Some Flashes

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Some purple dreams, some pink wishes, some white wings and maybe some hue of red. I wish, I dream. Of a rainbow surround around. Of petrichor and rains. Of beaches and winds. Of snugly feel and wet feet. Of the sun that set behind the mountains and colored  the sky with his light. Of the darkness that awaits its departure and of the moon who tells stories we might never know.

I wish for more such dreams, drenched in love of the nature. I smile with the few pages that might have my name. I at times blush when Snow-White or Cinderella find their one. For I believe, maybe fairy tales might be real. Maybe miracles do happen and maybe we are puppets who might have a happy end.

I once believed more earnestly and burned in my own desires. I once had thorns that pricked hard and yet I ran far off to the mountains, across the seas and fighting the rains. I once never thought of what was moral. I once never thought of me . I once thought of only ‘us’.

Today all I find is vacuum and some blank pages. Ink refuses to spill and words fail to be coined and yet I smile. For I survived. For I loved. For passions still drive me. I might not browse the tales more, I might not read the sagas as much, I might watch romances unravel less, but I still believe. I believe whenever this heart misses a beat. For some person compliment my existence. I still believe when I share a smile or a bite. I still believe when I play games of infatuations. I still believe when in spite of wisdom and fleeting youth, I see him standing at the door with some flowers. Who is he ? My heart wonders. The eyes just see a blurred image. And he disappears. But then I feel warm as if someone left a hug. And I feel secure. For he is around. Even if not near.

I babble nonsense. I scribble half truths. I dream of the unreachable. I desire what is not mine. Yet I believe destiny isn’t cruel. And who knows if he reads this and smiles. And decades later, we will write an end to these mindless tales together.

Also Prompted @3WW and @Theme Thursday

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Mad Believers

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The winds want me to write today. Tell them tales of magic and love. Stories written beyond time. Love that is boundless and lovers that are forever. They want me to tell of reality, of fairy-tales that exist. They want to know of the prince that came on the horse and the mermaid who came out of the water. They want to know more. Of the castles and orchids. Of carriages that were our vehicle. And the knight who was the magician. They want to play with a sprinkle of hope and make it real.

Behind those black inked characters on the paper, lies the reality. Of some people, crazy but real. The ones who dream even if they convince themselves of the reality. People who like imaginations, and believe, maybe someday horses will fly. These people who are the heroes and heroines of many tales. They look beyond the sky and pray when the shooting star falls. They have a twinkle in the eyes when they talk of love. Of magic they saw in others. They talk of broken hearts and fallen dreams. They sing a song to their nightingale and dance behind closed doors as if practicing for that perfect song. Their house smells of old books and fresh cakes. They have wine for that perfect moment and they look insanely good even with flour on their nose.

These are the people who keep magic alive and humanity sane. For they dream in a world that is their own. They are the mad believers who desire just love. They are the ones worth writing for.

Also Prompted @Theme Thursday

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Destined Conversations

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Today I feel like telling a story. Of another he and a dreamy she. A story hidden in the pages of fiction. And maybe smiling in the embrace of reality. A story that still smells of love and filled with fragrance of truth. A story not of hurt but of hearts that were once in pain.  I could call him a cynic who stopped trusting down the road. She was a wary one too but was a believer and a strong one. Believer of fate and destiny, of nicety and love.  He was the kind hard to convince of real emotions. But then they met.

One fine rainy day, in a mystic but crowded cafe, their fates just crossed paths.

A boy had no option but to disturb a girl engrossed in a book. For the cafe was just too full.

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He:  Excuse me? Is there anyone else sitting with you.

Irritated at being disturbed, she peeked through the book to have a look at the voice.  A tall guy with beautiful green eyes caught her fancy, but then he was not that cute to be forgiven for interrupting her in midst of a beautiful novel.

She: No. But that shouldn’t concern you.

He noticed that smirk and that irritation and also those deep brown eyes behind the black frame of spectacles. Some innocence she had which he couldn’t avoid.

