”You look like a strict clown here, couldn’t you have smiled in your wedding pictures?”
“On the stage, when I was shitting in my pants?”

” It was just your wedding, for Christ’s sake”
“Yes yes, i was being sacrificed for life”

“Very funny”
“Not at all. We got married seriously. Shit”

“ Now you have no option. You have to wake up everyday seeing my silly face”
“That sounds cute actually”

“Cute as hell right?”
“Not less horrific now, compared to the kind it will be when you get the wrickled face one day. I am scared thinking of it only”(makes horrific face)

” I will look the same always, get it? ” (popping eyeballs)
“You can promise? or you getting botox? I don’t have that much money, girl”

“Grrrrrr…Nope. I wouldn’t change internally, you see?”
“Good, now get me a coffee”

“I can see you have already changed”
“I am a guy”

“So?”
“We have an inborn right to change”

(smirks)
“Don’t give me that look or I will catch you”

“Why? Your heart missed a beat?”*(winks)
“Very filmy”

“Very serious”
“Me? never.I am just a stale catching guy” (smirks)

“You already caught me, when stupid cupid caught you, remember?”
“Not that catching, stupid, the other one”  (wicked smile)

“Stay off me, or you are so dead”
“Noppppe, now I have a legal right too”

“Excuse me?”
“Your mom excuses wouldn’t work, I can kiss you in front of her too”

(Eyes wide open)
“Don’t pretend you don’t notice such looks and heard my words. I can do, after all,  I am her pampered son-in-law, darling”

“Stay away” ( runs away)
“How far can you run in one room?”

“Mummmmmmy”( cute fake crying)
(Catching her stole from behind to hug her and whisper)

“What?”
“Yes, my inborn children’s mom”

(sighs)
Mwaaaah

“I can’t help but  love you, my stupid husband”
“I love you, my silly wife”

Two individuals, two lives,
Bubbling with new found love,
In the vitality of existence,
To seek meaning together.

Desires are new,
But dreams old,
They plan to fulfil,
Together like a fairytale.

X- box, or a Louis Vuitton,
Leather, or feathers,
Sports or movies,
Variety and yet spice.

Resting in each other arms,
They kiss some, they fight some
They love some, they cry some
Yet they stay as mine for all.

It was fresh love, all said
Staleness will make it hard
You will cry and dispiced
When look fury sights.

They grew up old together
Tarnishing all claims,
Cradling one chair,
Still kissing to fame.

Embracing the feel,
Even in crackled bones,
They define true love,
Found just in true souls.

I wish everyone reading this post,

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY

Today, make a promise to yourself,

To love yourself the most and be your valentine first before loving anyone else.

And also promise to follow this rule 365 days of the year and see how life changes for best.

Love yourself, pamper yourself, smile crazily, stay happy and be forever blessed. 

 Also Prompted @Inspiration Monday, OSI, Sunday Scribblings, Poets Pantry, Weekend Wordsmith, Theme Thursday.

Note* :  That dialogue which was initially to be used was-  “Why? Kuch Kuch hoya” , but since the blog is read by not just South Asian audience , I changed it. For South Asian people, I know it appealed and resonated more with the filmy dialogue later and surely make more sense now for you people. For everyone, kuch kuch hoya means same as heart skipping a beat but it is used in reference to a Indian movie- Kuch Kuch Hota Hai which also mean something something happens in heart (stupidly translated). Click this to know more of the reference.

P.S :This is one of the rare posts whose conversations I wrote in mind while still waking up and realized later it could have been the conversation a close friend of mine would have had with her husband post marriage as we all asked her post marriage, he could have atleast smiled. So, dedicated to you too Munza

P.S.S. It would have been two years today for my blog had I stuck to the older one. But since I imported all posts, Happy Birthday, my baby blog ( It’s almost four years since I first started blogging though but I took a long break in between so that doesn’t count )

Standing in the corner
Tall it looks affront
Ruins define existence
Telling mighty tales.

Dark is all the present
As glimpse of light falls
Sun rises beneath it
Glittering image of history.

Lessons are written in walls
Of the sour grapes it gave
And rosy petals that smelled
In garden of sorrows and love.

That wasn’t supposed to happen
Screams the tomb residing within
Dead are the pillars and yet alive
In the history of times it lived.

I stand alone watching it
Of the sun going back
To the home I know not
Revisiting pasts and presents.

Controlling the magnificent trail
Lies the beauty of time
Yet darkness brings its story
To a standstill I know not.

Like a flesh cut by a razor
The segments whisper nothings
Crying aloud of sadness within
Yet laughing at smiles it held.

I am still wondering of the circle
When death will leap across me
And no one will wonder for long
In a spectre of light I will be lost.

The monument of death and prayer
Stand eternal mocking me
Asking me as to what I leave
To be remembered forever like it.

I become a chutney of confusions
With having nothing to say
A disembered structure stands
Even thousand years later
Giving lessons of  worthy life.

Also Prompted @3WW, OSI, Weekend Wordsmith, Sunday Scribblings, Inspiration Monday, Theme Thursday.

