Insane Thoughts

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My mind is locked somewhere. In the lull of sluggishness. I desperately seek to find a way out of this maze. And yet all I see is blackness. A void it might be somewhere. But it is not. Words have been my refuge for quite a while. But now they aren’t as poetic as I thought them to be. It isn’t like words left me. They find me in corners of work. They find me behind those crumbled notes. They find me in the smiles of my pupils. They even find me hidden behind ideas I pen for the world. But then they don’t help be my recluse. In rhymes and fictions. In being my catharsis. It is as if some dust settled on top of my creative cerebrum. I shout, I find. But I am way too mechanical to shake them up. I miss that part of me. That part which relish a rainy night amidst some romance of the words. That part of me that couldn’t sleep without making love to those books which were sprinkled with dreams. I have made quite much of a sense with my life. And in between lost quite bit of love I showered to my heart through my insane pieces. Maybe. Maybe not.

Insanity often defines me. And is insanity really that bad? If I wasn’t insane, I wouldn’t be that passionate about my life. I wouldn’t be doing what I do then. I would have been struggling to survive if I wasn’t in love with my mundane tasks. Now I am at peace and yet that is all to it. I live life a day at a time. I relish my daily dose of music and weekly dose of movies. I pamper myself to be lazy on slow days. I am doing what I should and slowly learning to grow. I share a drink or two with my laughters. I afford whatever I wanted to once. I splurge. I earn. I live fully. But then am I not forgetting some other major parts of me? Or has technology taken over us so much that we don’t let our brains have time for reading sonnets and writing poetry?

Whatever it be, it’s good that I am writing today. Might not be very much. But I am. And its not some professional paper with a deadline. It’s an unedited flow of words directly from the heart. And maybe the brain. We all should let ourselves be unedited sometimes. Even our pictures can be so at times. Rawness isn’t that bad. Its real. Its beautiful. Its you. And its me.

One should be sharing love in this insane world of yours. Even with strangers. For they can inspire music in us at times. They can be our muse at times. Or maybe a momental inspiration. And you, scared people, go tell your loved ones of your love. It will be worth it. Hell, tell that to your crush too. Who knows they might be struggling with the thought that they are unloved in this world. And that one word will be enough for them to live another day.

Be mad. Be crazy. Be insane. Be loving. Be you.

P.S. : I just realised this is my first post this year. Hope 2017 treating everyone good. Been  truly fantastic for me 🙂

Thank You

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As the year ends, I can say nothing but big thank you to it. There are many things I might not have got this year, but there were many many more that I did. This year restored my faith in magic, in faith, in belives, and most importantly in myself. I am guilty of ignoring this blog or any blog this year but that doesn’t mean I never wrote. I did write here and there but somehow never committed to writing regularly as life kept way too busy and I am so glad.

I entered 2016 with a very positive blend of mind and a belief in magic. I felt it was beautiful and that it will fulfill my dreams and it lived up to it. Somehow I feel I attracted all that to me with my faith and that makes me believe much more in magic than I ever did. As the year went by, each month became better and better. I had one aim to fulfill this year and I tied it in a ribbon of goals when I stepped into it. And destiny decided I get it with all the grandeur. This year was all about stability. About dream positions. About ambition. About financial security. It was about proving my mettle. About the first step. And it all came true with so much beauty that it looked dream like. And I have so much gratitude for this and lot more.

I plan to enter 2017 with much more positivity and love and I can see it fulfilling all that was left incomplete this year. We can have one main focus and priority at one time and that is one reason the year that is going made me satisfied and happy in one realm.  For all other realms, there are other years. For I feel this year broke the spell of bad years and now all that is in store are good years and more magic and more love.

Before I say goodbye to this year, I want to sum it up in rhymes for myself, for you, for the world and tell them, life is indeed good, just believe so. For bad happens to enjoy the good. For hurt happens to feel the love. For enemies exist to recognise the friends. In the end, good determination, good work and goodness does win.

So keep the magic flowing 🙂

New year, new hope, new magic
Positivity, believes and faith
January sun brought out hidden
And I danced in magical rays again.

February often brings out our love
This time it brought some baby steps
After a silent month, light peeped
And I embraced it with more smiles.

March was the month of unexpectedness
As if destiny was finally working fast
Back to my old den I was with brightness
Relishing the friends who stood with me.

Birthday month gave me all that I sought
Some unexpected letters and some exams
I won in the eyes of myself the way I stood
Like magic, I saw, and won what was mine.

Beautiful May brought my bearings to me
The month etched in my destiny for long now
Dream position fell down in my lap this time
Like the apple that was awaiting the fall.

June is often the most harsh in weathers
But this time it was lot of smiling work
A vacation was taken after quite long
The most beautiful one it indeed was.

July brought some more works in my lap
And some more beautiful memories intact
Some excitement it brought along with it
With the sibling visit from across oceans.

August went off just like a whim of fancies
Tied up with the semester drains and pupils
Mixed with surprises wrapped in appreciations
And fun vibes along with some dream gifts.

