First Love


When I think of untold words
I couldn’t help but think of you
We have not really had our last word
Yet there is silence about certain talks. 

We weren’t meant to last, for it was fate
I knew it was all about love, yet I accepted
I never knew when I let all boundaries go
For I just want you near, even if unreal.

You know what was that defines us the most?
That was one thing that went astray in end?
That thing which tortured me deep till the end ?
For I desired that you said it at least once?

Trust and honesty kept us together in hard times
No conspiracy, no be-littering worked for we had ‘us’
We knew, all lies melt away, in the embrace
For we knew in the other eyes, only truth spoke.

Today, sometimes I just question our love
Today, I just quench within at your lies
Today, I wonder what is left for you to keep
Today, then I wonder what ties you if it wasn’t love.

The head often says all that was fun
It often says you found greener pastures
It says love was never known to you
And then I wonder what makes you seek still.

I still remember those days when we part ways
I remember your tears and your plead all way
When we met, I had lost all I had for you
Yet I know, life tossed for us since then.

Hard is how I define what was then lived
My lucky mascot was gone in a vaccum
You survived what even my words can’t say
And that makes me wonder maybe love was sane.

I know  you did hid those names 
Maybe you did to save yourself and hurt me less
But then when I think of being the buffoon
I wonder where did my love just go that wrong?

Reality is in front of my eyes, yet I never ask
You still seek the friendship and I am too hurt
We have moved on way beyond our pasts to talk
But then I do seek just one instant where I confront

I seek to question you for all the lies you said
I seek to ask why didn’t you ever trust me as much
I seek to ask you of whose love did you really faked
I seek to ask you just once, why did you spoil my first love?

Written for the OctPoWriMo writing prompt Day 16: Last Word 


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P.S. I wanted to write this piece in a very different way when I saw the prompt. But then the day took my energies and I just wrote it all down as I could forgetting all creativity, for I had to.

Letters of Forgiveness

Today, as the clocks ticks away to say goodbye to year that was called ‘2011’. I sit back to reflected on the years which were all so bitter for the past four years. Either it was the vaccum that some created by leaving, the quick wrong decision I took or started being too critical. Life was not really pleasant and this year the drama reached its climax where I broke down in tatters before I picked it up. Lost a few people I considered special, took tough decisions of my life, worked rather too hard, had the longest grilling to get pass some extensions , bitter battles among siblings and the happiness of seeing new borns. This year gave it all. And somehow I made a decision to flow away all that held me from breaking loose. I forgive people who hurt me, I say things to people I never could and I forgive myself.

I seek forgiveness from my followers if this post is rather too long but I had to give this gift to myself to make a new start to a beautiful 2012 🙂

Dear First Love,

I finally  take the task of forgiving you for whatever you did. You destroyed me for future love, awesome love and happiness. My life being a disaster post you left. And what was a worse disaster was the truth I discovered. The lies you said. The girl you married and yet everytime we talked you had a straight face as if you did no wrong. You showed as if you truly loved only me and just circumstances made us apart. The campus was right you can never find a girl who loves you as much I did. I stopped adjusting or compromising post you. I turned practical and yet cynical. I made the most stupid decisions post you as I didn’t know how to survive alone and I cried nights for I believed you were my soulmate. Today I forgive you for all you did for you got what you sow. You are stuck in job in short of your dream for the simple reason that you hurt a girl who prayed nights for your success. You might try to convince you are in for a divorce but I don’t believe you for I have so moved off from you. But yes you did give some beautiful memories , I treasure them forever and Today I flew leaves of your memories in the river of forgiveness to free myself from you. For I  believe my soulmate still awaits and have a forever union with me and you was just someone who made a little baby girl into a mature lady. Thanks for the learning you gave.

I forgive you and open myself to all happiness I prevented myself from till date.


Dear Psycho Lover,

I made a mistake when I entered into a dark well knowingly. We came from two different kind of upbringing, thinking and aims. We were poles apart when it comes to what we seek in life. I knew what kind of family you came from and yet I stuck to some stupidities. Honestly, it was never about status, money or anything that made me took the decision. It was the lack of educational and intellectual sense which made me took the decision. You never really intellectually stimulated me. And inspite of all the efforts you took, you failed. You took me as trophy to flaunt when you had me but did nothing to make yourself capable even in two years. I know I hurt you but possessive love is something which I can never stand. I made the biggest mistake to tell my family about someone not capable enough and I lived in a jail in my house for those 6 months. I hate myself for breaking my brother promise for a guy like you. And I hated myself for never telling you that I never really loved you. Because when you committed to me, I felt stupid of what you did. I feel you did it all as you wanted to flaunt me. And coincident bad incidences in your life make me feel like a fool. Only people I regret hurting is your mom and your sister. I don’t want you to spoil your life for I hurt you. But the fact is it would have not worked. We both would never have been happy.

I forgive you for all hate you have for me and I forgive myself for all I did for it was destined this way. I hope you forgive me someday and at peace too or maybe I am thinking too much and you have already move on.

Stay blessed,


Dear Ex best friend,

I loved you beyond words. I cared for you beyond words. You were the bestest thing that happened and yet this is what I got. Just because your guy got interested in me in a drunken state. He was a jerk who two timed you once and yet you believed he couldn’t do it. If I was interested I would have met him in your absences but I never did. I never maintained contacts and for years I kept my lips sealed. And what I got was my image tarnished in the whole damn world with your version. And you made a great friend of mine have bad image of you and fight over it. What was that immaturity? I never stalked you too. You did. You found about persons in my life. Hacked accounts. You did all wrong and yet called me names. And the weirdness of you still don’t end. My brother was right about you and regret not listening. You are not only jobless but aim to do nothing with life too and glad it ended for us or you are someone who can be noone’s true friend.

