MARCH……The horrifying month, the one I dread forever was once again standing on my face. It was not as heartbreaking as it was last year, but then it was not really good in itself. So, if I think of it this year, not much memories stand. Yes, there were few eventful things to make me smile and some to make me pissed. First time in my few years of baking did a cake I baked exploded (literally). Imagine my pissed off mood. Now when I think of it, perhaps it showed me maybe the person for whose birthday I was taking the pain, could never value me so it did. That is why, inspite of the first step I took, my relationship with that person deteriorates every day and ironically that person will be tied unknowingly to my life always (sigh). Insecurity and competitive streaks often ruins things in life and sadly it did to us. Ironically, the same cake when made for my bro’s birthday next month was a super success. Maybe , some incidents show us some things. Cake for mom’s birthday was a super success too and some happy smiles .
Now to some good moments. The month started somehow positively, with the fit and disciplined self I made myself in the last month, but alas positivism isn’t always strong to survive till the end. If smile is all about writing to me, then this gift reached me in many ways. Small fictions, or small rhymes became an everyday exercise in this month thanks to a community and rejoiced in writing by prompt inspirations. Small moments they were, but smiles and growth was extreme. Hopefully I could go back to that exercise again soon.
Rest, certain deadline was nearing, so was the stress. So, this month was lots about reading, books, writing and keeping up to achieve that one last step to become something. So, basically, this month went sanely, compared to the disturbing, panicked months ahead. But, the faith of people around made me survive somehow.
Disturbing times, abnormal haste,
Hope dangled around in dark pitches
Lavish was the knowledge seen
Expression lacked, I wondered how.
Insecure people, symbols of fate
Tears rolled, at hurt they passed
Life at standstill, yet moving
Faith in the light, I kept still.
Words moved in circles around
I catch their thread once again
As if to heal me, they stayed.
I was on a path of self discovery.
Hard-work and failure, together I see.
Trying not to cry, I push aside myself
For I had to succeed once, for them
To prove, I am worth what no one perceive.
Letting go, all the hurt, focus returns
To the scribbling within the brain
Work to survive , with the best results,
I resolve to do it, with all my falls.
Life hurts, I fall umpteenth
Yet, the last test I give
Where the naivety tries the best
Before the wordiness pollutes.
Written as Part of the Lady Nimue’s Month of the Year Challenge-Season 3