Rosy september I call it for it gave dears
It was about busy days and bit of fun
It was about catching up and getting crazy
For after every sweat you need mad gangs.

October tagged along with it few special ones
A day splashed with conversations  with one
And few days of mad craziness with another 
Mixed with mad rush of deadlines I managed.

November is forever love since a while
It brings along my yearly quota of smiles 
Through perseverance I emerged taller
The one people trusted with crucial secrets.

O December you were very hectic this time 
Long days, meetings and learnings  I saw
New contacts, old retained, with lauding
Warnings,  missed  fun, but gratitude still.

So, this was my year in twelve paragraphs and it was all so good. I hated in bits the fact that I gained more weight but then I learned one important fact that if I hated that part of me and felt ashamed of it I will never learn loving me as a whole and that helped with the confidence and that is the first step in regaining one’s body back. Overall, 2016 was satifying and content year. I wish for a more fitter and love filled 2017 for thats the next thing I seek after what I got in 2016.

Here to a beautiful 2017 to all of you 🙂

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

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Struggles and Hope

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Words refuse to flow,and I struggle.
Struggle to survive in land, of magic,
I wonder if this was the end, of the story,
The one that made me smile, with love.

Then I wonder maybe times changed, a lot
From tears to smiles quite a journey, I saw
There isn’t something amiss as I see, across
But the emptiness still knocks on and off, here.

I smile, I fly, I whisper, I do it all, happily
Law of attraction, worked, say, my miracles
In my kitty came all that I waited, for years
Dreams fulfilment were the first step, to destiny.

Then I stir the heart within, seeking some more,
Love, was all I was living for, which is lost, maybe
Around in forms and shapes of blessings, it exist
But in forms I dreamed of always, they show, no light.

Friends, nicety, and lot of good I see around, but then
Life teaches me , selfishness I notice, wariness learnt
Maybe people aren’t that kind, but I am no fool, as well
Family is around, kind people are, and I smile with it all.

Then I desire a bit extra, a little bit more, of settlement
Some more laughs, some deep conversations, and quite much
I wonder, if all that, and much, are around, fulfillment
Or life has bit much more of struggles, for love, and peace.

I jump with excitement, over that name, over that laugh
Love, still makes me, and I desire, a hand, and an embrace
I seek, pure love, of the touch, of that newborn, by us
I believe, I smile, I chose that path again, of true hope.

Hope, excitement, dreams, and a lot more, still like words
And they flow, not just when the heart pains more, I see
So I coin more and more in my imaginations, to feel
As the passion strikes, words flows, and I smile, in bits, much.

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P.S. : I was thinking of putting thoughts to words but then poetry flowed. Thank you Dip for that encouragement. I badly needed to go back to words. I feel so good. I hope to write more now on. Criticism are very much welcome.

P.S.S. : Life has been way too kind. Hope it is so for all my readers too.

Regrets and Law of Attraction

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Do you guys have regrets? Or is life way too beautiful for us to get ourselves stuck with them? Do you feel we have what is known as temporary moments of regrets? If it was not so, how come we don’t regret those marks or the misses we once did? Or do we attract all the wrong decisions to us too which make us nearer and nearer to our real goal in this life?

Today, while on my evening walk these were the thoughts that were occupying my brain. I have been reading the book ‘The Secret’ off late and I was wondering how we attract even bad decisions and how we repel people we don’t want to stay longer? I think it might be due to law of attraction. If not, how do I not remember all that I regretted or hated once? How come my messes have no play in today’s life? I messed my boards and wanted to disappear and yet I don’t regret or even remember it now? I regretted leaving literature once but it was not in my hands. If I had pursued, life would have been different. But would it have been what it is today?  If I had pursued science I might never have fallen deeply for literature as I did  or even discovered I had the talent to write. I never did bad when it comes to studies after school maybe because I did what I had capability for and what if I had not? If I had pursued literature more, all novels would have turned work not love and passion. I might have stayed in the same university and not seen hostel life and might not have fallen in love right? And what is life without love man. I might not grown up as much I did. From innocence to strength I saw it all. Infact love gives us such courage that we know not of. I once let go off many things for love and I feel it was all for good. Infact I feel its good I never moved out for its only lucky children who get to be there taking care of aging parents. That is one regret I wouldn’t have want for that would have stayed forever. Of not spending enough time with parents. My life is still not sorted but now I feel I am content at what I do atleast and its beautiful and I feel I attract or repel decisions too.

For a long time in life I felt I was God’s chosen angel. And then I stopped believing and he stopped answering. Yet when I think now. All along he was hearing it too. He got me rid of wrong people when I couldn’t take them anymore. All I needed was to say and like magic they said goodbye themselves. It was funny but it still happens. Coincidently, I have even attracted guys I dated or crushed. They used to be this popular guy every one wanted and like magic they liked me. But then the ones I knew it was a hopeless struggle got repelled and left too. I believe in being chosen more now so it happens easily and I know it. I even get over people after initial day or so after realisation dawns of what a mess it would have been if they had stayed. So I think now whatever I have in abundance today is because I always believe I can never be short of this and it is so.

