February Learnings

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February. The month of love. The month of newness. The month of hard work. This was one defining month in my life this year. It was a month of learnings. A month of strong bonds. Month of strengths. And a month where I found my calling. A month where I realised that the profession I somehow chose was somehow something I loved doing and in a way made me passionate.

February brought me anxious pangs and trying to cope up with life moments too but I had no complaints. For it made me an ever more ambitious person who knew it’s possible to live your dreams.  It taught me that it was worth sticking to your resolves for in the end it’s your life. February brought me my first job finally after a long wait. Though it was temporary, I was in a field I always wanted to be in. Lot of people called me stupid past year or so for not doing anything that comes my way but thanks to supportive parents I never lost it. And it was worth it. For if I had chosen a more hectic job and different field I would have not have been this happy and satisfied. I might not have not stuck in that workplace for long but it was all worth it.

February also made me closer to certain people in my life who made sure I sailed through that first stressful month of work smilingly. I will cherish that person for that always. February was also about friday socialising. It was about comic cons and birthdays. It was surprise plans and lot of HKV visits. It was about lot of love and hugs.

February was also about lovely students. My first batch of students who made me love my profession. They were the ones who made my day even when I had bad woken up moods. They were one special batch. February was about plain hard work 24X7 to be the best. It was about proving to all that I am the perfectionist and hard worker no one sees. It was about learning to teach older students and learning the art. It was making my profession into my passion.

February was about lot of things. But in the end it was about finding the much needed peace and happiness for my soul which comes from taking first steps towards satisfying future.

Love sprinkled around
In the mist of mornings
In anxious early travels
In new beginnings I saw.

New phase, new moments
In taking baby steps
In turning victorious
Every second moment.

New pressure, new plans
In working the hardest
In giving the best I knew
In learning art of survival.

New bonds, new loves
In the evening outings
In warmest of embraces
In the hand that held.

New smiles, new laughs
In the weekend coffees 
In the impromptu visits
In the memories of a life.

New surprises, new happiness
In the secret expeditions 
In the circle of friends
In moments to cherish forever.

New passion, new satisfaction
In the confidence found alone
In the passion of loving it all
In the yearning to be the best.

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Written as Part of the Month of the Year Writing Prompt 2014-Season4

Love

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Hello everyone,

Life have been just very hectic and I had to let go off #OctPoWriMo in the last days. But its unfair I couldn’t complete it so I thought even if late let me just finish it today for it was something I took to challenge myself :).

So here to the last three days 🙂

Day 29

Love that was mad, I say
Consuming all that was me
Blissfully unaware of all
I lived in it madly each day.

Taught what nothing else could
Breathed in it, what others wanted
Heaven was his embrace, all together
Left me in shackles, to strengthen.

Seeking that love, in infatuations today
Gratitude I carry, for it did happen
Prayers for little bit more of it today
Even if less, but consuming I want still.

Day 30

On the day before, he decided to leave
I knew this was it, even if he didn’t
Taken aback was I, by lot of what he said
Shaken, yet I stood still, that moment.

Last night I call it, for what was  ‘us’
For what remained was, you and I later,
Yearnings and hurts sparkled in tears
A long darkness I saw later, but I lived.

Never forgotten,what the day before was,
Decisions I stuck to, for long even afters,
Today I feel the peace within, with bruises,
For today, my heart still knows, pure love.

Day 31

Writing whatever the heart felt,
In verses, in brief, in elongated terms,
I smile at the poetry, the month gave to me,
Almost missed the challenge, yet I wrote.

Scarcity of time, loads of work that brain had
Yet, peace was found, when I sat to write
A journey, to find, what I was loosing within,
Words, that were my love, were found somehow.

Experience, of joys, and pains, but still worthwhile
All penned, and shared, flowing out in the world,
Feeling, I didn’t know, were waving out to me
And today I smile, for somehow I lived to my promise.

Written as part of OctPoWriMo Writing Prompt Day 29: For All the Loves You’ve Loved Before , Day 30: The Day Before…Day 31: Poetry Writing Challenges

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P.S. : This is for Morgan Dragonwillow  for she pushed me to take up this challenge inspite of a busy schedule. Though I left in last few days, I am completing it still for myself 🙂

Magic

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Magic is in moments, it is in sparkles
It is that fascinating shine, that works
It is the hope, it is my only believe
Magic is that, which forever rules.

Captivates, when one rises early in serenity
Magnetic field resides in all its working
In the mist of the morning, or scent of sea
In the dew drops, and the illusionary star.

I call magic one’s breath, Sometimes call it love
In his irresistible charm, in my lurking blush
In the enchanting beauty, in the sweeping works
I call it all magic, that makes one smile.

Magical moments I stick to the memory, for smiles
Day light, or dim lights, they happening is the key
Some dance, some music, or maybe some plain talks
Some times, the first meet, sometimes the infinite.

People are the magic I know, some old, some new,
Some old that are strangers, some new that are love,
Some laughters, some hurt, some embrace, some parting,
Some ex flames, some new entrants, all is magical.

Some walk on the destiny road, alone or with someone
Some smiles, some peace, some loneliness, some company
Some seeking, some holding, A shoulder, A want
Entwined fingers, secure hands, magical embraces.

Love or companionship, hate or indifference
Magic resides in the song, or the rhythms
It resides in the heart, that finds its way
Unknown definition, but I call it life.

Written as part of OctPoWriMo Writing Prompt Day 25:Magic and Possibilities

Rains

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Cloudy skies, thunderous warmth,
Grass await, downpours now,
Drizzles aloud, dampens earth,
Beauty in the air, as cold descends.

