Today I just had to spill it out. If not the ink, then the blood of emotions.  Everything on this page today, will smell of only you.  I don’t even want to sound lyrical, for it doesn’t matter what anyone read of it.  After three sleepless nights, three days of innumerable missed calls, three days of silence and three days of hurts, my heart finally gives up. I know I have often done it this year. Even spoiled my birthday somehow, for it hurts. People and their opinions rarely matter to me. But your opinions do. Always did. Even after two years of being extremely close friends ( many more years of being friends) , it really does.

I still remember that long mail when the disturbed me was pacified by you. You wanted to talk. But sharing numbers wasn’t my thing ever. And then time just went. I know you have managed my typo from the touch screen phone the most.  And I think you revived in me the ability of writing mails and mails. Long ones infact. And how I used to go and on whole day with my issues. And all that I needed was a call from you. And sigh. I think I have told you enough, but let me rephrase, the first time I talked to you, I fell in love with that voice. That accented, deep voice, O man. I can never get over that feeling. I am glad that very day you said, I choose who comes in my life and never let them go.  And then the friends forever promise. I often keep it but it was the first time someone wants to keep it with me.

Offcourse, we have had our share of fights.  One of my male bestie just told me that I can’t imagine you fighting with anyone. I actually don’t, I just go silent. And it hurt us both. Also you have reprimanded me too much for my pessimism and negativity. But I think it is all good. Who could handle my suicidal texts with humour? You only I think. And I actually have often ended up laughing. Also, who could keep texting me on important days to make sure all goes well. I think only you know how to make me laugh on my worse phases and moods. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know you get tired of taking care. You also want to be take cared. I have often tired. But then you are just way too nice to disturb me. But maybe sometimes you can try no?

All that was years back. Our friendship have changed too. We are busy and we hardly get time. Now you are more relaxed with me as my worst phase is over. But then I do have my blues. Also, I complain for I just miss ‘us’ being the more free kinds.  A person who has pushed each and every friend in these few years, kept you close. I survived for you were around. Otherwise, breakdowns I had was too much to be even told. I trusted the belief you have in me.  I test you and myself off late. I know I over react too. But then I just want to steal a piece of you which everyone gets. And often you forget I might be understanding but then I am human too. Am I not? I love and I care and also need the friend. I know I am not your best friend but then I also know how you hate when I say I have no best friend. I love it when you do realize you are my closest.

I think apart from you, hardly any know my personal issues. You think I could ever let you go? I push you off. On my birthday week I even decided I am never ever talking to you. You are my addiction. But I just was too disturbed with the accusations. And your thoughts about my issues. I don’t care what is the reality and not. I don’t even care if I ever see you . But yet I care about you and that be all. And yet, I was forced to give up. All because of the love. I weakened. I chose to never talk of those things anymore. I learnt my lesson. Every time we have fought, I learnt something and never talked on that line. A little of me died but I learnt. Now you see the effect?

Seeking to hear your voice once a month isn’t too much? Is it? Who knows where I be next year. Who knows where life takes us all. Utilizing it till the time is at hand isn’t too much. Or is it? A girl who never listen to anyone, does to you. Apart from 1-2 mistakes, you are always first one to know. When I submitted last july. I wanted to just call you. I might just do it post viva. And yet? I never intend to insult you. Never did. I have been as messed up last three days as you could ever imagine. It wasn’t about me. But me doing such things. I just want you to know that you are way too precious, just like how you considered me special.

You are one of those unnamed relationships which are like forever. I love you abound. You are my bestest friend. I want to share everything. Even when I mess my love stories. I want you to hold my hand and take me to the wedding hall someday. I want you to be the god father to my baby girl some day. And yet nothing will change. I will still throw kisses on you. Flirt in our cute harmless ways. And yet love our respective partners the most. You are the hottest and sexiest man I know. You got the moves. And I am glad I know you.  You are just everything in one. A  best friend when in tears, A lover when I am messed,  A mentor when indecisive, An ideal who makes it all easy. I know how much you try to settle things for me. No one will ever do. I just don’t allow. I might one day and that day you might be you even with me. I know it will come. I just respect you way too much.