I forgive you for all hate you had and move on to awesome friends I now have

P.S. And start dating guys with spines.


Dear Sis-in Law,
I always dreamt of having a sister as my sis-in-law right from my childhood. I am someone who gets along with people rather easily and thought will do with you too. But then alas it was never true. Somehow we never got along with our point of views. Your worldview and mine differed a lot and you never understand my bhai’s protect and love for me and mine idealism for him. Jealously crept in you and started back biting about me to him and I hate that narrow approach you have. You still don’t want me to visit your home or maybe I see wrong. So for this new year I decide to not be biased with you and try and love you as we like it or not we are linked for life. I somehow thought of you pressing my marriage as way to cut my links with this house. But fact is that will never happen and my brother will forever love me like a child you have to accept it. You gave me my priced nephew whom I love a lot and I might hate you for not letting us visit him yet but I am giving you benefit of doubt once. I want to forgive you as long you keep both my bro and nephew happy. I can take care of my parents so don’t worry of that. Let me forgive you and have an unbiased view of you and I hope you end up as a nice person this time.

Dear Bhai,

I have grown up idealizing you so I hate it too when we have cold wars. I know you worry too much about my health, my career, my decisions, etc and fear my future. But I am not the immature 12 year old any longer. If I can handle dad with his panic ways and convince him of right and wrong than I must have gained some maturity. I wanted a good degree from abroad as much you did. I never went on wrong paths nor wasted years but you hurt me a lot by not taking my advices in the application process and wasting my years and thousands of money. If I had gone my way, my supervisor would have made me visit you for a year too. But then bygones are bygones. That guy was my mistake but I never wasted years in romances. I knew how to balance. You hurt me in application handling and not trusting me to take guidance and getting high score and I hurt you in some ways. You were responsible a lot of my self confidence going down too. But lets just forgive each other as at the end of day we know we love each other the most. And please please remove negativity off your life like I did. Dad and mom worries a lot about you because of that approach. Life is beautiful and not just about money. Get back your creative streak and fall in love with yourself. I want you happy like you want me. My dreams are different from yours so now trust me let me take my own path and believe me I will do you loads of proud.
I love you the most,


Dear Men who hurt me,

I am so sick of the jerks I end up meeting. I am glad you were never there for long and I hate how I trusted you to be my great friend. Yes, my first best friend in campus you were jerk too to never tell the truth about what happened and spread rumours. And yes you, the friend of my first love- you were an ass to say so many things and that’s the reason I never forgave you. And that college asshole who made me hate not slapping you. You destroyed lot of things in me. And that friend who fall and out of love in a week. I forgave you for the simple reason that you are still respect our friendship. And the asses of friends who had no love but other intentions I am no commodity for you, if I was interested I would have stayed friends.  And yes you my friend’s ex, you were the cheapest guy I ever met. You destroyed a friendship and had no guts to stand for truth. Lot of you made me believe I can never have people for long I get close to. Just don’t play with my emotions, be blant and I love it. Few of you who never trusted me with your secrets even after years of friendships have hurted me a lot too. I was something who would have changed your life had you trusted the love I had for you. Alas not. And today I give up on my addiction for you and choose to seek other areas where I might get what I desire and not just give. Its up to you to keep me still and you know how.I hope I no more meet your variety of guy and if I do I aim to not be attached to anyone anymore unless its someone who is destined in my life. I don’t want to have crush or fall in love with guys who can never stay firm on their liking. I am better alone and off your variety.

I finally forgive you all but we can never be friends.


Dear Mom and Dad,

I am no one to forgive you or something but I seek forgiveness for all times I hurt you. Mom, you are the world to me and your memory losses and health worry me to the hilt. I never make your esteem less I just want you to feel nice about yourself and get well soon so I say things I do. You have been the most uplifting, positive person I know. You always told me “Think positive” and I never listened and now I aim to do so. I hope the new year lifts all fights we had as you were worried of me going astray. Trust me I am on right path and will make you proud one day. I know I hid my relationships from you for they had no future but trust me when I do tell it will be the best guy for me.

Dad, please please stop the negative anxious life you live. You panic effects us a lot. Please love yourself and nothing else we want. We never got along and nor do our views. Your fear make me not like your anger in childhood and I hated your anti relative attitude. You should try understanding mom more rather than fighting with her . Age is old and she needs your support as much you do. Please remove your ego now. Its high time you do. People don’t love you or worship you as much you want due to this. You were such a talented person and could have reached zenith of fame but then you sought not much due to your laziness and took wrong decisions as well. But atleast don’t have ego of a president. Its not helping you. You are top in your area and have the best of contacts in this country and abroad but you ruining it due to the attitude you carry. I forgive you for whatever I hated you for once and seek you to love life you have with all of us.
I love you both and hope to make you both proud one day. Just stay beside me and believe in me and my dreams.


Dear Me,

You have made wrong decisions, life took things away due to bad luck, hard work failed and inspite of all the things you did you never succeeded. But it was never just your fault. You never trusted your ability and your talent and its high time you do. Stop getting attached to worthless people. Don’t run after love. Love your work and be content. Love your dreams and believe in them. Work the highest you can and yet enjoy life. Be selfish for a change and get an eye for the right people. In short forgive yourself for you couldn’t be and Aim to reach highest now on.

Be positive, Love yourself and Live life to each moment. And BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS. You are really the best


With this , I end my forgiveness for the past years and this year. This is my last post of 2011 and I look forward to a brighter, happier, loving and positive 2012.

Happy New Year to all my Readers.

Stay Happy. Stay Loved. Stay Blessed.