A smile on the face, brings autumn,
Mist awaited, rainbow formed,
Green milieu, happy melancholy,
Dance with each drop, of harvest.

Lipstick stains, dewdrop on panes,
Memories abound, of embraced hands,
Of new starts, and sunshine within,
Hopes sought, past dropped.

Drives, coffees and laughters,
Tales new, be written,
Hurt accepted, but risks taken,
Rains or not, drenched in love.

Wet sands, cold mornings,
Renewed passions, new strikes,
Hopeful skies, deep sighs,
Mystic prayers, of good winters.

Written as part of OctPoWriMo Writing Prompt Day 19:Raindrops on my windowpane

The Thing Called Love

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One of those not ‘feeling good’ day I am having and I thought maybe writing will help me little bits. What is bothering me no one knows and maybe even I don’t but whatever it must be I hope it dies soon. Just the kind of day I want to cry or maybe even howl but I cannot. Kind of day where I want to snap out at everyone and without reason.

Somehow since I came back to blogging after a gap I forget all the rules of the game. I am no more particular of what I write. I hardly visit much blogs (of which I am sorry), hardly use my favorite prompt sites, and it doesn’t bother much if I am losing my readership base. Maybe this place has become my personal diary where I just have to take out and things make sense. One of the advantages of being semi anonymous I guess.

Now back to the problem. Life is little bit mess right but I know it will be fine once vacation ends and the same hectic schedule starts. But I become too much of an overthinker till then. And even worse when things go sane. Last month was in many mess, health wise mostly. Also, stopped being the nice one. Yet, I felt sane. And now when life is again better, I feel crap. Mended some old bonds and I am glad. Maybe I should not have. Caring brings the worse in me. But I need it. For my mental peace too. Also, after a brief moment, my muse disappointed me once again. And I let it die a silent death. Doesn’t mean he will never make a comeback. He will be around. Just. Maybe because I dreamed of his coldness last night that I am much more messed.

Someone, once destroyed me for love. And thereafter I only made mistakes. Hurt people, got hurt, became a cold persona. Stopped feeling. Became too selfish for anyone to know. Then muse came and I saw hope. He didn’t do anything new now. But I realised let’s not have a story. For I am poles apart from what I was. I just lost the ability to love and patience for it. I might want a companion, but according to my whims and fancies, and that is not how it works.

This doesn’t mean I stopped having fun. I share a smile, sometimes a coffee. I flirt around. I like being crushed upon. But that is it. Last time I went ahead and formed a relationship, I damaged him and never cared. I became so cold that I had no morose of it ending. This wasn’t me. But alas it is.

You must be thinking a believer like me saying all this. Yes, I believe. The mushy stuff I write makes me hope. Or maybe I love my dreams. It is these imaginations which make me happy after a bad day. Fairytales aren’t for me, but I still delve in them for they are my happy quotient. I still hope I be proved wrong. But life is beyond those words and hopes. Love is much beyond those kisses and embrace. It is also about tears, separations and hurtful words. It has ability to thrash us so hard that we never pick up our pieces. I am still picking mine. I do want a happy ending, but maybe without love. But living loveless is not how God made a person like me. He filled in too much feelings in me. He made for me poetry, to feel it in the misery. He made me to give it all, and yet be happy with it. One part of it died long ago. Then I discovered the other. I relish my tales, my mush, my movie kind of imaginations. But these are things that sell. Not kind that happen to us, writers. We end up alone at times. Dying with a book in one hand and ink spilled pages in another.

Too much pessimism happened right ? What to do. Sometimes smiles refuse to reach my lips. Forget eyes. In attempt to make other laugh, I lost mine maybe. Or maybe I got tired of doing things and giving all what others’ need. Maybe I do need a kind word once a while. Or be pampered with all love they have. Sometimes it is important to express, and sometimes its important to feel what others have for you. Sometimes all we want, is to hold hand with someone and just watch the sky at night. But even that is scary now. For then we expect and then it pains.

Once I never cared if it hurts, I was overflowing with love. Even if he berated me, I found an excuse for that and I was often true. For, he did fell in love. Just never knew how to show and was scared if he did it will hurt more. But he forgot, that is all I had to take away when he left. Maybe he was right, because inspite of showing less, I am a bundle of his memories. For he took my soul away, and one night told me, he felt that his soul left to enter mine. And that is still my most cherish memory. We were two souls, fighting a distance, having a silly lover’s conversation post midnight on the phone and a moment changed it all. I felt a white invisible angelic force embracing me and so he did. And thereafter, I called him the soul mate. But then, it is said, soul mates never meet, for they are not meant for mundane tasks. But I never want to settle for anything less than that. But irony is no two loves are same. I might love again but not similarly. And I still hope, I still search, maybe I do have some ending. Some closure. He does the same. Even now. We still communicate in distress. But know our realities.

Some people say, we can have many soul mates. Some even call them best friends. I still wish I have not exhausted my quota. Maybe I should steal one from the heavens. But all I know is my quota for hurt is way overflowing and if I do feel once again and it goes dramatically wrong, I will be done with even hope. And that is one reason I have stopped feeling too, even if the other showers all the love. For I am wary of humans. I don’t want to be an object to be played upon anymore and I wouldn’t be. It will take too much patience for anyone to make me believe in their feelings. I just don’t hope. But if they can make me believe and crack my shield, I am sure they will be worth it. Only a messiah can heal. Only he can make me believe. And make it known that beautiful love is worth it. I hope he exists. Till then, I console my heart to be thankful that atleast he has known love.

I wish, I believe, I hope……love still exists….for me.

P.S. I have too much building inside and I didn’t even said half of it today. Maybe some other day. So be prepared for more such introspective rants when my mood goes disgruntled.

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