Note: I might be using my own photography in some of my posts and it will be watermarked @NS Photography and so would be copyrighted to me just like this one

” A kiss”
“Shutup”

“Offcourse, one needs to shut up to kiss”
“Grr….I meant shutup your stupid ideas”

“Now I became stupid, I thought you found me smart, right?”
“I guess all men become such once they fall in love”

“Love? What is that ….never knew such a thing”
“Hmmmph. Then who am I for you?”

“A stormy woman whose mind is always covered with words. “
“I am not asking your opinion of me but my meaning in your life”

“Now my opinion also doesn’t matter. You are a buffoon “
“So I am so detached from your life that I became a comic”

“Hahhahaha. It’s so easy to irritate you “
” Get lost”

“Sure sure. But my kiss?”
“Ask it from the innocence of your moon outside,  maybe it complies”

“It isn’t night yet, baby”
“Move away. I am going to make some food. I am hungry”

“Why do you jolt me sideways when you get irritated? Anyways, make me some chicken sausages too ?”
” How about having my foot?”

“Naaa. Then how will you walk ? Also, it wouldn’t be that tasty”
“Arrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh. I will kill you.”

“I will kiss you, my action packed girl “
“Alas you can’t. Also, you are so wrong about me.”

“When you fight you are indeed one. And the sound of your lips speak to the silence in my eyes, darling”
“Stop, playing with words. It wouldn’t calm me.”

“You are already guilty to having fallen in love so only I can pacify you.”
” Love? Go to hell.”

“Love can’t , so we will but only together.”
“Hahaha. You are too much”

“But my love will never be too much .”
“Awww. Should I say that?”

“Naah not needed. Because you reside in my heart even if you don’t say, silly”
“Stupid”

Two different souls
Opposite yet similar
Fighting to love
Surging forward  .

Eyes met long ago
Yet the child breath
Within to love again
Like spirit of unknowns.

Unaware of the world
Yet dream they weave
To make all it own
Catching the sun away.

Broken they once were
Tears in each eyes
Smiles of known seen
When friendship bloomed.

Today they still disagree
They still annoy and tease
They run off to disturb
Yet heart beats like one.

Innocence of love smiles
As he pampers her
She loves him abound
As life merge together.

Standing on the aisle
One day she dreamily smile
As he whispers softly
” You are only mine, till eternity”.

Also Prompted @3WW, OSI, Sunday Scribblings,  Poetry Picnic , Inspiration Monday, Theme Thursday, Thursday Poet’s Rally, Poets United

He:

He (Smiles): Come on, I appreciate and flatter you quite often.
She (Sarcastically) : Yes Yes. Only when you want that Dark Chocolate Brownie right out of the oven with your evening tea.

He: It is ever possible that you don’t taunt me?
She: Well, only if you come straight to the point without going round in circles about what you want.

He stands up and lumbers his way to the book shelf.

She: Can you not be lazy atleast in your walk early mornings. Anyway, I will go and brew some coffee.

He: You know your patience quotient is like a bubble?
She: Ask my school buddies, they will tell you how good with patience I have been.

He: That’s history, dear. Now all you have is a bundle of wrecked nerves.
She (Raises eyebrows): What do to do? I live with one jittery soul.

He slowly opens the marked page from a book he picked up from the book shelf and read it aloud.

“Kneeling down touching the feet of my mother I smile and seek to capture this moment forever. She must be in her nineties’s now and it would be not very far when I would be left without her presence. There was not a single moment I must have lived without her. Be it in school, college or when I left the city for my job or even when I got married. All I demanded from the people who entered my life is that this lifeline accompanied me always. People considered me mad and some nice ones considered her lucky for having such a daughter but nothing made me part from her. I came into this world as she of all people wanted to conceive me. She knew it would be a daughter all the nine months even when people said you should want a son and it was she who taught me basic principles of self respect , love and adjustments of life.

Today when I am a successful woman, a loved wife and a loving mother, I want to tell her that she is  the one who taught me to balance life and also she  was the only one who never let me break and  held me at every crossroad of my life. I  kissed her feet and  said  with a tear in my eyes, 

“Mom, Stay with me forever”

At that instant, my precious mom opened her eyes from her afternoon slumber and put her hands on my head to bless me and to tell I will live forever inside you.  She also made me aware that  whenever I needed her all I had to do was  just feel her inside my heart. In her blessings she inspired me to teach my children what she taught me always . She didn’t speak a word and yet she said it all in conversation with my heart to make me smile once again.  ”

She (With a wide grin): You managed to read my book when you said you will never do so.
He: You think I can resist not reading you when your words were what made me fall in love with you?

She moved forward to embrace him.

She (Embracing his arms) : It would be nothing if I didn’t had a loving husband like you.
He: It could only  have been a super woman like you who could have made the world realize that happiness indeed lies in taking care of one’s parents even as they grow old . You had just one plan, to stay beside and take care of ones who brought you in the world, and you worked all according to plan.  It is woman like you that make my chest swell with pride it is woman like you that make a man like me love my woman so easily.

She (Blushingly): You make me so proud in knowing and marrying you. All that I am was possible only for I had someone like you beside me always.
He: I am a much more prouder man.

She (Kissing him): I Love You
He(Kisses his forehead):  I Love you too

Before both of them could say more, screams of children started coming from the front door .

