Best Friends

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Today I just had to spill it out. If not the ink, then the blood of emotions.  Everything on this page today, will smell of only you.  I don’t even want to sound lyrical, for it doesn’t matter what anyone read of it.  After three sleepless nights, three days of innumerable missed calls, three days of silence and three days of hurts, my heart finally gives up. I know I have often done it this year. Even spoiled my birthday somehow, for it hurts. People and their opinions rarely matter to me. But your opinions do. Always did. Even after two years of being extremely close friends ( many more years of being friends) , it really does.

I still remember that long mail when the disturbed me was pacified by you. You wanted to talk. But sharing numbers wasn’t my thing ever. And then time just went. I know you have managed my typo from the touch screen phone the most.  And I think you revived in me the ability of writing mails and mails. Long ones infact. And how I used to go and on whole day with my issues. And all that I needed was a call from you. And sigh. I think I have told you enough, but let me rephrase, the first time I talked to you, I fell in love with that voice. That accented, deep voice, O man. I can never get over that feeling. I am glad that very day you said, I choose who comes in my life and never let them go.  And then the friends forever promise. I often keep it but it was the first time someone wants to keep it with me.

Offcourse, we have had our share of fights.  One of my male bestie just told me that I can’t imagine you fighting with anyone. I actually don’t, I just go silent. And it hurt us both. Also you have reprimanded me too much for my pessimism and negativity. But I think it is all good. Who could handle my suicidal texts with humour? You only I think. And I actually have often ended up laughing. Also, who could keep texting me on important days to make sure all goes well. I think only you know how to make me laugh on my worse phases and moods. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know you get tired of taking care. You also want to be take cared. I have often tired. But then you are just way too nice to disturb me. But maybe sometimes you can try no?

All that was years back. Our friendship have changed too. We are busy and we hardly get time. Now you are more relaxed with me as my worst phase is over. But then I do have my blues. Also, I complain for I just miss ‘us’ being the more free kinds.  A person who has pushed each and every friend in these few years, kept you close. I survived for you were around. Otherwise, breakdowns I had was too much to be even told. I trusted the belief you have in me.  I test you and myself off late. I know I over react too. But then I just want to steal a piece of you which everyone gets. And often you forget I might be understanding but then I am human too. Am I not? I love and I care and also need the friend. I know I am not your best friend but then I also know how you hate when I say I have no best friend. I love it when you do realize you are my closest.

I think apart from you, hardly any know my personal issues. You think I could ever let you go? I push you off. On my birthday week I even decided I am never ever talking to you. You are my addiction. But I just was too disturbed with the accusations. And your thoughts about my issues. I don’t care what is the reality and not. I don’t even care if I ever see you . But yet I care about you and that be all. And yet, I was forced to give up. All because of the love. I weakened. I chose to never talk of those things anymore. I learnt my lesson. Every time we have fought, I learnt something and never talked on that line. A little of me died but I learnt. Now you see the effect?

Seeking to hear your voice once a month isn’t too much? Is it? Who knows where I be next year. Who knows where life takes us all. Utilizing it till the time is at hand isn’t too much. Or is it? A girl who never listen to anyone, does to you. Apart from 1-2 mistakes, you are always first one to know. When I submitted last july. I wanted to just call you. I might just do it post viva. And yet? I never intend to insult you. Never did. I have been as messed up last three days as you could ever imagine. It wasn’t about me. But me doing such things. I just want you to know that you are way too precious, just like how you considered me special.

You are one of those unnamed relationships which are like forever. I love you abound. You are my bestest friend. I want to share everything. Even when I mess my love stories. I want you to hold my hand and take me to the wedding hall someday. I want you to be the god father to my baby girl some day. And yet nothing will change. I will still throw kisses on you. Flirt in our cute harmless ways. And yet love our respective partners the most. You are the hottest and sexiest man I know. You got the moves. And I am glad I know you.  You are just everything in one. A  best friend when in tears, A lover when I am messed,  A mentor when indecisive, An ideal who makes it all easy. I know how much you try to settle things for me. No one will ever do. I just don’t allow. I might one day and that day you might be you even with me. I know it will come. I just respect you way too much.

Till that time, I just want to say ‘Don’t give up on me’. I am way too impossible. I might want you to know, times ahead are harder for me. Let me cry, and then even wipe those tears. Let us rekindle our friendship every other day. Come what may, just stay aside, even if geographical distances and time zones come between us some day. I want to get old and be the same with you. Even when our kids will go off and I am that crippled oldie, I want to call you and just smile. For in old age, all that matter is good friends.  I also want to make you proud of me one day. Have a place in the universe, where you go and say, hey that is my friend.

Space I need at times. But then don’t doubt my emotions? My actions are never deliberate. They are possessiveness at times. Jealousy at others. But then even you have them. Don’t lie that you don’t. I become helpless at times, I trample and fall. For this world is a mess and my fate even more at times. But when you be vigilant and make sure I get up, it is easier. It really is. People have warned me of attachments. Of trusting. And even keeping  close. But then, others also say you care. And that is all that matter right? You know way too much for me to now go back. I might know nothing. But trust me maybe. Someday?

