Rains and Goodbyes

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Rains always tell me a tale. Something sad and something beautiful about it. I used to be a rain person as a child and then as I grow up it always made me dizzy. Then I met someone who always loved rains. All drenched in his red t-shirt in the rainy season he used to tell me his rain escapades. And I used to go angry, for being callous and about falling ill. Often, the next time we met he was sneezing his lungs out and I had that squint look and he had that cute eye smile which always melt me. But such were rains.

Today again, standing on my balcony with a cup of refreshing tea, my earplugs played some beautiful music and rains just drizzled and a mist was in nature. It felt as if memories was calling on to me. Such moments always remind me of his calls and how after repeated calls I used to get a call back to be told that he was driving in thunderous rains and then as I was to go with my anger some music at his end used to just make me go quiet. And with a kiss he used to keep the phone. I remember how my evening walks are empty today, for only he filled the vacuum, for those were the time I conversed with him. It was the time I just lived. But then these was the time when distance gave us no choice, but then he has been with me for years.

Once, I had shared smiles, and long walks and conversations with him. Those tight hugs which never end were always shared. I think no one ever made me smile like he did. Also, no one has irritated me more. But in-spite of everything we had stuck. And then one day he left the city to go back home. What a goodbye it was. I could somehow never let him go and even he said so. He understood and yet, silence spoke.

Today, a friend was saying a goodbye to family and friends and my city was again raining. And all those things made me remember him. He was not the perfect guy, nor he was the prince charming. I would not say no one can love me more but then he was still the best. He was imperfect, he had bad mood swings, he made me cry and he was cold. But then, he was my best friend. He was someone who was bad and said it. He loved his mother the most and said it. He has been a casanova and there were girls who still pursue him and every-time they did he told me. He was complicated and accepted that no one could understand him more than I do and yet adjust. For he loved true. He never said more nor did he hide it all. He was just plain with his thoughts, someone who never lied to me. And that is why I never felt all the evil emotions we feel in relations. Off course, he made me jealous at times and so did I. Also, we knew we had no end and yet we lived the moment for it is what makes us what we are today. In the end, he loved me the most he could.  Even today he is happiest at my success even though its been ages ‘we’ ended. But then he was he. And it rained on the day we said our final goodbye too. For my soul cried and ever he did. Such are soul-mates.

Today, I was also thinking how I always do more for people then I ever get. I learned it from my mother. Give it all and you will be happiest. Even in school, college or university I always made the effort more. And people thought me unworthy to be best friends with. Off course, today I have few friends I am very very thankful for. Also, I made friends who came as angels helped me sail and just left. But, the void is left. For he made me expect nothing and give all and yet feel content. For he stayed in my soul. And always listened when I wanted him to. I was just myself with him and I wish I could have that me back. Past few years I just let people leave for I realize some efforts are never worth it and today I was thinking the same. For some people you don’t have to do much and they find a way back. And I am glad they exist. For others, I am not the first to be thought of. And I realized why should I just give it all.

I also fall. I am also tired. And then I just want to give up. Maybe someday, someone with some love and care will make me love the love. Till then, I watch the rains, and remember him…..

P.S. I am also a believer. I believe someone with much more love than me exists. Someone who will have a crackling chemistry with me to be a best friend for life.  And then maybe I will fall in love with the rain again with a kiss.

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