He (Sighs): There comes our devils to intrude in our moment of romance.
She (Punching him in the stomach) : Grrr….they are my angels.

He (Bigger sigh) : Mothers will be mothers.

The children come and embrace both of them.

Children (Screaming together) : We love you Mom and Dad.
He and She ( Together kissing their angels): We love you too.

Also Prompted @ 3WW, OSI, Inspiration Monday, Theme Thursday, Weekend Wordsmith, Sunday Scribblings

The old tired eyes were finally filled with happiness at the sight of her only grandson. She was getting to embrace and love him after almost a year of his birth. She had yearn for the day since he was born and her smiles were flashing more than lightening. Yet there was one thing she wanted to say to that silent boy. One thing that she didn’t liked in his genes. One thing that she forever fought in the fifty years of marriage. Silently she wanted to tell him just don’t be like your father and grandfather when it comes to treatment of women. She knew the men in this house were overprotected and over-pampered and she was to blame for it in a way and yet there was somethings in them she can never change.

She was reminiscing the years passed in this house since she came from a pampered fairy tale childhood. The only reason she stayed initially was maybe the absence of her father in her life and the wish to make it work. And then she saw the coming of her son which gave her the reason to stick around even when her family couldn’t see her suffering. She preferred suffering all her life rather than spoiling the life of the new man in her life and smilingly accepted her fate. Her husband was a educated, foreign returned individual with a well respected job even though he came from a poor family. She was the most beautiful and pampered daughter of a landlord who was a known politician of his time. She was considered the most sensitive child and was a daddy’s girl but then fate had a twist and the stressful life took his father away from her. She couldn’t accept this fact but then life moves on. And it did.

He belonged to a very poor family yet he had a stable job and the cupid strike him when he saw her. He knew her brother and pursued it for half a year even if all her family was against it. She was very young and just finished with her graduation They were also decade apart in their ages yet he wanted just her. He promised to look after her studies as he planned to settle abroad and convinced of a happy life and that was all that it took to have a new life with one he loved.  And marriage happened and like always the man changed.

From a loving man to an angry young man emerged. He started hating the very brother who convinced her family to marry. He forced the ending of all relations with her mother, brother and hated all her family. The inferiority complex combined with possessiveness got hold of her. He was not a abuser but yet emotionally he killed her. Her mom cried and cried for years till one day she arrived at her doorstep asking her to divorce a man who is not keeping her happy. He got scared and knelt down. She was a mother by then and stood by her decision for the little boy she had born. She was never to remarry and single life would have not given a good future to her kid and so she stayed by convincing her mother he kept her happy. The anger, the fight, the possessiveness increased day by day and the marriage went downhill. Worse was his family who hated her as they felt she took their son away from them even though she always tried to bring them closer. The mother -in -law was a great lady but too influenced by poisons of her sister -in -law. So the son grew up hating them all and trying to take care of her mother at cost of fighting with the father. He was the reason that she started seeing her mother again after not meeting her for five years.

Years went by, her son was her pride and her daughter her princess. Yet, the children grew up seeing the fights and a deep unlikeliness for their father.  Her son grew up to be the one who respected woman for the struggles her mom took for him. He pampered her sister for all he missed. He hated his father for his flirtatious outings and those angers and he hated him most for not letting her mother make a career for he was in need of a housewife. The abroad plans never worked as he never wanted it to , she was stuck with his ways, his anger, her extra protective nature and loads of tears. She saw a marriage of compromise where love was taboo. He never worked more than he required for he felt he worked for himself not to fulfill demands of his wife or child. She was stuck to a man who never wanted children and yet was force to have them as they happened, a man who cut contacts with her biological family, who let her ambitions go to waste and made her friend less. In she short, she spent years with a man who made her lonely. Except for her children there was no reason why she lived for he gave her diseases of unhappiness.

Then the son grew up who never got along with his dad and yet was his image in many ways. He loved and respected his mom and sister beyond words. He couldn’t live without girls in his life and yet never wanted to give relation a name or respect. He was a player in his own ways like his dad. All this scared her a lot. He struggled , he digressed but then ultimately made his life. He spent a decade with the woman he loved but he couldn’t live a life with her. And then he fell for another.

She was educated, beautiful and belonged to a well off family and she was born in a country which prides itself as the superpower. He was a migrant in her country and yet in a decade managed to get a permanent job, a beautiful house and the right to be a legal citizen. Yet, they were decades apart when it comes to age. Yet , he pursued her. And ultimately she conceded for their ambitions matched. She fell head over heels in love and married the most perfect guy.

Perfect he was until the genes worked their magic. He fought with his parents over stupid issues and asked her to cut all contacts with her, even her little sister. When she resisted, his anger showed and flared and she accepted. She cried in close doors and scarily contacted her sister once a while but that’s it. He hated her childhood friends too and she removed all from her life for she loved her. Then she got pregnant and as she loved children it was the perfect blessing. But when it comes to sharing news, her husband went stubborn. She was forced to cut ties with her little sister as well. She was all alone when she needed all. He was more hypocrite than her mother could imagine and didn’t bring his mother to his home for fear of diseases to his new born and she couldn’t have her mother along too. Plea of her mother to get her mother didn’t work too. She suffered the longest and the scariest delivery but then seeing her son in front of her was worth it.