Till that time, I just want to say ‘Don’t give up on me’. I am way too impossible. I might want you to know, times ahead are harder for me. Let me cry, and then even wipe those tears. Let us rekindle our friendship every other day. Come what may, just stay aside, even if geographical distances and time zones come between us some day. I want to get old and be the same with you. Even when our kids will go off and I am that crippled oldie, I want to call you and just smile. For in old age, all that matter is good friends.  I also want to make you proud of me one day. Have a place in the universe, where you go and say, hey that is my friend.

Space I need at times. But then don’t doubt my emotions? My actions are never deliberate. They are possessiveness at times. Jealousy at others. But then even you have them. Don’t lie that you don’t. I become helpless at times, I trample and fall. For this world is a mess and my fate even more at times. But when you be vigilant and make sure I get up, it is easier. It really is. People have warned me of attachments. Of trusting. And even keeping  close. But then, others also say you care. And that is all that matter right? You know way too much for me to now go back. I might know nothing. But trust me maybe. Someday?

I think that is all I guess. So how do we conclude? I love you beyond words, sweetheart. And my treats and coffee are pending and I will not leave without having then. Even if  it takes me decades to take it. Also, it is not easy to get rid of me. If you are stubborn about keeping some people close. Even I am. Even more if other person is the kindest and warmest human being. Someone who leaves me in awe at his sensitivity.

So forgive me, maybe? Not just this time but always?

You and me walking the opposite roads
Seeking a place in the universe
Filling hate with just purity
Of love, only we know, and cherish.

Undefined I keep ‘us’, and closed
In the palm of my hands and heart
I desire nothing, and give it all
All I want is your gift of friendship.

My creativity falls short when it’s you
You are not the muse, yet beyond
You are not just special, but beyond
Let us keep it simple, and call it heart beats.

P.S. : I am glad you called as I was about to publish this post. I know you don’t want it published but still read no? And tell me if you hate it. Thank you for the smiles. Also, yes we can be back to being normal.  I never realized I went overboard. I am really sorry. Never again. But I will be messed more at times, just understand no? Also, I will never be bored of you. Even you don’t be no, please? :*

Also prompted @ 3WW, OSI, Inspiration Monday, Poets United, The Sunday Whirl, Carry on Tuesday, Trifecta, Theme Thursday, and Sunday Scribblings

Silence speaks to me tonight, like I know not
For moments of laughter, and tears I know not
It whispers all through, in to the ears that hear
It speaks of all the moments, lost forever in haste.

It blows to my side, alphabets only I can recognize
It flew through the dry leaves, in whistles of magic
As the bird preach me alone, of romance in the darkness
The sadness of the road, today has a tale to tell.

A lanky persona falls in memory as I think of the moment
The one closest to winds breeze, of beats conversing alone
A moon whispered some intoxication into those eyes of thy
Uniting the sky to sing a poem, of love that was felt.

Looking through the stars, and trifling through the sand
We teased each other, through the lesson of friendship
A chemistry as of the angels, spoke through our stares
Before we knew, a tree shielded us, in that cold winter night.

Come with me, I said, as I took him through quiet lanes
With not a soul to be seen, I introduced him to senses
To read, what no one ever could, even when mind is crowded
He did it all, as he showered gratitude, with that one kiss.

No royal blood, we belonged to, nor of the uniting flames
Separation was our game, someday lost will we will, in woods
He was the popular one, I was the naive one
One day, we were the sparkling bond, emitting jealousy, to others.

His charm spoke, as I recorded it all in memory, in breaths
We conversed, of words and books, of music and movies
We spoke to realize, we were one in thoughts, with difference
Ultimatum gave our heart, in those times, when fingers intermingled.

Mysterious were his eyes, when they talked of hope, seeing none
I sought to just touch, the soul, hardened to the world ways
One day, It melted like wax, to fall on my feet, and thus begun
Destruction we called it, for there was no way, to return alone.

Once laying him in the grass, I read him the abstract dedication
Poetry heals I said, tears were all he could give, in embrace
To the stars, we sent our story, enveloped in our pains
Promising a visit, every time the pain was way too harsh.