We all have struggles. I still have more in future. But every wrong decision made me move closer to the person I am and that is beautiful. As a result I don’t regret. I just close my eyes and thank certain things for existing and others to go. But when I fear losing I do lose. For I am not sure of myself.

So something like law of attraction exists. If it has to work, don’t regret. Why regret what made you happy? Why regret love or losing when it makes you a winner someday? All we need is some courage to make all we want a reality. And rest, life is indeed beautiful.

Till next time,

Live, Love and Laugh.

P.S. I never asked how you guys doing? I miss writing so this was one of those random writings. Hopefully I can write more this year. And yes, Happy New Year you guys 🙂

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Goodbye 2015

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Every year when I say goodbye to a year, I try dumping all the negativity into a bin and open my arms to embrace the next beautifully. Winters do that to me and I am just so glad. Last year had quite a tricky december and so the year that came followed suit. But then dark clouds went as the year entered its second half. And if I believe in signs, I think all negativity has somehow gone off thanks to the beauty that was the second half of my year.

So let’s analyse what all this year gave me and what it took over and be glad for whatever it ended up being.  This is gonna be a lot like the month of the year challenge as I am clueless what to be glad for and what to erase. So let me summarise each month seperately.  Let me be rhythmic a bit, for that is how my brain works the best.

The year that was, the year that is
Full of struggles, and some sweet fruits
There were quit bit of tears, yet some smiles
Yet never left me empty, when I couldn’t take.

The year that was, I know it as tiring
Started with  blunders, gave some respite
Here and there, it tested me often
But while going, gave me only smiles.

January brought many  dilemmas with it
Lost was what was my favorite place to be
Hurt it gave, like I can still not forget
While leaving, gave me a tinge of sunshine.

To overcome hurts, made me meet guardians
In name of colleagues, I met worthy humans
Sometimes being asked is all that is worth
And with it comes smiles that make us glad.

February O february, when did you come and go
I don’t even remember the supersonic speed
It was like a superwoman entered in my life
Handling it all in a day, I tasted my capabilities.

In between all the rush I made few memories
Met a friend who made me all smiles with talks
Danced and laugh on the d-day of another
In all and all, it was a great month for a while.

March you came once again, with your usual damper.
Lost on what was mine, hassled the mind as usual
Dark thoughts and anxious waits made it impossible
Like it was the end of another of the world.

Still, it wasn’t half as bad as one might think
Some beautiful conversations with people we like
Or some baked midnight surprises made it fine
I was just so glad I somehow did survive.

April is most often the special birthday blues
It was good in phases and that made it fine
Kept trying for some good times with hope
It was sullen in many ways yet I was sane.

It brought some girlies outside the screens
I learned how to have fun on off with them
Made pre birthday the most fun in laughter
And cake surprise on the day was the stealer.

Summer was going off just like that
Mostly in sickness, rest in stress
May was my baby’s birthday I remember
June was spent in preparing the next.

I wonder what these months gave me
And I do not know what to say still
But the first half was going off
and I was glad for it this time.

July came, and so did all the tests
Failings were one after the other
Somehow all my merits were short
And I was sick of all that wasn’t mine.

Just like that even August went
I have no idea what it brought
I now think of it as the month
That was last of the worst I saw.

September brought with it some respite
Another beginning, even if not as wanted
There was something that worked again
And smiles were around just like that.

October brought some muse  as I wrote much
Work and pleasure were combined in own ways
A twin visited from across the shores
Laughters and friendship mingled in smiles.

November was end of something nice 
I see it as the premonition of good times
It was something which was mix of it all
Work was light, family tight, friends near.

Like a sunshine, beautiful conversations
Or maybe a kissed sunshine of my heart
It brought visit from the other shore
Of friends held deep in the heart.

December was lot about positivity abound
It was about the believes and attraction
It was about the winter and the chill
It was all about smiling for I feel

It brought famed coincidences to me
It brought money I was awaiting
It brought celebrated drunkenness
In all it brought my writing muse.

Year o year now you end and I thank 
For deleting once that never cared
Bringing and keeping ones that did
For filling me with only hopes now.

I see the year ahead as with only hope
For it is meant to be my destined year
Filled with gifts I desired all along 
And love that resides in its corner. 

Thank you 2015 for existing. Thank you for all those who disappeared without a bye. Thank you for ones who came and filled me with happiness. Thank you for the smiles and laughters. Thank you for friends and acquaintances. Thank you for the lessons of a life time. Most of all thank you for all those satisfied works. As you go, I flush off all negativity, I forgive all that hurt me. You all be history. I wish for only smiles of positivity now on.

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I await you 2016 with beautiful warmth.Prove me right and be the one I forever remember.Be all that and lot more as I see. Be the dreams I never saw. I love you, new beginning.

Happy New Year 2016 to all of you lovelies. Hopefully I write more in the new year  🙂

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P.S. : Sorry for a rather long poem but had to do it.