been years gone
But memories are fresh
Of the day you said bye
To the singleton life.

The month was indeed heavy
Festive was the air around
As October end would come
To give a new phase to you.

Smiles and tears were mixed
Nostalgic moments we shared
But happiness had no bar
As you indeed found the prince.

The best wedding I ever saw
And lived every moments in it
Heart was happy as you went
And tears didn’t really stop.

Little angel color your world
And I smell happiness around
Glad is me for the friendship
That stayed even post changes.

I met someone on the same day
Year later, I wish I shouldn’t
And I cried to wipe  memories
This year renewal, I pray to.

I was harsh to being loved
Life left me no choices now
Selfish I was to be seek sanity
I cry for forgiveness from you.

Hated me some, loved some
Winter was indeed coming
To bring some peace back
I pray happiness for forever.

First winters they were to me
When I fell in complete love
With this one beautiful season
As the cold breeze came along.

Cold often made me wary
November was no less still
I was bitter and scorned
Pulling my brain into dark.

Demolishing the own spirit
To love and live completely
Regretting decision I made
Regressing in past nostalgia.

An Angel I bombarded always
With my digressing live stories
Patiently he contained anger
For the care he forever felt.

One night stress of the bond
Overcame both of us together
And made me aware, he again
Stopping happiness I was .

Hated him I did in the anger
Wanting to have a cold war
Then the cooled me realized
The truth in the words said.

Taking break from life I lived
Time made me  analyze myself
Removing  all the hatreds I had
Bitter and negatives I erased all.

Transformation I was taking
As the last month arrived now
Smiling more, Loving what I did
Firmly I set eyes to goals of joys.

I thank you O my dearest friend
You are the rare blessing I got
From the misery of this ‘bad’year
I resolved to love myself again .

Resolving to smile all  the times
Feeling the beauty around me
I aim to spread happiness always
As live I to reach laurels pretty.

P.S. : This also happen to be my 100th post.  I dedicate this to the friend who made me a better human by his scoldings, advises and words inspite of all his busy life. You heard all my boring talks and was there for me always and ever. I am sorry from the heart for whenever I hurt you. You are the greatest friend anyone can have and I wish this friendship remains forever. I am sure the wordings would have made you know who YOU are. I love you, my guardian angel 🙂

Written as part of The Month of the Year Challenge-Season 2.

Also Prompted @3WW, OSI and Sunday Scribblings

Wedding Angst!


Eyes gazed down in a quest,
The laden hands greeted me,
I dreamed of the moment,
Moment of eternal graze.

As my first steps entered,
I felt a quiver of anxiety,
The fright of the pre ultimate,
made the hungry stomach numb.

As the petala came crashing down,
The crowd full of brazen looks,
Walking forward abruptly, slowly.
Just to nuzzle us, catch just a glimpse.

A pearly tear was about to fall,
I was feeling a fret,
When a hand caught me,
Making me look up with a lump.

With it fled all my fears,
There was an eternal promise,
In those eyes I saw forever.

Forever bliss was showered,
In the glint of a smile,
Promising me of a life,
To live like a ‘Bride’ forever.

Also Prompted@3WW