Today her sister and parents cry for they don’t know if she has born a son/ daughter nor have they seen their grandson nor have they the right to know his name. And here she is all alone too for her husband doesn’t even let him have private talks with his mother/sister to form a close bond for he lives a scared of unknown life like his father. He is one anxious being who freaks out at small things making his wife suffer more. His sister understands but she has suffered enough for the wrong decisions by her father and brother.

The mother looks at her daughter-in-law and sees the tears behind the veils of silence and happiness. She is saddened the son learnt nothing even in her suffering. She is more saddened that all he learnt was to run after money and not peace and happiness.

She  tells her daughter  one thing, ” the women in the house suffer for the faults of the men”  and yet she wishes her daughter- in- law doesn’t suffer like she did. She says to herself, her son saw her spent the whole life in tear and yet her son is going to do the same. For she is going to let the marriage work in tears for smiles of him. She sees the daughter- in -law’s fate as a sliver of her life. She still says silently to herself, ” We had one thing in common- the circle of destiny”.

As she bides goodbye to their son’s family going back to their home, she says a silent prayer that the son realizes the wrong someday and returns the smiles to his wife.

The daughter of hers who is a educated, strong willed woman stands in a corner and remember the words his brother said months after the marriage, ”All marriages are just compromises”, and she wonder what can make him see her eternal love. And then she remember the words of her mother, “Even thousand women can not make men in my house happy, they will treat them all the same way.”

And then she wonders, If  I get a men like them will then they understand seeing me suffer ?

And her mother silences the thought saying, “Shhh…women have suffered enough, you are the change”

She prays that maybe her sister -in- law career uprising someday changes her fate and he let her be a working women and if that doesn’t happen, she will make sure she works someday. She finally decide to take a step to change it soon and yet wonders will the women in front of her spend her life for the man in her lap like her mother?

A silent email resides in the inbox from the little sister of her brother’s wife to his sister. It ask questions that has shaken her. The little girl is failing all attempts to reunite the family and she has lost her sister. She just wants to know what is her fault to make her brother ignore her since he married her sister when he pampered her before that. Doesn’t she has right to see her nephew/ niece or pamper her? It makes her see what is going wrong down generations. It’s upto her to address the issue or ignore it. Talking to her sister- in -law is impossible as her possessive brother screens all emails and talks and waiting for her to come means a year of letting her suffer. Addressing the issue might mean becoming evil in front of the brother and losing him in a way and also getting stern looks from her dad who support his son’s behavior.

Her mom knows it and prefers the issue to be ignored at the moment but how can she let the next generation suffer and yet she can’t ignore the consequences as she is yet a dependent family member and waiting for independence will be make her be party to injustice. She has no answers as she prefer telling her sister- in -law first before asking her brother more and  addressing the issue to the root and there is no way. How does she make all fine and make her brother sees sense and make the new female member have the happiness is something for which she has no answers. What will she do or not do is something only time will tell, alas.

Two women, two lives
Yet a common fate
Linked by destiny
As they pass across.

One saw no happiness
Just struggled to live
Another happy in a way
Yet silent tears rolled

Goodbyes to the parents
They saw as temporary
Yet the men they loved
Made it all permanent.

They loved and cared
Like it was only meaning
Yet he was forever lost
In loving just himself.

Old saw the young
Seeing repetitive fate
She wanted to embrace
And talk it all.

The possessive scared men
Created a divide forever
Alone bonding never happened
And both suffered separately.

The lone happy woman here
Wondered what she can change
She used to hate the new girl
For she snatched the brother.

Yet when her eyes open
She cries a miles of tear
She couldn’t wipe her hurts
But decided to find way someday.

Activism was in her blood
And life around sickened her
She decided to bring senses to men
Who destroyed life of many females.

(Syllable count- 223)

Also Prompted @ 3WW, Inspiration Monday, Poets United, The Purple Treehouse

P.S. This is a pure work of fiction and has nothing to do with my life. I drew inspiration for this piece through lives of certain people I encountered and decided to pen it to raise awareness about a type of domestic violence no one really sees. It is not physical in nature but is equally tormenting, I choose to call it emotional abuse. I hope reading this piece make some people realize that such kind of abuses which restrict the individuality of humans and make them live in hell is nothing less than a crime itself.

Siting in one corner of the world, as water swept past rhyming songs of death, she wondered, if life was really worth all the struggle. Brutal seemed fate to her , drowned in tears of blood,  where all she saw was gory and horrific.  If wishes were dragon, she would have burned every hatred within and embraced all the dreams she saw shattered one after the other.

It only seem like yesterday when in one of her sullen moods, she had said goodbye to the only one she trusted most with her life for over a decade. The energy she had put in the produce of the lifetime was today withered away as one bad memory of a lifetime.

It was spring outside, trees were all laden with colored leaves and smell of beautiful flowers filled the air with fragrance of its own. One tarnished soul sat at the crossroads of life where the question of life and death is what bothered her most.

What she didn’t know was what life had in store for her.