He: Well, the cafe is too full to sit. So if only I can sit till some table gets free?

With a caustic look she replied.

She: Umm. Okay.
He: Thanks.

She was again lost in her book. But then she left a mark which he wanted to explore. Something which even the arrogant he wanted to ascertain. Because her being caustic was just so fake. She produced some naive innocence with her presence.

He then tries to strike a conversation with his deep voice.

He(clears throat): Elif Shafak writes brilliantly.
She (surprised): You read ?

He (with a smile): I write too.

There was something in her mind which always said that men who look good can not be the brainy ones.

She: Interesting.
He: You seem surprised?

She: No.  Just.
He: You judge easily.

She: Eh? You don’t even know me. Also, by saying that, who is being judgmental?
He: Relax.  Don’t be defensive. Was just an observation.

She: I am not. Just. Whatever.
He: Oops. Seems I annoyed much. Sorry for that.

She( relaxing much): Its okay. So what all you write?
He: Mostly fictions. At the moment working on a science fiction.

She: You mean you do it for a living? ( A much more surprised look)
He( with some more smile) : Not really. Am an engineer by education but this is something I want to do.

She: Wow. Lucky you. Getting a chance to pursue what you want to. Most don’t.
He: We all can, if we want it that bad.

She: Maybe. Maybe we all don’t try that bad. Sigh.
She(thoughtfully): I am more into poetry though. Reading Shafak is like reading poetry in motion and that is why I love her.

He: True. So you write too?
She:Yes. Kind of. I have even studied literature once for a degree. But then. Life moves on.

He: Now I am envious. Getting to study literature is like luck.
She: Haha. I guess we get some, we lose some. I get to study literature and you get to write it.

He: Yes, maybe.

Suddenly the waiter comes in with a cup of coffee.

Waiter : Sir your order.
He: O Thanks.

He: So a poetess I meet. You must be quite a believer.
She: And you quite logical.

He: O yes. I am a cynic. Have to be in a world like this.
She: What is wrong with the world? You get air to breath, food to eat, water to drink. And for the rest, blame the humans.

He couldn’t help but smile at the simplicity of this girl. Someone who might have seen it all and seemed hurt and yet had so much beauty and love within.

As he dreamed looking at her, she waved her hand in front of those eyes.

She: Hello?  What happened?
He( waking up): Nothing. Was wondering how nicety still exists.

She: Well it does, for you are one too, right?
He (looking deep into her eyes): Am I?

She just couldn’t help get lost into those eyes that enticed her.

He didn’t know what he was doing but just wanted to freeze that moment.

It was there that two souls found some spark that they missed in their lives for ages.  They didn’t knew what will happen next, but they didn’t wanted to know.

She finally said smilingly.

She (blushingly): Yes
He( blushing ): I am glad.

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And so amidst some books and laughter, coffee and conversations, poetry and believes, another story was being written.

P.S. : Just out of blue someone reminded me of he-she fictions. Though, the poetry challenge is keeping me busy this month I felt maybe I can attempt writing one after long and since it turned just fine, thought will post. If some of you do read it, I would like to hear some feedback as it encourages me and since I like this piece even though mushy, I would love your comments on it 🙂

Best Friends

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Today I just had to spill it out. If not the ink, then the blood of emotions.  Everything on this page today, will smell of only you.  I don’t even want to sound lyrical, for it doesn’t matter what anyone read of it.  After three sleepless nights, three days of innumerable missed calls, three days of silence and three days of hurts, my heart finally gives up. I know I have often done it this year. Even spoiled my birthday somehow, for it hurts. People and their opinions rarely matter to me. But your opinions do. Always did. Even after two years of being extremely close friends ( many more years of being friends) , it really does.