I think that is all I guess. So how do we conclude? I love you beyond words, sweetheart. And my treats and coffee are pending and I will not leave without having then. Even if  it takes me decades to take it. Also, it is not easy to get rid of me. If you are stubborn about keeping some people close. Even I am. Even more if other person is the kindest and warmest human being. Someone who leaves me in awe at his sensitivity.

So forgive me, maybe? Not just this time but always?

You and me walking the opposite roads
Seeking a place in the universe
Filling hate with just purity
Of love, only we know, and cherish.

Undefined I keep ‘us’, and closed
In the palm of my hands and heart
I desire nothing, and give it all
All I want is your gift of friendship.

My creativity falls short when it’s you
You are not the muse, yet beyond
You are not just special, but beyond
Let us keep it simple, and call it heart beats.

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P.S. : I am glad you called as I was about to publish this post. I know you don’t want it published but still read no? And tell me if you hate it. Thank you for the smiles. Also, yes we can be back to being normal.  I never realized I went overboard. I am really sorry. Never again. But I will be messed more at times, just understand no? Also, I will never be bored of you. Even you don’t be no, please? :*

Also prompted @ 3WW, OSI, Inspiration Monday, Poets United, The Sunday WhirlCarry on Tuesday, Trifecta, Theme Thursday, and Sunday Scribblings

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18 thoughts on “Best Friends

  1. I Found this one nice, Especially cause I can relate to it.
    Everyone needs a Best friend, Someone who can hold you close when needed, someone who can speak sense to you when you yourself feel lost, someone to scold you and love you at the same time. Its a blessing to have a best friend like that around..
    I know cause I miss two of my best-est friends! And I dont ever want ya to go through the same..

    So whoever the kind lad is, I’d request him to forgive me dearest twin, for she doesnt make too many mistakes & If she has now, you’d know it the best, why she has.

    • 🙂 He knows why I did. He said I know it’s not about me but you. Why you doing this to yourself. I am worried. So 🙂
      For someone who doesn’t have friends anymore having a bit of him is a blessing too. Just to talk it out. He says don’t be silent. Speak, like old times. I would have no solutions. But do.

  2. And again i thought it was me writing this….

    Both of you hold on to each other. …such relations are precious…..

    I loved it. …..hope i can find my Muse too…I miss writing. …

    • See who is here. Yay 😀
      We will try to hold on always 🙂 I know the preciousness 🙂
      Just scribble something and before you know you can…I miss reading you 🙂

  3. I really felt your heartache at the thought of losing a best friend that you can pretty much talk to about anything without judgment and the ability to keep your secrets. I have a friend who I can talk to about just about anything and we both tell each other our secrets that we never tell anyone else. Granted we both usually forget the secret within a few minutes but that is the great thing about being able to tell our secrets because we know the other person will not tell anyone because you cannot tell what you cannot remember. Although we will usually remember the secret sometime later and maybe discuss it with each other or we just keep quiet and keep it to ourselves.

    I honestly hope you two work everything out since it seems as if there have been a few kinks in the relationship here and there. I do like how you enjoy the smiles and can make each other laugh. But mostly I hope you two continue to be able to help each other as only friends seem to be able to. It does not matter how physically close you two are living, it just matters that you two can communicate with each other when needed. You can live in the same house as someone and have it be as if you are living thousands of miles apart because there is no real communication between the two of you, while someone miles away who actually cares about what you say and communicates on a level of personal interest can be closer to you than those within inches of you. It seems as if you two have this and hopefully it will continue for as long as you two need it to.

    Thanks for sharing such a heartfelt and interesting story about friendship with us for this weeks Theme Thursday. May you have a wonderfully peaceful week and may you talk to him if possible and if you need to.

    God bless.

    • You said it all in these paragraphs 🙂
      So very true. Some friendships and relations are intact forever inspite of distances. They are just too special 🙂
      Well we fight in bits but then he hates my silence and somehow finds the way to have me back.. Inspite of hating his words at times I preserve this friendship. So at the moment it is fine…I hope it is one those timeless relations always 🙂

      God bless 🙂

  4. This is the best friendship post i have ever read in my life.I just loved it beyond words.At times i could see myself up in your words and you are right when you say you don’t want to let go.Some relations are so pure and lovable that no matter what you can’t just ever put an end to them.

  5. Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before but after browsing through some of the post I realized it’s new to me.

    Anyways, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be book-marking and
    checking back frequently!

  6. This is the most heartwarming true post by you…I mean its so raw. You actually opened your heart and put it outside to read…
    I can relate to every line you wrote everything. ..and this post inspires me to write more 🙂
    Undefined I keep us…wow.
    Beautiful naby…every word is sheer awesomeness. ..

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