Across seven seas, he was smiling at the teasing of his sister who was eager to get him hitched. The picture of her was in front of him and a rosy blush on his face. He was denying any interest to everyone around but how could he deny the truth to himself. A man who never believed in love but was falling in love, not at first sight, but first glimpse of her picture. This was not the usual practical him, but then when paths and destiny decide to make things work, there isn’t any logic. Is there?

Two people miles apart, one thinking to end life over a broken heart. Another, thinking if the illusion of love is worth a try. But yet both are unknown to the fact that one day, destiny will bring these two strangers together to live a happy life together, as each other’s Soul- Mates.

Strangers are they
Siting in corners
Crying over the past
Fearing the future.

Unaware of the music
In rhymes of time
When flowers bloom
And rivers swing.

Tears will be pearls
Smile all magical
As love bird burn
In union of souls.

Souls meant to unite
Till eternity of time
Blissful marriage shine
As families drink wine.

Siting in one corner
Or running across seas
Romance will smile
At the beauty of cries.

Old joints will ache
When sea smile of old
Who still love close
With all their might.

Also Prompted @ 3WW, Inspiration Monday, Weekend Wordsmith, OSI, Thursday Poets Rally and The Poetry Pantry

A silence lurk around
Scary to the eyes
As I wander far
Retaining tear that fell.

Waking up to silence
I find something amiss
Love I searched around
In you I found none.

A closet love lurked
When all bonds broke
You were special
Nameless yet it was.

A surge of emotions
I felt all together
For one who gave smiles
When I saw no sanity.

In naughtiness of moments
As I sought to touch
Those silk of love
In whispers of voices.

Significant was the heave
Felt in innocent smiles
I was coming closer
To delusional vague times.

Change was the period
When I felt in control
Yet expectations ruled
Addiction you became fast.

The angers were trivial
As love held supreme
Recede was in your feel
Yet I stayed in your hold.

A clever tactic of diversion
Was what I had been
When no one cared you played
Innocently, I fell in  deep trap.

Zenith of emotion I reached
When I realized the love
Prohibited by time around
I cried in secrets lulls.

Slowly you drove me away
With harshness of tones
Yet stood just in caresses
I felt like you gave all.

I was special in thoughts
But that was slowly gone
When like a hard bolt
You told me to restrict words.

You were back in the world
Where you loved her again
I was way to playfully gain
The passion you had once lost.

I whimper and I cry
For I again lost one
I fell so much close
To caress my tattered heart.

You still stay but distant
I decide to let you go
For the black hole was
What I was falling within.

Your family I knew along
Your priorities I had seen
You wanted to feel my love
When I was fearful of emotions.

You made me sure of strengths
Believe you had in me
And when I showed loved
You ran away to your own.

Hurt I am in my minds
As this heart die again
I decide to let off addiction
I had for one forbidden.

Also Prompted @ 3WW, Inspiration Monday, Theme Thursday, Thursday Poets Rally, Midnight Snack/Poets United

Today, as the clocks ticks away to say goodbye to year that was called ’2011′. I sit back to reflected on the years which were all so bitter for the past four years. Either it was the vaccum that some created by leaving, the quick wrong decision I took or started being too critical. Life was not really pleasant and this year the drama reached its climax where I broke down in tatters before I picked it up. Lost a few people I considered special, took tough decisions of my life, worked rather too hard, had the longest grilling to get pass some extensions , bitter battles among siblings and the happiness of seeing new borns. This year gave it all. And somehow I made a decision to flow away all that held me from breaking loose. I forgive people who hurt me, I say things to people I never could and I forgive myself.

I seek forgiveness from my followers if this post is rather too long but I had to give this gift to myself to make a new start to a beautiful 2012

Dear First Love,

I finally  take the task of forgiving you for whatever you did. You destroyed me for future love, awesome love and happiness. My life being a disaster post you left. And what was a worse disaster was the truth I discovered. The lies you said. The girl you married and yet everytime we talked you had a straight face as if you did no wrong. You showed as if you truly loved only me and just circumstances made us apart. The campus was right you can never find a girl who loves you as much I did. I stopped adjusting or compromising post you. I turned practical and yet cynical. I made the most stupid decisions post you as I didn’t know how to survive alone and I cried nights for I believed you were my soulmate. Today I forgive you for all you did for you got what you sow. You are stuck in job in short of your dream for the simple reason that you hurt a girl who prayed nights for your success. You might try to convince you are in for a divorce but I don’t believe you for I have so moved off from you. But yes you did give some beautiful memories , I treasure them forever and Today I flew leaves of your memories in the river of forgiveness to free myself from you. For I  believe my soulmate still awaits and have a forever union with me and you was just someone who made a little baby girl into a mature lady. Thanks for the learning you gave.

I forgive you and open myself to all happiness I prevented myself from till date.

Love,
Me

Dear Psycho Lover,

I made a mistake when I entered into a dark well knowingly. We came from two different kind of upbringing, thinking and aims. We were poles apart when it comes to what we seek in life. I knew what kind of family you came from and yet I stuck to some stupidities. Honestly, it was never about status, money or anything that made me took the decision. It was the lack of educational and intellectual sense which made me took the decision. You never really intellectually stimulated me. And inspite of all the efforts you took, you failed. You took me as trophy to flaunt when you had me but did nothing to make yourself capable even in two years. I know I hurt you but possessive love is something which I can never stand. I made the biggest mistake to tell my family about someone not capable enough and I lived in a jail in my house for those 6 months. I hate myself for breaking my brother promise for a guy like you. And I hated myself for never telling you that I never really loved you. Because when you committed to me, I felt stupid of what you did. I feel you did it all as you wanted to flaunt me. And coincident bad incidences in your life make me feel like a fool. Only people I regret hurting is your mom and your sister. I don’t want you to spoil your life for I hurt you. But the fact is it would have not worked. We both would never have been happy.