I still remember that long mail when the disturbed me was pacified by you. You wanted to talk. But sharing numbers wasn’t my thing ever. And then time just went. I know you have managed my typo from the touch screen phone the most.  And I think you revived in me the ability of writing mails and mails. Long ones infact. And how I used to go and on whole day with my issues. And all that I needed was a call from you. And sigh. I think I have told you enough, but let me rephrase, the first time I talked to you, I fell in love with that voice. That accented, deep voice, O man. I can never get over that feeling. I am glad that very day you said, I choose who comes in my life and never let them go.  And then the friends forever promise. I often keep it but it was the first time someone wants to keep it with me.

Offcourse, we have had our share of fights.  One of my male bestie just told me that I can’t imagine you fighting with anyone. I actually don’t, I just go silent. And it hurt us both. Also you have reprimanded me too much for my pessimism and negativity. But I think it is all good. Who could handle my suicidal texts with humour? You only I think. And I actually have often ended up laughing. Also, who could keep texting me on important days to make sure all goes well. I think only you know how to make me laugh on my worse phases and moods. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know you get tired of taking care. You also want to be take cared. I have often tired. But then you are just way too nice to disturb me. But maybe sometimes you can try no?

All that was years back. Our friendship have changed too. We are busy and we hardly get time. Now you are more relaxed with me as my worst phase is over. But then I do have my blues. Also, I complain for I just miss ‘us’ being the more free kinds.  A person who has pushed each and every friend in these few years, kept you close. I survived for you were around. Otherwise, breakdowns I had was too much to be even told. I trusted the belief you have in me.  I test you and myself off late. I know I over react too. But then I just want to steal a piece of you which everyone gets. And often you forget I might be understanding but then I am human too. Am I not? I love and I care and also need the friend. I know I am not your best friend but then I also know how you hate when I say I have no best friend. I love it when you do realize you are my closest.

I think apart from you, hardly any know my personal issues. You think I could ever let you go? I push you off. On my birthday week I even decided I am never ever talking to you. You are my addiction. But I just was too disturbed with the accusations. And your thoughts about my issues. I don’t care what is the reality and not. I don’t even care if I ever see you . But yet I care about you and that be all. And yet, I was forced to give up. All because of the love. I weakened. I chose to never talk of those things anymore. I learnt my lesson. Every time we have fought, I learnt something and never talked on that line. A little of me died but I learnt. Now you see the effect?

Seeking to hear your voice once a month isn’t too much? Is it? Who knows where I be next year. Who knows where life takes us all. Utilizing it till the time is at hand isn’t too much. Or is it? A girl who never listen to anyone, does to you. Apart from 1-2 mistakes, you are always first one to know. When I submitted last july. I wanted to just call you. I might just do it post viva. And yet? I never intend to insult you. Never did. I have been as messed up last three days as you could ever imagine. It wasn’t about me. But me doing such things. I just want you to know that you are way too precious, just like how you considered me special.

You are one of those unnamed relationships which are like forever. I love you abound. You are my bestest friend. I want to share everything. Even when I mess my love stories. I want you to hold my hand and take me to the wedding hall someday. I want you to be the god father to my baby girl some day. And yet nothing will change. I will still throw kisses on you. Flirt in our cute harmless ways. And yet love our respective partners the most. You are the hottest and sexiest man I know. You got the moves. And I am glad I know you.  You are just everything in one. A  best friend when in tears, A lover when I am messed,  A mentor when indecisive, An ideal who makes it all easy. I know how much you try to settle things for me. No one will ever do. I just don’t allow. I might one day and that day you might be you even with me. I know it will come. I just respect you way too much.

Till that time, I just want to say ‘Don’t give up on me’. I am way too impossible. I might want you to know, times ahead are harder for me. Let me cry, and then even wipe those tears. Let us rekindle our friendship every other day. Come what may, just stay aside, even if geographical distances and time zones come between us some day. I want to get old and be the same with you. Even when our kids will go off and I am that crippled oldie, I want to call you and just smile. For in old age, all that matter is good friends.  I also want to make you proud of me one day. Have a place in the universe, where you go and say, hey that is my friend.