We conversed, today, after all these decades of misery
In silent breaths, of what I could not undergo all alone
Of lives hidden in the moon, and those tiny stars of his
In the breeze I again felt his touch, speaking of his quiet love.

Also Prompted @3WW, OSI, Sunday Scribblings, Carry on Tuesday, Theme Thursday, Inspiration Monday, Trifecta, Poets United, One Minute Writer, and The Sunday Whirl

A feeling of ecstasy overpowered the existence
With just a peck of passion,  secrets unrelieved
Craving your touch, was my self, with every breath
Intoxicated in realms of unreal, I desired you.

I often said what lies  within was mere putrid
For it exhumed a bruised heart and a charred soul
Still, you sought to just entangle my fingers
Seeking to embalm me with the love, hidden afar.

It was a while that my flesh shuddered with thoughts
In which you played magic, with power of your feelings
Intensity, heard in your voice, spoke of all hidden
I rushed far, into resistant embrace, with every smell.

A speck of darkness was fading away, as dawn enlightens
In closed cubicle, I saw glowing smiles, of pure trust
I held it close, to speak of all the fears I knew not
For a confidante you were, before the steps moved ahead.

We whispered dreams and fantasies, life and death
Today, we chose to imprison the words, closely
Among the shine of giggles, and pure laughter
I took a leave, as moon appeared, only to reappear.

Fragrances of fresh henna awoke you from the fresh mist
As I stepped, with empty feet, and wet hair strands
To make love, with passion, found in unwritten leaves.
The eyes were there to entice, into a dream world today.

A spring it was, in our heart, as I moved in tandem with you
The colors in that chamber spoke of only deep romance
Orchids gelled with those red roses, as yellow marigold smiled
I asked you of their presence, you said they climbed for your glimpse.

A blush overwhelmed me, demure I became in love showers
You carried me towards a breeze of air that welcomed us,
Some rain drops, some glistened rays greeted us early
As I melted away like a liquid, in the sparks of your flesh.

Rare was the assortment, of lust and love, of purity and sin
Scared were my eyes, as you felt my lips, whispering a tale
I seek to love just the soul, move away if you must, of devils
I succumbed within you deep, with pains of desire, of eternal love.

Written for NaPoWriMo-Day 28

Also prompted@ 3WW, OSI , Theme Thursday, Trifecta, Inspiration Monday, Sunday Scribblings, The Poetry Pantry, A-Z Blogging Challenge( Y for Yellow)

Abused was the word,
She heard unconsciously
With blood piping down
As if a flood came across.

Photographs were captured
Within her innocent mind
As she struggled to live
Nightmares engulfed her .

He was just a friendly face
Smiling with alluring games
She was  a fresh bud still
Unknown to the filthy surrounds.

He had a color in his expressions
As if he loved her presence
He begged her with a ‘please’
To accompany him to the next corner.

Anomaly was he in the world
Isolation he preferred somewhere
Yet, all she saw was some nicety
Not his quest  to exploit her flesh.

A dreaded dragon unleashed on him
With a hunger forbidden by devils
Her giggles and love could no stop
When he approached her with desire.

A path of destruction he paved
For she was too little to endure
Yet, heart was never he had
A monstrous animal fell on her.

The cries were all in vain today
Trust taught a new lesson in life
An innocence was lost for her
When she struggled to keep it safe.

A rescuer somehow hear her pain
But she was long dead by then
An angel had brought her to earth
Forgetting devil await to molest.

Accusations will fly here and there
Politics will play chess in her name
Sympathy and love will take rounds
Some will even seek to kill ‘one’ satan.

With the slight of a hand decisions happen
Yet, we still forget to teach humanity
Says the eyes of the girl in the dead bed
 Then ‘ the show must go on’ and it does.

I may die, or I might survive like stone,
Says the innocent mind of the tarnished
Respect the future, clean the mind
For I desire, no other to be abused.

Written for NaPoWriMo-Day 18

Also Prompted @ 3WW, A-Z blogging Challenge ( P for Photographs), The Sunday Whirl, Inspiration Monday, Trifecta, Carry on Tuesday, Theme Thursday, OSI and We Write Poems

P.S.  I generally avoid writing on social issues but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t disturb me. But mere words would do nothing. So unless I am capable enough to touch a life and improve it I let people judge me. But then, the latest case of a 5 year old baby girl just made me go numb. Read about it here. So I thought let me give my readers something to think about and help making some change. For I believe changes don’t come by protests or punishments but by influencing the internal thinking and mentality of the people who can be future criminals or may borne them . I hope I could  contribute a bit to that through this piece.