I forgive you for all hate you have for me and I forgive myself for all I did for it was destined this way. I hope you forgive me someday and at peace too or maybe I am thinking too much and you have already move on.

Stay blessed,

Love,
Me

Dear Ex best friend,

I loved you beyond words. I cared for you beyond words. You were the bestest thing that happened and yet this is what I got. Just because your guy got interested in me in a drunken state. He was a jerk who two timed you once and yet you believed he couldn’t do it. If I was interested I would have met him in your absences but I never did. I never maintained contacts and for years I kept my lips sealed. And what I got was my image tarnished in the whole damn world with your version. And you made a great friend of mine have bad image of you and fight over it. What was that immaturity? I never stalked you too. You did. You found about persons in my life. Hacked accounts. You did all wrong and yet called me names. And the weirdness of you still don’t end. My brother was right about you and regret not listening. You are not only jobless but aim to do nothing with life too and glad it ended for us or you are someone who can be noone’s true friend.

I forgive you for all hate you had and move on to awesome friends I now have

P.S. And start dating guys with spines.

Love,
Me

Dear Sis-in Law,
I always dreamt of having a sister as my sis-in-law right from my childhood. I am someone who gets along with people rather easily and thought will do with you too. But then alas it was never true. Somehow we never got along with our point of views. Your worldview and mine differed a lot and you never understand my bhai’s protect and love for me and mine idealism for him. Jealously crept in you and started back biting about me to him and I hate that narrow approach you have. You still don’t want me to visit your home or maybe I see wrong. So for this new year I decide to not be biased with you and try and love you as we like it or not we are linked for life. I somehow thought of you pressing my marriage as way to cut my links with this house. But fact is that will never happen and my brother will forever love me like a child you have to accept it. You gave me my priced nephew whom I love a lot and I might hate you for not letting us visit him yet but I am giving you benefit of doubt once. I want to forgive you as long you keep both my bro and nephew happy. I can take care of my parents so don’t worry of that. Let me forgive you and have an unbiased view of you and I hope you end up as a nice person this time.
Love,
Me

Dear Bhai,

I have grown up idealizing you so I hate it too when we have cold wars. I know you worry too much about my health, my career, my decisions, etc and fear my future. But I am not the immature 12 year old any longer. If I can handle dad with his panic ways and convince him of right and wrong than I must have gained some maturity. I wanted a good degree from abroad as much you did. I never went on wrong paths nor wasted years but you hurt me a lot by not taking my advices in the application process and wasting my years and thousands of money. If I had gone my way, my supervisor would have made me visit you for a year too. But then bygones are bygones. That guy was my mistake but I never wasted years in romances. I knew how to balance. You hurt me in application handling and not trusting me to take guidance and getting high score and I hurt you in some ways. You were responsible a lot of my self confidence going down too. But lets just forgive each other as at the end of day we know we love each other the most. And please please remove negativity off your life like I did. Dad and mom worries a lot about you because of that approach. Life is beautiful and not just about money. Get back your creative streak and fall in love with yourself. I want you happy like you want me. My dreams are different from yours so now trust me let me take my own path and believe me I will do you loads of proud.
I love you the most,

Love,
Me

Dear Men who hurt me,

I am so sick of the jerks I end up meeting. I am glad you were never there for long and I hate how I trusted you to be my great friend. Yes, my first best friend in campus you were jerk too to never tell the truth about what happened and spread rumours. And yes you, the friend of my first love- you were an ass to say so many things and that’s the reason I never forgave you. And that college asshole who made me hate not slapping you. You destroyed lot of things in me. And that friend who fall and out of love in a week. I forgave you for the simple reason that you are still respect our friendship. And the asses of friends who had no love but other intentions I am no commodity for you, if I was interested I would have stayed friends.  And yes you my friend’s ex, you were the cheapest guy I ever met. You destroyed a friendship and had no guts to stand for truth. Lot of you made me believe I can never have people for long I get close to. Just don’t play with my emotions, be blant and I love it. Few of you who never trusted me with your secrets even after years of friendships have hurted me a lot too. I was something who would have changed your life had you trusted the love I had for you. Alas not. And today I give up on my addiction for you and choose to seek other areas where I might get what I desire and not just give. Its up to you to keep me still and you know how.I hope I no more meet your variety of guy and if I do I aim to not be attached to anyone anymore unless its someone who is destined in my life. I don’t want to have crush or fall in love with guys who can never stay firm on their liking. I am better alone and off your variety.

I finally forgive you all but we can never be friends.