Space I need at times. But then don’t doubt my emotions? My actions are never deliberate. They are possessiveness at times. Jealousy at others. But then even you have them. Don’t lie that you don’t. I become helpless at times, I trample and fall. For this world is a mess and my fate even more at times. But when you be vigilant and make sure I get up, it is easier. It really is. People have warned me of attachments. Of trusting. And even keeping  close. But then, others also say you care. And that is all that matter right? You know way too much for me to now go back. I might know nothing. But trust me maybe. Someday?

I think that is all I guess. So how do we conclude? I love you beyond words, sweetheart. And my treats and coffee are pending and I will not leave without having then. Even if  it takes me decades to take it. Also, it is not easy to get rid of me. If you are stubborn about keeping some people close. Even I am. Even more if other person is the kindest and warmest human being. Someone who leaves me in awe at his sensitivity.

So forgive me, maybe? Not just this time but always?

You and me walking the opposite roads
Seeking a place in the universe
Filling hate with just purity
Of love, only we know, and cherish.

Undefined I keep ‘us’, and closed
In the palm of my hands and heart
I desire nothing, and give it all
All I want is your gift of friendship.

My creativity falls short when it’s you
You are not the muse, yet beyond
You are not just special, but beyond
Let us keep it simple, and call it heart beats.

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P.S. : I am glad you called as I was about to publish this post. I know you don’t want it published but still read no? And tell me if you hate it. Thank you for the smiles. Also, yes we can be back to being normal.  I never realized I went overboard. I am really sorry. Never again. But I will be messed more at times, just understand no? Also, I will never be bored of you. Even you don’t be no, please? :*

Also prompted @ 3WW, OSI, Inspiration Monday, Poets United, The Sunday WhirlCarry on Tuesday, Trifecta, Theme Thursday, and Sunday Scribblings

The Promised Coffee

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Present 

A promise was all that it seemed.  For it was with someone non existent in the present. Yet, it was all that was hers. Rekindled memories appeared with the thought of keeping the promise. It was like a long forgotten kiss felt on the sour lips. The fresh smoke out of the bag hidden somewhere in the past, was inciting her. Somehow it was the date that didn’t let her sleep. It was her favorite month, once again. A fool’s delight was the date tonight. Yet, something told her that he might not take it a miss. What if he skips the deal and later pronounces with those shameless words, ‘O darling. That was a April Fool’s joke’. But she is known to keep her word. And he never did. So she took the chance, for a promised word, they made a decade back.

Ten years back 

A phone call it was all.  Somehow she initiated the conversation by a simple forwarded text she sent him.  But, then somehow they wanted a talk. It has been years since life happened.

*EXCLUSIVE* Selena Gomez Has A Big Smile on Her Face

He: Hello.
She: Hi. I wasn’t expecting a phone call.

He: And I was thinking of some coffee.
She: Eh? Sorry?

He: The apology for not meeting and remember I have to return that book.
She: And those change too.

He: O ya *Chuckles*
She: Since when did you start needing excuses?

He: Since you stopped meeting.
*Silence*

She: Anyways, so what is new?
He: Will tell you when we meet.

She: Eh? I thought that was a joke.
He: Nope. O comeon just a coffee. Tomorrow?

She: O Ya Ya. Let us make a deal. Coffee on you. Years on me.
He: Eh?

She: 10 years later. Same date. Same city. Coffee. You and me.
He: Hmmm. And I will still be nothing.

She: My career hasn’t even started. Deal?
He: Deal. 1st April 2013. We meet again.

She: You never asked where and what time?
He: Our place. I am sure it will still exist. And for breakfast?

She: Promise. And then we will talk.
He: But tomorrow?

She: I am just not yet ready.
*Silence*

She: Talk to you later. See you.
He: See you.

It has been five years since she saw him last. Yet, she wasn’t ready. Will life be any different ten years later. She wondered.