Present 

A promise was all that it seemed.  For it was with someone non existent in the present. Yet, it was all that was hers. Rekindled memories appeared with the thought of keeping the promise. It was like a long forgotten kiss felt on the sour lips. The fresh smoke out of the bag hidden somewhere in the past, was inciting her. Somehow it was the date that didn’t let her sleep. It was her favorite month, once again. A fool’s delight was the date tonight. Yet, something told her that he might not take it a miss. What if he skips the deal and later pronounces with those shameless words, ‘O darling. That was a April Fool’s joke’. But she is known to keep her word. And he never did. So she took the chance, for a promised word, they made a decade back.

Ten years back 

A phone call it was all.  Somehow she initiated the conversation by a simple forwarded text she sent him.  But, then somehow they wanted a talk. It has been years since life happened.

He: Hello.
She: Hi. I wasn’t expecting a phone call.

He: And I was thinking of some coffee.
She: Eh? Sorry?

He: The apology for not meeting and remember I have to return that book.
She: And those change too.

He: O ya *Chuckles*
She: Since when did you start needing excuses?

He: Since you stopped meeting.
*Silence*

She: Anyways, so what is new?
He: Will tell you when we meet.

She: Eh? I thought that was a joke.
He: Nope. O comeon just a coffee. Tomorrow?

She: O Ya Ya. Let us make a deal. Coffee on you. Years on me.
He: Eh?

She: 10 years later. Same date. Same city. Coffee. You and me.
He: Hmmm. And I will still be nothing.

She: My career hasn’t even started. Deal?
He: Deal. 1st April 2013. We meet again.

She: You never asked where and what time?
He: Our place. I am sure it will still exist. And for breakfast?

She: Promise. And then we will talk.
He: But tomorrow?

She: I am just not yet ready.
*Silence*

She: Talk to you later. See you.
He: See you.

It has been five years since she saw him last. Yet, she wasn’t ready. Will life be any different ten years later. She wondered.

Present

Basking in the glory of the present, she realized how he still manages to make her feel miserable. How she was still a vacuum unknown. Everything used to be magical in his presence. Then, she reveled in grief and pain too long.  She never really raised a finger over the wrongs once. And today, something was not really right even in the perfect surrounding. . Maybe, it was waiting for the closure she will be giving herself tonight. She should have done that decade back. But then she wouldn’t not have given herself that seal then. Now she can. After all, tomorrow is another day.

As the sun was out in its glory, she found herself in front of the mirror, trying to look the best. After all, sometimes impressions are all that are yours. So, here she was ready before time and on the way to the place. They called it their place. Sigh. She thought how the memories still pass through you after all these years. Five years of togetherness. Fifteen years apart. Yet, a string strung.

She finally was standing at the edge of that buzzing coffee shop. She still could find a imprint of them stuck to their old corner.

Feeling the fresh corners of the seat that held them once, she found a comfortable posture to settle down. She was in an anxious mood as to if she did the right thing by being here. What if he didn’t remember. Or what if he choose to forget the promise. Her convoluted mind and confused thoughts were interrupted by a familiar scent and a familiar face. Just some grey hair and a wrinkled lines on a bespectacled face were the new addition. Otherwise, he was still the heart stealer .

He: So you did stop by?
She: Even you did.

He: This city is still my second home. You have gone places.
She: This city will always be my first home. Anyways, how you been?

He: Good. Just a bit old maybe.
She: Still fishing for compliments. Are you?

He: Not at all. Infact, you deserve too many.
She: * chuckles* I am too old for that.

He: Life begins at forty darling. And I must say you have taken quite a good care of your body.
She: So you saying I have finally achieved the perfect figure which I never had back in college. Right?

He:  Transformation from an angel to a diva I say.
She: Stop buttering. We are no longer in college

He: O college. Makes me feel like how long it been. Even the university days were over long back.
She: Fifteen years since we last saw each other.