Love,
Me.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am no one to forgive you or something but I seek forgiveness for all times I hurt you. Mom, you are the world to me and your memory losses and health worry me to the hilt. I never make your esteem less I just want you to feel nice about yourself and get well soon so I say things I do. You have been the most uplifting, positive person I know. You always told me “Think positive” and I never listened and now I aim to do so. I hope the new year lifts all fights we had as you were worried of me going astray. Trust me I am on right path and will make you proud one day. I know I hid my relationships from you for they had no future but trust me when I do tell it will be the best guy for me.

Dad, please please stop the negative anxious life you live. You panic effects us a lot. Please love yourself and nothing else we want. We never got along and nor do our views. Your fear make me not like your anger in childhood and I hated your anti relative attitude. You should try understanding mom more rather than fighting with her . Age is old and she needs your support as much you do. Please remove your ego now. Its high time you do. People don’t love you or worship you as much you want due to this. You were such a talented person and could have reached zenith of fame but then you sought not much due to your laziness and took wrong decisions as well. But atleast don’t have ego of a president. Its not helping you. You are top in your area and have the best of contacts in this country and abroad but you ruining it due to the attitude you carry. I forgive you for whatever I hated you for once and seek you to love life you have with all of us.
I love you both and hope to make you both proud one day. Just stay beside me and believe in me and my dreams.

Love,
Me

Dear Me,

You have made wrong decisions, life took things away due to bad luck, hard work failed and inspite of all the things you did you never succeeded. But it was never just your fault. You never trusted your ability and your talent and its high time you do. Stop getting attached to worthless people. Don’t run after love. Love your work and be content. Love your dreams and believe in them. Work the highest you can and yet enjoy life. Be selfish for a change and get an eye for the right people. In short forgive yourself for you couldn’t be and Aim to reach highest now on.

Be positive, Love yourself and Live life to each moment. And BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS. You are really the best

Love,
Me

With this , I end my forgiveness for the past years and this year. This is my last post of 2011 and I look forward to a brighter, happier, loving and positive 2012.

Happy New Year to all my Readers.

Stay Happy. Stay Loved. Stay Blessed.

So finally the year ends. The only good thing about this year was December ( And offcourse my Nephew ). Aftermath of lot of retrospect thoughts and certain days dedicated to myself was that I emerged stronger, happier and a better person. I started focusing on reading lot of my academic book and finally realized I can indeed write a good researched thesis. I was not really happy with my topic for a long time as the subject I was interested in was rejected due to ulterior motives of few people and it was something I was passionate for. But then I realized I can work well with the topic I have and link it to the other work in the long run. So in short I am starting to love my work and falling in love with it. And that’s sign of a excellent end product. Because when I love something I end up with the best

I have been a bundle of negativity and loads of sob stories in the whole year. And finally decided to thrash it all away. I started focusing on getting myself fit. Meditation and cardiac excercises helped me lose weight and made my day happier. I studied with a fresh mind. Read books I love, watch movies when low, loved watching my cookery shows and actually got to have healthy discussions  of work with my sibling (not just fights ). In short, I fell in love with my myself all over again.

I realized I have some amazing friends I should be thankful for. Friends I can call at anytime of day and they listen, friends who make me smile always, friends who stand like pillars and friends who love me inspite of all my sadness. Friends who are beautiful part of my life and make me enjoy it all the time. I made some new friends, got closer some old friends, regained the spark with my bestest friend and got to know some real good people. I was thankful, I had deleted certain friends off my life who was blot on the word called ‘ friendship’. My parents were learning to see me as a responsible adult. My brother was gaining trust in my abilities. And my relationships with myself was happy and I didn’t needed a jerk for that. In short, life was becoming happier by making relationships and friendships in my life so very stable.

I started believing in my dreams and my abilities. I believed happiness is right across the door and I can reach the zenith of my dreams to make everyone proud. I can end up fulfilling my parents dreams, my brother dreams as well my dreams if I just believe. And God still loves me, so my knight will surely come when I least expect and he will be someone my family will smile to give my hand to . In short, dreams make me and I don’t mind dreaming all the time as that is just so ME.

And how can I forget, December brought this beautiful forgiveness feeling. I plan to write a last post of this year today about it. Its about forgiving all who made me bitter over the years- my exes, my ex best friends, my brother (sometimes), my sister in law, everyone who hurts and everyone who couldn’t see the real me. I pity the one who couldn’t see the real me and I seek forgiveness for ones I hurt. In short I forgive all and I forgive myself. I forgive myself for the regrets and mistakes because had they not happened, life wouldn’t be the way it is and I wouldn’t be the person I am. I believe the almighty has something beyond perfect in store for me to test me for rather too long. And 2012 is the gift he is giving me to see a glimpse of all the happiness. I know I am expecting a lot but I am not, I am just believing in the year which has my birth date included in it

Also I moved blogs, turned bit anonymous and all that led to unleashing my creative streak. My muse is back and I have not blogged the whole year as much I did in this one month and I simply loved it. I love the wordpress platform and my template , it gives such a warm home feeling. I might have lost lot of my followers but got to read a lot of good stuff and follow some amazing writers. Thanks to all friends who stuck to me in this change and all the new followers I gained. I love you all.

Beautiful smiles awaited
As December came along
I smiled to welcome
A month of freshness.

I loved the smell
I loved the cold
I loved the books
I love the myself.