Present

Basking in the glory of the present, she realized how he still manages to make her feel miserable. How she was still a vacuum unknown. Everything used to be magical in his presence. Then, she reveled in grief and pain too long.  She never really raised a finger over the wrongs once. And today, something was not really right even in the perfect surrounding. . Maybe, it was waiting for the closure she will be giving herself tonight. She should have done that decade back. But then she wouldn’t not have given herself that seal then. Now she can. After all, tomorrow is another day.

As the sun was out in its glory, she found herself in front of the mirror, trying to look the best. After all, sometimes impressions are all that are yours. So, here she was ready before time and on the way to the place. They called it their place. Sigh. She thought how the memories still pass through you after all these years. Five years of togetherness. Fifteen years apart. Yet, a string strung.

She finally was standing at the edge of that buzzing coffee shop. She still could find a imprint of them stuck to their old corner.

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Feeling the fresh corners of the seat that held them once, she found a comfortable posture to settle down. She was in an anxious mood as to if she did the right thing by being here. What if he didn’t remember. Or what if he choose to forget the promise. Her convoluted mind and confused thoughts were interrupted by a familiar scent and a familiar face. Just some grey hair and a wrinkled lines on a bespectacled face were the new addition. Otherwise, he was still the heart stealer .

He: So you did stop by?
She: Even you did.

He: This city is still my second home. You have gone places.
She: This city will always be my first home. Anyways, how you been?

He: Good. Just a bit old maybe.
She: Still fishing for compliments. Are you?

He: Not at all. Infact, you deserve too many.
She: * chuckles* I am too old for that.

He: Life begins at forty darling. And I must say you have taken quite a good care of your body.
She: So you saying I have finally achieved the perfect figure which I never had back in college. Right?

He:  Transformation from an angel to a diva I say.
She: Stop buttering. We are no longer in college

He: O college. Makes me feel like how long it been. Even the university days were over long back.
She: Fifteen years since we last saw each other.

He: You remember?
She: I do. Though it wasn’t such a great memory.

He: Sigh. I know.
She: So spectacles make you quite serious

He: Now we look bit similar.
She: Hahaha and professional.

He: You do. I am still stuck in the same old routine
She: Sympathy gainer you still are.

He: Not with everyone
She: Ya Ya. So, how is Natasha?

He: * Stares*
She: I know her real name for too long.

He: Sometimes wrong facts are the only option we have.
She: Dishonesty is never right. Only if you were not the coward.

He: I wasn’t. Just the circumstances….
She: O ya. Circumstances make you cheat. Fall in love. Anyways, any kids?

He: Not yet. Actually I am planning to go abroad for a degree.
She: Doctorate isn’t your game darling. And still confused about your life? High time you take control of it.

He: Haha. You still know me quite a bit. I see, You did very well with that part. A writer. You always wrote well.
She: I hardly wrote back then. But then found my calling in it ultimately.

He: Marriage?
She: Who has the time?

He: Don’t do that?
She: Everything isn’t about you, love.

He: You really loved me no? Wish I…
She: Courage is the word. But don’t. For then I would have turned a drop in the ocean. Pain teaches us life. And you never had that around you.

He: You also had the destiny to be so.
She: Yes. Even you did. Just you never saw

He: That is so not…..

Before he could complete the sentence. A horde of fans were surrounding her like devotees. She had no option but to make a move, she finally said:-

” You only wanted artificiality  I only wanted you. But my path was right and yours was wrong. You are still mine in those memories. Fame was bestowed, for I had love. And you have an empty hand. Next time wish with a clean heart “

Tears rolled. He loved, but with conditions. And he finally realized it.. She ultimately found the closure. As she let him go completely.

Love grew in the innocent hearts
Memories were all it left then
They still curse it for the pain
Yet relish it for the desire abound.

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Also Prompted @ 3WW, Inspiration Monday, Sunday Scribblings, NaPoWriMo, Theme Thursday, Carry on Tuesday and A-Z Blogging Challenge ( K for Kiss and L for Love)