He: You remember?
She: I do. Though it wasn’t such a great memory.

He: Sigh. I know.
She: So spectacles make you quite serious

He: Now we look bit similar.
She: Hahaha and professional.

He: You do. I am still stuck in the same old routine
She: Sympathy gainer you still are.

He: Not with everyone
She: Ya Ya. So, how is Natasha?

He: * Stares*
She: I know her real name for too long.

He: Sometimes wrong facts are the only option we have.
She: Dishonesty is never right. Only if you were not the coward.

He: I wasn’t. Just the circumstances….
She: O ya. Circumstances make you cheat. Fall in love. Anyways, any kids?

He: Not yet. Actually I am planning to go abroad for a degree.
She: Doctorate isn’t your game darling. And still confused about your life? High time you take control of it.

He: Haha. You still know me quite a bit. I see, You did very well with that part. A writer. You always wrote well.
She: I hardly wrote back then. But then found my calling in it ultimately.

He: Marriage?
She: Who has the time?

He: Don’t do that?
She: Everything isn’t about you, love.

He: You really loved me no? Wish I…
She: Courage is the word. But don’t. For then I would have turned a drop in the ocean. Pain teaches us life. And you never had that around you.

He: You also had the destiny to be so.
She: Yes. Even you did. Just you never saw

He: That is so not…..

Before he could complete the sentence. A horde of fans were surrounding her like devotees. She had no option but to make a move, she finally said:-

” You only wanted artificiality  I only wanted you. But my path was right and yours was wrong. You are still mine in those memories. Fame was bestowed, for I had love. And you have an empty hand. Next time wish with a clean heart “

Tears rolled. He loved, but with conditions. And he finally realized it.. She ultimately found the closure. As she let him go completely.

Love grew in the innocent hearts
Memories were all it left then
They still curse it for the pain
Yet relish it for the desire abound.

Also Prompted @ 3WW, Inspiration Monday, Sunday Scribblings, NaPoWriMo, Theme Thursday, Carry on Tuesday and A-Z Blogging Challenge ( K for Kiss and L for Love)

I seek inspiration infinite
Berating the black character
Farewell to words I gave once
In the blankness that trapped.

Seasoned is the ink that flows
From the pen lying on desk
They for once take it upon
To rebuke me for all accusations.

The breeze flowing in from panel
Turn those crisp curtains hazy
I hear some mystic happening
Then the letters speak fast.

‘O insensitive human, rise
From the slumber you are
Read me, not just in books
But all around in space.

Bare your heart, and the soul
Let your body dance to music
That comes from the sparrow
Move your curves, flexibly.

Do not argue with me for once
Just feel me in your breath
Lick away the dirt that settles
When all you do is the right.

Be the wrong, be the nude
Passions runs deep within
Why not walk only for desires
Give squint look, to who disagrees.

Late you feel is your fate
But then life is still moving
Click some happiness around
Take the pain all in for smiles.

That tattoo on your body talks sense
Of the time when you lived on terms
You dictated to even the strangers
Now even the waters scares you.

Dive deep into the ocean
Intoxicate your self with vial
Let all that you hide within
Come out, even the hunger.

I am thirsty, like always
For you do injustice, to me
All that you scribble on paper
Is all that is demanded not felt.

Come on, O my dear homo sapien
I need creation from the depth
Soiled in blood, and in lust
Of  hurt, and sorrows .

I want you, traps I detest
Release from your own miseries
So once do not think, at all
Just write, in ink of love”.

Letters danced once again,
As I moved naked on sheets
With words that were mine
Dipped in love of thy.

Also Prompted @Inspiration Monday, Sunday Scribblings, Theme Thursday, 3WW, OSI , One Minute Writer, NaPoWriMo and Poets United,

Lining those lips, deep red
Lashes checked, in mirror
Dress donned, perfume sprayed
Slipping the silhouette, at last.

Just a date, you said,
To convince me, for nod
Smirked amorously, intensely
Decision, I made. Yet unknown.

Fragrances of candles
Merged with some roses
In the tiny cornered room
Where desires inter-meshed

Coffee on the table
Awaiting my presence
Glint in your eyes
Sought some intoxication.