I deleted bitterness
I emptied negativity
I forgive who hurts
I forgive me for hurting.

I believed in dreams
I believed in life
I believed in love
I believed in new year.

I would like to thank Purvi  for giving me an award. I cherish it a lot . It encouraged me to write a lot more having received the appreciation. Sorry for being late in this post.

7 Random things about me :-

1. I day dream a lot and actually converse a lot in those dreams right from childhood. Some of those imaginative conversations find way into my writings as well.
2. I went completely bald twice in my pre-teens- in 6th and 7th standard.
3. I am crazy about chocolates and actually stole and hid one swiss chocolate when my share got over as a child. Though it was found later by bro but he still teases me about it
4. I started writing poems more seriously as a result of a major crush on a classmate in college.
5. My first crush lasted around 5 years. Even more than any of my relationships . And I gained back touch with him via social networking after 10 years. ( Though he still doesn’t know about my crush)
6. I way too sensitive and caring when it comes to relationships with friends, family and people I love. I am a strong personality and come across as arrogant or cold by few people but its some people I am closest to who can only see my weak side. I have had my trust broken a lot and yet I can’t help but trusting people and get attached too much rather soon.
7. I have grown up with cats and absolutely love them and want to own one someday.

Here are the rules for the Versatile Blogger Award:

1. Nominate 10-15 fellow bloggers (you’ll find my list at the end)
2. Inform the bloggers of their nomination
3. Share 7 random things about yourself
4. Thank the blogger who nominated you
5. Add the Versatile Blogger Award Pic on your blog post.

I Nominate :-

1. Meethi Mirchi- An awesome friend and an amazing haiku writer
2. Lady Nimue- A very special friend who I own a lot of poetry learning to
3. Yogesh- A amazing writer, A great cook and an fantastic friend
4. Tbg - He is the greatest blessing I got in form of friend this year. Word fall short to tell what a great support he is. I nominate you so you blog in 2012
5. Ms. R.- My twin, My best friend here and an awesome writer
6. Nil- She is one genuis writer I love totally:)
7. Poohi- The girl with the cutest smile and awesome writing style. I Looove her and her poems
8. Sulagna- An awesome friend, a great wife and even greater mother. I love her and her blog beyond words:D
9. Blahblaholic- One of the most cutest girl I know and writes amazing stuff too
10. WJ- She is a sweetheart and an awesome photographer. I absolutely love her and all what she writes
11. Raaji- She writes magical. I get lost in a different world whenever I read her
12. Uncle Jack- His experiences in life are such that each time I read him I learn a lot and to add it all he is such a great human that I am proud to know him:)
13. Suruchi- Ms Gorgeous who has been with me in my best and worse times. She has a way with words and she just makes me smile with it always
14. Kellie Elmore- An amazing writer I discovered recently . She makes me fall in love with words she writes always:)

Keep Smiling. Be happy. Be blessed

Its been years gone
But memories are fresh
Of the day you said bye
To the singleton life.

The month was indeed heavy
Festive was the air around
As October end would come
To give a new phase to you.

Smiles and tears were mixed
Nostalgic moments we shared
But happiness had no bar
As you indeed found the prince.

The best wedding I ever saw
And lived every moments in it
Heart was happy as you went
And tears didn’t really stop.

Little angel color your world
And I smell happiness around
Glad is me for the friendship
That stayed even post changes.

I met someone on the same day
Year later, I wish I shouldn’t
And I cried to wipe  memories
This year renewal, I pray to.

I was harsh to being loved
Life left me no choices now
Selfish I was to be seek sanity
I cry for forgiveness from you.

Hated me some, loved some
Winter was indeed coming
To bring some peace back
I pray happiness for forever.

First winters they were to me
When I fell in complete love
With this one beautiful season
As the cold breeze came along.

Cold often made me wary
November was no less still
I was bitter and scorned
Pulling my brain into dark.

Demolishing the own spirit
To love and live completely
Regretting decision I made
Regressing in past nostalgia.

An Angel I bombarded always
With my digressing live stories
Patiently he contained anger
For the care he forever felt.

One night stress of the bond
Overcame both of us together
And made me aware, he again
Stopping happiness I was .

Hated him I did in the anger
Wanting to have a cold war
Then the cooled me realized
The truth in the words said.

Taking break from life I lived
Time made me  analyze myself
Removing  all the hatreds I had
Bitter and negatives I erased all.

Transformation I was taking
As the last month arrived now
Smiling more, Loving what I did
Firmly I set eyes to goals of joys.

I thank you O my dearest friend
You are the rare blessing I got
From the misery of this ‘bad’year
I resolved to love myself again .

Resolving to smile all  the times
Feeling the beauty around me
I aim to spread happiness always
As live I to reach laurels pretty.

P.S. : This also happen to be my 100th post.  I dedicate this to the friend who made me a better human by his scoldings, advises and words inspite of all his busy life. You heard all my boring talks and was there for me always and ever. I am sorry from the heart for whenever I hurt you. You are the greatest friend anyone can have and I wish this friendship remains forever. I am sure the wordings would have made you know who YOU are. I love you, my guardian angel

Written as part of The Month of the Year Challenge-Season 2.

Also Prompted @3WW, OSI and Sunday Scribblings