Orders of fate emerged
In the drinks I brought
His smile said it all
For the game had begun.

Desires locked in wine
Passion mingled densely
Aroma of lust, in dim light
A lurking tale written.

Music moved the curves
Body in tandem tonight
Feet quiver in the heat
Leaving no space within.

Some laughs, some embrace
Meeting fates, in touches
Dirtying the sheets once
For coffee leaves stain.

P.S.: I have been suffering from writer’s block for many days so the irregularity in blogging. It so happened that I read a post on writer’s block and the word ‘coffee stains’ just unleashed some thoughts I could put on paper. Though I know I was not able to do justice to the idea, I hope you guys like it.

Copyright @Image 1,

You once asked me why love
Like a bud I let out fragrances
I wasn’t the dream you desired
Yet, I found perfection in real.

You once asked me why love
I silently listened to pains
In eyes refusing any affection
I slowly discovered purity, entirely.

You once asked me why love
When inspite all my surrender
You refused the touch for way long
I touched all those inside, with smiles.

You once asked me why love
In the secret lanes of hopes
Where all that was mine was moments
When you kissed eyes which ever cried.

You once asked me why love
When you were pulled off my embrace
In laps of those whom you disdained
I still, stayed straight, in your feet.

You once asked me why love
I worshiped the deity you became
I ran in perpetuity, in promise
To abandon all mine if you took risks.

You once asked me why love
In time when we knew no other way
First being you were, to sense within
Kneel in prayers, an atheist, to have you.

You once asked me why love
When you decided to turn away
Even in final breaths we stood
Below the stars that once united.

You once asked me why love
In mystical telepathic conversations
And I smiled as you professed love
From the stone that was not to melt.

You once asked me why love
In the point where we wrote destruction
And I let it be, for I knew no way
I died every moment, I disagreed last.

You once asked me why love
When it was the end of us
I held the hand to my beats
Seeking the blessing there forever.

You once asked me why love
When bitterness flew above
Yet, we found nothing of ours
Memories, we created, for lives.

You once asked me why love
In week moments of despair
I sat you down in my poetry
Embrace is all you could give.

You once asked me why love
With certain happiness I grew
You smiled in the hurt within
We still conversed through stars

You still ask me why love
Maybe through the dark moon
I look at it above and whisper
“For it was all I could give”.

Forever bereft stayed the face
That sought me even in distances
For the abhorred  fate nearing
I sought just moments , with you.

The aid you provided in thy presence
Often snatched in the games of mind
When universe conspired against dreams
I tarnished it all away in the pit of the hand.

One fine evening it indeed was , you said
In paradox lived your discombobulated self
I knew nothing, but the soul talks back then
As you resisted all that your eyes spoke.

Embracing the truth, our silences spoke aloud
Tears found a last outlet, in serenity of us
You wondered if the memories will ever be enough
For that was my decision, you disliked.

I looked in those deep questioning eyes
That had everything just for me then
I succumbed down, as some dew blessed
You will be the only dream , I uttered.

Snatching the night once more, we begged time
Sat in the laps of the nature to pave way
For a story that will retain essence in eternity
Till infinity, we remain the soul mates.

Immemorial time speaks
Instant truth belies
As I peek through
An aperture of the past.

Time travel in the hour
When a grave shout miseries
World revolving through
Speaking of ironic beauty.

Religion mocks with the cross
As it exhibits pain there
A hood of freedom in the tears
That fell from the heavens.

A lone sparrow meets a point
Where past meets the future
It traps life in its wings
Even illusion of mistakes.

‘Careful,’ says my instinct
As I step on a harsh reality
Interpreting what is beauty
A hug come as a wind, from history.

I embrace the present, in lights
In fragrances of the nature across
The path shows me a way out
To what I do not even seek.

I lay in the dark, all through
For they teach me mysteries
Choice of the truth, non existent
For there is no wrong, like the right.

 I wander out, in the open skies
A set of wings show the way
To explorations of the senses
For history is still in making.

Also Prompted @Sunday Scribblings, OSI, Inspiration Monday, Trifecta and 3WW.

P.S. The above picture is clicked by yours truly.